Idiot Compassion

“… trying to smooth everything over to avoid confrontation …. is not what’s meant by compassion or patience.  It’s what’s meant by control.”

Pema Chodron, Buddhist nun and prolific writer and teacher of Buddhist philosophy

Q:  Your posts have repeatedly emphasized the importance of always behaving in a manner that brings peace into the world rather than aggression, and I agree wholeheartedly with you.  I truly believe that individual acts of kindness and respect, toward everyone we meet, send out tiny ripples of peace, positively impacting the world in a myriad of ways we will never know.   

But, because of this, I really struggle when it comes to knowing how to deal with individuals whom I personally find unpleasant.  If we’re always to show compassion, understanding, and respect, does this mean it’s wrong to cut annoying people out of our life?

A:  Of course not.  We definitely do not have to pal around with those who display a pattern of behaviour that we find unpleasant.  To feel compelled to endure such individuals is referred to as “idiot compassion“; the mistaken belief that being compassionate means to tolerate all manner of behaviour.  We definitely do not have to do so.

But, in a world where everyone is simply doing the best they can, we don’t use pejorative terms like “annoying”. 

Instead, we simply acknowledge that this particular individual is just not our cup of tea; nothing personal and no reason for animosity.  Almost assuredly they’re someone else’s cup of tea, just not ours. 

So, we simply part ways amicably.  Well, at least we part ways amicably.  It is completely unrealistic to think that we can stage-manage how the other person is going to react.  We can’t, and shouldn’t even try, because attempting to do so risks coming across as condescending and disingenuous.  Needless to say, this risks making a necessary parting of ways even more unpleasant than it otherwise may have been. 

And three final points:

  • Because we are each a mix of personality traits, referring to someone as “annoying” unfairly overlooks and discounts their positive traits.
  • The phrase “pattern of behaviour” is important here.  After all, we each have bad days when we behave in a manner unrepresentative of who we really are.  So, it’s only when we experience repeated unpleasant behaviour that it’s fair to ask ourselves whether we desire that person’s company going forward.
  • Because patterns of behaviour can change over time (due to changing biology, environment, and life experiences), a second chance down the road may be worth considering.

“In the final analysis, is my life better or worse with this person in my life?”

Anonymous 

I will leave the final words on this important issue to one of my favourite teachers of Buddhist wisdom, Pema Chodron:

Question to Pema:

 How do you differentiate the feeling of compassion and the need to remove yourself from a damaging situation?”

 Pema’s response

“It’s not the compassionate thing to keep allowing someone to keep being able to feed their violence and their aggression.  So, of course, they’re going to freak out and be extremely upset.  And it will be quite difficult for you to go through the process of actually leaving the situation. 

But that’s the compassionate thing to do. 

It’s the compassionate thing to do for yourself, because you are part of that dynamic and, before, you always stayed.  So now, you’re going to do something frightening, groundless, and quite different.  But it’s the compassionate thing to do for yourself, rather than stay in a demeaning, destructive, abusive relationship.

And it’s the most compassionate thing you can do for them too.

They will certainly not thank you for it, and they will certainly not be glad.  They’ll go through a lot.  But if there’s any chance for them to wake up or start to work on their side of the problem, their abusive behaviour or whatever it might be, it’s up to you to actually draw the line and get out of there.

We all know stories of people who had to hit that kind of bottom, where the people that they loved stopped giving them the wrong kind of compassion and just walked out. 

Then, sometimes, that wakes a person up, and they start to do what they need to do.”

Excerpted from an interview with Pema Chodron by Shambhala International

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

“You can please some of the people all of the time. 

You can please all of the people some of the time. 

But you can’t please all of the people all of the time.

John Lydgate, British monk (1370 – 1451)

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere.  You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection.”

Buddha

“Helping someone else can be as simple as opening a door.  It can be as easy as listening in a genuine way.  And that’s the way we’ll change the world – one person, one situation, one act of kindness at a time.”

Richard Wagamese, Ojibway writer, excerpted from his book, “One Story, One Song

And, in conclusion ….

I began writing articles for “Living a Mindful Life” back in 2018 to help others realize the many psychological benefits of daily mindfulness practice. 

Two benefits stand out for me in particular, these being an enduring peace of mind and an ease of being irrespective of personal circumstances.  

I hope, in some small way, I have accomplished this goal.  While internet access to “Living a Mindful Life” (and, therefore, to me!) will continue, this will be my final post.  I have said what I set out to say and feel it now time to set down my pen.  

For me, mindfulness practice has been nothing short of life-changing, and I know it can be for untold others. 

In this regard, you would be doing me an enormous favour were you to share “Living a Mindful Life” widely so that others may hopefully benefit as much as I have (and, to help you do so, here it is in its entirety in PDF format:  Living a Mindful Life).

Parting Thoughts

If someone were to ask me which two mindfulness teachings have had the greatest impact on my life, here is what I would tell them: 

Sometimes Life Sucks – But That’s Okay

Not getting what we want or getting what we don’t want doesn’t mean anything’s wrong, it just means we’re alive. 

Putting up a fuss over life’s inevitable challenges just adds needless psychological suffering to an already-unpleasant situation. 

So, the alternative?  Whatever life presents, just deal with it – minus the drama.

We’re All Just Doing the Best We Can

By far my most contentious posts have been those denying the existence of free will.  While the belief in our ability to choose our actions (and, therefore, to be held responsible for our actions) is near universally held, my extensive exploration of this topic has lead me unequivocally to see free will for what it is; unsupported by either science or simple logic. 

In its absence, it necessarily follows that each and every one of us is always doing the best we can at each and every moment.   

And isn’t this a more compassionate way to make our way through this world?  And, were we to adopt this approach, what exactly would we be giving up?  Only the copious blame, judgment, anger, acrimony, and hate that pervades this troubled world of ours.   

I don’t know about you, but this strikes me as a no-brainer.

Compassion reigns when we see the innocence in each other.     

Thank You!

To all those who faithfully followed (and shared) my posts, to all those who took a few moments out of their busy lives to pose questions and provide insightful comments, and to all those who supported my efforts in other myriad ways, a most sincere, deeply-heartfelt thank you.

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

 

    

Secret o’ Life

“The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.
Any fool can do it, there ain’t nothing to it.
Nobody knows how we got to the top of the hill.
But since we’re on our way down, we might as well enjoy the ride.

The secret of love is in opening up your heart.
It’s okay to feel afraid, but don’t let that stand in your way.
Cause anyone knows that love is the only road.
And since we’re only here for a while, might as well show some style. Give us a smile.

Isn’t it a lovely ride, sliding down, gliding down,
try not to try too hard, it’s just a lovely ride.”

James Taylor, singer/songwriter, from his 1977 hit, Secret O’ Life

James Taylor got it right; life truly is “just a lovely ride”. 

And yes, it really is this simple.  A life imbued with an ease of being, regardless of circumstance, does lie within our grasp. 

And the only thing that stands in our way is our innocent misperception of reality.

“I don’t expect any of us to know 

what it’s like

 to be free of worry.

All I ask

is that when a tree or stone or cloud

mentions the possibility,

we stop what we’re doing,

turn our heads,

listen”

Leath Tonino, “The Possibility” from his collection of poems, “Poems of Walking and Sitting

The Wise Amoeba

Despite the fact that single-celled organisms do not possess a brain (and, therefore, consciousness), they nonetheless remain fully capable of surviving and, indeed, thriving.  Bacteria such as cholera, tetanus, and tuberculosis are but three well-known examples of successful unicellular life.

It may surprise many to learn that such rudimentary organisms possess the ability to sense and move away from potential danger and to move toward sustenance.

This ‘drive-to-survive’ capability is an automated, unconscious, un-willed process built into all living things by evolution and natural selection, including us.

Careful reflection on this point makes it clear that the main difference between we humans’ drive-to-survive and that of single-celled organisms is that we just happen to be conscious of what our body is up to

As I’ve covered at length in previous posts (here and here), we are not the captains of our ship – we don’t will things to happen; we’re simply witnesses to what our automated processes are up to.  Free will is simply how it feels, not how it is

Just a Lovely Ride

Knowing fully that we’re just along for a lovely ride in a self-driving vehicle, one that automatically attends to our survival, opens up the possibility of eschewing our stress-filled, emotionally-charged, hard-driven ways for a peaceful, restful existence filled with an ease of being. 

It’s the difference between seeing ourselves as the stressed driver of the car of our life and, instead, being the relaxed passenger in the back seat, casually observing the beauty of the world as it passes on by.   

Or think of it this way.  Unlike us, unicellular organisms don’t get angry, anxious, jealous, envious, bored, impatient, or frustrated – they just live and thrive in life’s lovely, automated, ride. 

And so can we, with the wonderful added bonus that, unlike our unicellular cohabitants, we get to consciously experience it all. 1

“The meaning of life is just to be alive.  It is so plain and so obvious and so simple.

And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”

Alan Watts, British writer and philosopher (1915-1973)

So, just sit back, relax, observe, and enjoy the lovely ride of life!

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life 

1 Choice in the Absence of Free Will

I have been asked on many occasions how we can choose a better psychological path in life if we lack free will.  And that’s a great question. 

The fact of the matter is that we don’t, of course, choose anything in life; our hard-wired, fully-automated, ‘drive-to-survive’ inner processes do all this for us – we simply observe its choices

It all gets back to what drives human behaviour, this being the combination and interplay of our biology, environment, and life experiences. 

For example, the good fortune of experiencing this article could be all it takes for your automated system to sense an opportunity to enhance your ability to thrive and survive by diminishing your psychological stress.

Of course, not everyone’s auto-pilot system possesses the requisite mix of biology, environment, and previous life experiences to recognize such opportunities when they present themselves.  Such unlucky individuals will, unfortunately, continue to experience needlessly-elevated stress levels.

But, there’s always hope!  Next time (due to our constantly-changing mix of biology, environment, and experiences) that same unlucky individual’s inner system may, in fact, seize upon a new opportunity to allay psychological stress.

Such is the luck-of-the-draw nature of life and why compassion should always be our default setting toward each other – because we don’t get to choose.         

“Those swirls in the cream mixing into the coffee?  That’s us.  Ephemeral patterns of complexity riding a wave of increasing entropy from simple beginnings to a simple end.  We should enjoy the ride.”

Dr. Sean Carroll, theoretical physicist and author of “The Big Picture

Peace Irrespective

One of the key lessons of Buddhist philosophy is that experiencing a deep abiding inner peace is always within our grasp, irrespective of our external circumstances.

But how can this be?  How, when face-to-face with loss, illness, conflict, pain, failure, disgrace, or any of life’s many vicissitudes, is inner peace even remotely attainable?

How?  By abandoning all resistance to what IS.

To resist what already is, to resist reality, is insanity.  Why so?  Because not only does it contribute nothing toward a solution, it just makes matters worse by manifesting psychological suffering, for you and those unfortunate enough to be within fallout range of your futile, soul-sapping resistance to life.

The alternative?  Accept, then respond (or do nothing, as wisdom dictates). 

To be mindful is to accept, with equanimity, whatever life presents, all of it, the good and the bad.  Indeed, the mere labeling of a situation as bad is, in itself, to be in a state of non-acceptance.  

Through mindfulness practice we nurture the wisdom, courage, and fortitude to sit in the middle of life’s messiness and be okay with it all

We don’t have to like it, but we accept it for what it is – just life.    

Peace is This Moment Without Judgment

“Do you think peace requires an end to war?  Or tigers eating only vegetables?

Does peace require an absence from your boss, your spouse, yourself?

Do you think peace will come from some other place than here?  Some other time than Now?  In some other heart than yours?

Peace is this moment without judgment.  That is all.  This moment in the Heart-space where everything is welcome.

Peace is this moment without thinking that it should be some other way, that you should feel some other thing, that your life should unfold according to your plans.

Peace is this moment without judgment, this moment in the Heart-space where everything that is, is welcome.”

Dorothy Hunt, founder of the San Francisco Centre for Meditation and Psychotherapy

The Peace of Wild Things

“When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound, in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of the wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.

I come into the presence of still water.  And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting for their light. 

For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.”

Wendell Berry, “The Peace of Wild Things and Other Poems

Only Now!

“What happens when we live open to this very moment, this very breath, this very experience, whether it is something the mind considers pleasant or unpleasant? 

What happens when we let all things be what they are Now?  The mind cannot possibly understand how there could be peace if the moment is not peaceful, but the peace we truly are is Only This!  Only Now!

The great liberation that comes from living Now costs something.  It costs us our desire to live “then” or “when”. 

At some point, there is a choice made – to live the truth of this moment rather than try to move away or move beyond; a choice to let this moment be what it is rather than refusing it.”

Dorothy Hunt, excerpted fromOnly This! – Poems and Reflections

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Different Drummers

“If you feel compelled to change me, then you don’t truly like me.  So please take my leave so I may rest in the company of those who do.”

Anonymous

Please Don’t Tell Me How I Ought to Be  

No doubt we’ve each felt the sting of disapproval for doing nothing more than simply being who we are.  Does anyone take kindly to unsolicited guidance about how they ought to be?

No, of course not.  Because if acceptance is contingent, then it’s not acceptance at all; it’s actually a rejection of who we are as a person.  

Citing my own experience, over the years it’s been variously suggested to me by well-meaning individuals that I should be, among other things, more talkative, more emotive, more affectionate, more spontaneous, and more sociable.

But here’s the thing.  They may as well have suggested that I be taller, because I can’t do that either!  

In truth, I am none of those things.  Nor have I ever felt the slightest desire, or need, to be so. 

Simply put, they are not who I am, this a personality forged by my unique combination of biology, environment, and life experiences, the very same factors that forge everyone’s unique personality.

“… the three things I cannot change are the past, the truth, and you.”

Anne Lamott, American writer

Change is an Inside Job

So, change has to come from within, not from without. 

This is why it’s so futile (and more than a little maddening!) that we humans so oft times feel compelled to try to change each other into our own image.  

At the end of the day, what we all yearn for is simply to be accepted for who we are – warts and all.  

In this regard, I’ll leave you to ponder these words from the late psychologist, Dr. David Kiersey:

If you do not want what I want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if my beliefs are different from yours, at least pause before you set out to correct them.

Or if my emotion seems less or more intense than yours, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel other than I do.

Or if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, please let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up trying to change me into a copy of you.

If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself to the possibility that someday these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear as right – for me.

To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness.

And one day, perhaps, in trying to understand me, you might come to prize my differences and, far from seeking to change me, might preserve and even cherish those differences.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, your colleague. But whatever our relation, this I know:  You and I are fundamentally different, and both of us have to march to our own drummer.

From Dr. Kiersey’s book, “Please Understand Me

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Manifesting a New World

“To understand all, is to forgive all.”

Evelyn Waugh, from his novel, “Brideshead Revisited

As far as it goes, this is certainly a lovely sentiment to live by; to assume that we never have all the facts and so forgive those who trespass against us as a routine matter of course.

But I believe we need to go even further. 

In fact, it strikes me that to understand all – to understand fully the causes behind each act of human behaviour – actually renders the very concept of forgiveness unnecessary; non-sensical even – because in knowing all, it suddenly dawns on us that there’s never anything to forgive; that we are always, and at all times, blameless.

But how can this possibly be?  Simply put, it’s because blame and forgiveness mistakenly assume behavioural choice; that the transgressor could have behaved better, but chose not to.

But, as we’ve seen in previous posts, this take on life is simply incorrect.  

In short, belief in behavioural choice is not a tenable position because it is incompatible with science (see these posts:  here, here, here, and here or Appendix A for the Coles Notes version).  

But this aside, and to get to my main point, it is this mistaken belief in behavioural choice that is the primary obstacle to our manifesting a new, and better, world for us all. 

A New World

This post posits the manifestation of a new world, one rooted in compassion, respect, understanding, and goodwill toward all, without exception.

Such a world stands in stark contrast to our own where finding fault with each other is a global pastime and unquestioned norm, just the way things are. 

But this “normal” is what lies at the heart of so much misguided anger, division, conflict, and petty drama.

The hope-filled world I will outline lies within our individual (and, therefore, collective) grasp – it’s not a pipe dream – because I now reside there. 

“To bring peace to the Earth, strive to make your own life peaceful.”

Anonymous

And its manifestation rests on but one thing; the wholehearted embrace of this simple understanding:

At each and every moment, we are all simply doing the best we can.

How freeing this is!  

Blame, anger, and their resulting psychological turmoil simply fall away. 

And in their place we begin to experience an ease of being rooted in a new understanding, a new appreciation, that everyone we encounter – everyone – is just like us, fellow beings going about their day in search of security and happiness and doing so to the very best of their ability given the hand life has dealt them.  And because we don’t get to choose that hand, each and every one of us is always, and at all times, blameless.

“It’s important to remember we always do the best we can with the information, skills, and resources we have available at the time.”

Mark Coleman, author of “Make Peace With Your Mind

Outlines of a New World 

In a world where behavioural choice is finally seen for what it truly is – factually incorrect – we begin to appreciate that much of what we currently accept as normal human interaction (albeit, dysfunctional) is simply nonsense and no longer justifiable.

Here are some of the ways this new world differs markedly from what we have come to accept as ‘normal’:

–  In this new world, we no longer get angry with others or hold a grudge.  In a blameless world, there’s nothing to get angry over; we acknowledge the innocence in us all.

–  We cease taking things personally.  It’s never about us, even if directed at us.  What it is about is simply how the other person perceives the world through their own unique filters (biological, environmental, and experiential), and their perspective is just as valid as our own, just different.

–  We stop finding fault with others’ behaviour.  In a deterministic universe, ‘fault’ has no meaning and no rationale.

–  Demanding an apology ceases to make any sense because we’re all just doing the best we can and did not cause harm through willed choice.

–  The concept of forgiveness is rendered meaningless, because there is nothing to forgive.

–  Saying “I’m sorry” becomes meaningless and redundant in a blameless world because it’s completely understood that you didn’t inflict harm through willed choice.

–  ‘Regret’ and ‘shame’ are dropped from the lexicon.  While we may feel badly that we’ve caused harm to another, we acknowledge our innocence and hope we do better next time (but, in a deterministic universe, this time could not have been different).  And, for some, it’s not even assured they can do better next time because that depends entirely on the behavioural hand they’ve been dealt by life.  Some unlucky individuals simply do not possess the ability to do better – and that’s not their fault

–  We cease to label others in derogatory terms for their behaviour and, most importantly, cease to  feel any animosity towards them.

–  Asking the question, ‘Why?‘ with respect to someone else’s behaviour becomes an invalid question to ask, both because the individual is blameless and because, while they may fashion an answer of sorts, in reality they don’t have the slightest clue because the myriad factors driving behaviour lie well beyond – indeed, infinitely beyond – human comprehension.

Now, I fully acknowledge that such responses are deeply-held cultural norms, many of which, such as “I’m sorry” or “regret”, serve the useful purpose of smoothing over ruffled relationships. 

But this is due entirely to our collective ignorance; our tragically-mistaken belief that people do bad things on purpose, through willed choice, and therefore deserve to be judged, found wanting, and punished. 

But this belief is simply wrong, and even a cursory examination of the science of behaviour shows this to be the case.

And as we’ve covered in previous posts, this doesn’t mean that bad behaviour is tolerated, it simply means that the person exhibiting it is treated at all times with compassion, understanding, and respect, this being a far cry from the intolerance, anger, and retribution meted out by our current state of ignorance.

My Personal Experience With This New World

This phrase has become my mantra:

At each and every moment, we are all simply doing the best we can.

And what has this done for me? 

Well, first off, let me say that in this new world there most definitely remains a copious supply of what I would have formerly referred to as “selfish, self-centred, inconsiderate, mindless boneheads”.   🙂 

But, these days, I immediately catch myself judging them and, rather than getting upset and ruining my day, I smile at my habitual reaction and just remind myself that they’re simply doing the best they can. 

Sure, it’s boneheaded, but it’s the best they could muster, it’s nothing personal, and it’s certainly nothing to get all worked up over. 

I now know, in my head and in my heart, that if they could have done better, they would have, but they simply couldn’t; it was the very best they could do at that moment given the impersonal cumulative impact of their biology, environment, and life experiences.

In choosing* to see the world this way, I retain my peace of mind and experience a relaxed, unperturbed ease of being regardless of external circumstances, a state of mind the former version of myself would have found inconceivable – delusional even.

The good news is that such a world lies most definitely within our grasp.  If I can choose to reside here, so can you.  And all it takes is adopting a new understanding of human behaviour, one that, unlike our current understanding, is actually compatible with science.

Which World Do We Wish to Live In?

So, time for us all to ask ourselves, which world do we wish to live in?  The one we occupy now, the one wracked by non-sensical blame, anger, judgment, and retribution, or one rooted in compassion, understanding, and respect? 

And even if your interpretation of the science underpinning this new world differs from my own, what exactly is the downside to adopting it anyway?  None that I can think of.

So, welcome to the neighborhood!

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

* If you have read my posts on Free Will and Blameyou will know that whenever I use the word “choosing”, I don’t mean willful choice but, rather, the unconscious capacity of our brain to be influenced by new life experiences.  Such an experience could be something as simple as reading an essay on “learning how to achieve peace of mind through a scientific understanding of human behaviour”, just to cite one decidedly pertinent example! 

Appendix A:  the drivers of human behaviour

In this post I have asserted that the root cause of all the blame, anger, division, and conflict in the world, both today and since time immemorial, is due entirely to our innocent misunderstanding of what actually drives human behaviour. 

In short, belief in willed choice is not a tenable position to take, because it is incompatible with science:

The Physics of Behaviour:  The world of physical matter

Our universe (of which we are obviously a part) is simply a collection of sub-atomic particles – electrons, neutrinos, photons, etc. – all answering to one authority; the cold, hard laws of physics. 

What these particles are permitted to do at any given moment is completely described and circumscribed by the laws of Newtonian and quantum physics.  

“You give me a quantum state of a system, and there are unambiguous equations that will tell me what it will do next.”

Dr. Sean Carroll, theoretical physicist and author of “The Big Picture

It is at this level, a level with which we have no acquaintance and over which we have no control, where all the behavioural action actually takes place.  How could it be anything but? 

Simply put, we’re made of matter – quarks, leptons, bosons – and matter answers to the laws of physics, not to metaphysical mind stuff.

By default, it follows that the human brain also answers to this cold reality.  There is no room for consciously-willed human intervention here.  The feeling of free will is just that – how it feels – not how it actually is.

“We need to set aside the notion that our choices and decisions and actions have their ultimate origin within each of us, ….. that they emerge from deliberations that stand beyond the reach of physical law.  We need to recognize that although the sensation of free will is real, the capacity to exert free will – the capacity for the human mind to transcend the laws that control physical progression – is not.”

Brian Greene – theoretical physicist and author of “Until the End of Time

Nobody ever would have figured out how nature works at small distances based purely on everyday experience.  To human beings, whose direct observations are confined to the “big things”, the quantum theory is ridiculously counterintuitive.  But in the twenty-first century it underpins so much of our modern lives, from medical imaging to the latest computing technologies, that we must accept it whether we feel comfortable about it or not.

Brian Cox – physicist and author of “Why does E = mc2?

In a universe answerable only to the cold, hard laws of physics, we are all blameless.  As such, what we each deserve at each and every turn in life can only be this – compassion, understanding, and respect.

The Biology of Behaviour:  The world of organic matter

As documented in this post, human behaviour is influenced by innumerable biological factors – genes, hormone levels, neuronal health, gut flora, epigenetic effects – the full scope of which has only begun to be studied and still remains only poorly understood.

And just to complicate matters further, the expression of these biological factors is influenced by both our environment and by our life experiences. 

This is why asking the question, “Why did you do that?“, is simply not a valid question to ask, because it is unanswerable – human behaviour is far too complex to have a simple, pat answer.

But here is the main  point:  we don’t get to choose these factors, we cannot control these factors, and their impact on who we are and how we behave occurs outside of our conscious awareness.

Indeed, mess with any of these factors and ‘you’ cease to be ‘you’.  

Given such utter lack of control over how these factors impact behaviour, how fair is it to sit in judgment of each other?  Quite obviously, it’s not.

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life 

 

 

 

 

BLAME: A Socially-Corrosive Misconception

 

Blame is so taken for granted that we never stop to ponder whether it makes any sense.  Is there any justification for blaming someone for their behaviour?

As I will argue in this post, no, there is not.  

In short, blame is an unjustifiable, socially-corrosive concept that stands fully at odds with science.  For the betterment of all human relations, it should be relegated to the dustbin of human ignorance, to be replaced by compassion and understanding. 

In so doing, gone would be the acrimony so harmful to society – children estranged from parents, siblings not speaking to one another, friendships dashed, marriages torn apart, nations at war – and all of it rooted in the false premise that we are each responsible for our own behaviour

We are not, because we cannot be   

“In chapter 16 I will argue that it is wrong to think that understanding must lead to forgiveness – mainly because I think that a term like “forgiveness” and others related to criminal justice (e.g. evil, soul, volition, and blame), are incompatible with science and should be discarded.”

Dr. Robert Sapolsky, “Behave:  The biology of humans at our best and worst

Why Blame is Baseless

Blame is rooted in the widespread misconception that:

  1.  We are each responsible for our actions because,
  2.  We will them to happen, and so,
  3.  Could have chosen to behave differently.

But this line of thinking is deeply flawed for two reasons:

Reason #1:  We don’t will things to happen because this is a physical impossibility.  What I’m getting at here is that we simply cannot be the prime mover of the electro-chemical workings of our brain any more than we can consciously control the functioning of our pancreas or liver.  Yes, we certainly have the illusion of willful choice, but that’s all it is, that’s all it can be – an illusion, a false perception.

And if you find this assertion implausible, I encourage you to read (and deeply ponder) this post on free will as well as the numerous quotes listed at the end of this article because the mistaken belief in free will is, on its own, corrosive to compassionate human interaction.

“There is never a time-zero when you decide to do something, because every neuron in the brain is driven by other neurons.”

Dr. David Eagleman, “The Brain – the Story of You

Reason #2:  If we could, in fact, choose to behave differently, we should not expect to find a correlation between behaviour and factors such as:  pre-natal nutrition, childhood adversity, brain trauma, sex, hormone levels, temperature, life experiences, genetics, sleep quality, socioeconomic status, hunger, exposure to toxins, culture, age,  …..   But we DO find such correlations, in spades.  In fact, it is clear that human behaviour is directly influenced by innumerable factors, factors we neither choose nor control, factors which operate largely outside of our conscious awareness.

Given such circumstances, how can blame possibly be justified?  Quite simply, it cannot. 

“We are constantly being shaped by seemingly irrelevant stimuli, subliminal information, and internal forces we don’t know a thing about.”

“Our worst behaviours, ones we condemn and punish, are the products of our biology.”

Dr. Robert Sapolsky

Anatomy of a Behaviour

Behaviour is driven by two primary factors, nature and nurture, nature being all of one’s biology and nurture being all of one’s life experiences.  To complicate matters further, nature and nurture interact and influence each other, creating untold and unpredictable behavioural outcomes.

“Almost all  the research that indicates genetic or biological influences on criminal behaviour also shows strong environmental components.”

Dr. Gail S. Anderson, “Biological Influences on Criminal Behaviour

And all of this is cumulative; what we do or say at any given moment must be, and can only be, the direct result of our biology and life experiences, right up to the moment of enacting a behaviour.  

Here is a pictorial of the process:

This is a hopeful picture because it holds out the promise of us being able to develop better, more pro-social behaviour going forward through exposure to:

  1. Better life experiences.  For example, being exposed to teachings on mindfulness, compassion, and civility.  This assumes, of course, that we happen to be among the lucky ones blessed with sufficient self-awareness, interest, inclination, opportunities, and intelligence to be able to take advantage of life’s more edifying experiences.  Unfortunately, as we all know, not everyone is so lucky (and through no fault of their  own; they’ve simply been dealt a bum hand by life).
  2. New life experiences.  For example, having one’s car impounded for stunt driving has at least the potential to dissuade future recurrence (again, assuming the individual is influenceable – not all are so lucky; once again, through no fault of their own).   So, experiencing the consequences of our behaviour may influence future behaviour.  As covered later, however, it’s HOW such consequences are delivered to the offender that hold out the promise of a kinder, more enlightened society.
You Should Have Known Better!

We typically treat people who do stupid things as if they are actually stupid, as if the thought of doing the right thing never even occurred to them.

But almost assuredly it did, even if subconsciously.  Unfortunately, their brain weighed up the pros and cons based on their biology and past experiences and, in the case of a bad decision, the good rationale simply got outvoted by the bad rationale. 

The result?  An ill-judged behaviour – but not through choice (again, because we can’t, and don’t, control our brain’s biochemical workings – it is a physical impossibility).

“Many people on the wrong side of the law generally know the difference between right and wrong actions, and they understand the threat of the punishment – but they are hamstrung by poor impulse control.”

Dr. David Eagleman, “The Brain – the Story of You

Here’s how I picture what goes on in our brain when a behavioural decision is made, this imagining a teenage boy’s brain weighing up the factors behind whether to drink and drive:

Yes, some part of his brain certainly knew that drunk driving is wrong.  However, given the state of his biology at that very moment (perhaps under the influence of temporarily-diminished impulse control caused by poor sleep) as well as the cumulative impact of all his life experiences right up to that very second (perhaps influenced by the fact that his dad periodically drinks and drives), no other decision by him (i.e. by his brain) could have been made.   

“The next choice you make will come out of the darkness of prior causes that you, the conscious witness of your experience, did not bring into being.”

“What does it mean to say that rapists and murderers commit their crimes of their own free will?  If this statement means anything, it must be that they could have behaved differently – with the universe, including their brains, in precisely the same state it was in at the moment they committed their crimes.  

Assuming that violent criminals have such freedom, we reflexively blame them for their actions.  But without it, the place for our blame suddenly vanishes, and even the most terrifying sociopaths begin to seem like victims themselves.  The moment we catch sight of the stream of causes that precede their conscious decisions, reaching back into childhood and beyond, their culpability begins to disappear.”

Sam Harris, “Free Will

We’re All Just Doing the Best we Can

So, with blame shown to have zero justification, does this mean we just ignore bad behaviour? 

Of course not.  If something is truly important (and not just an affront to our personal preferences or delicate ego), then steps should be taken to prevent future harm and hopefully influence the offender to behave better next time

But the key difference is in HOW we intervene.  Gone forever should be our habitual anger, animosity, judging, and blame.  These not only inflame a situation but, more to the point, are simply unjustifiable and incompatible with science

In their place, now full in the knowledge that we’re each just doing the best we can at each and every moment given the biological/experiential hand we’ve been dealt, we substitute caring, compassion, understanding, and human kindness. 

Surely this is a better way forward for this hurting world of ours.

Warmest regards,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Pertinent Quotes from Learned Individuals

Dr. David Eagleman – “The Brain – the Story of You

“Everything you’ve experienced has altered the physical structure of your brain.  These indelible, microscopic impressions accumulate to make you who you are, and to constrain who you can become.”

“Simple acts are underpinned by a massive labor force of neurons.  You remain blissfully unaware of all their activity, but your life is shaped and coloured by what’s happening under the hood:  how you act, what matters to you, your reactions, your loves and desires, what you believe to be true and false.  Your experience is the final output of these hidden networks.  So who exactly is steering the ship?”

“The conscious you is only the smallest part of the  activity of your brain.  Your actions, your beliefs, and your biases are all driven by networks in your brain to which you have no conscious access.”

“Because the conscious mind has low bandwidth, you don’t typically have full access to the bodily signals that tip your decisions; most of the action in your body lives far below your awareness.”

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, “7 1/2 Lessons About the Brain

“Yes, your brain is wired to initiate your actions before you’re aware of them.  That is kind of a big deal.  After all, in everyday life, you do many things by choice, right?  At least it seems that way.  But the brain is a predicting organ.  It launches your next set of actions based on your past experience and current situation, and it does so outside of your awareness.  In other words, your actions are under the control of your memory and your environment.” 

“Everything you learn today seeds your brain to predict differently tomorrow.”

Kenan Malik, “The Quest for a Moral Compass – A Global History of Ethics

“Without free will ….. there could be no moral judgment.”

“The very idea of morality relies on viewing humans not as machines but as conscious agents capable of making choices and taking responsibility for their actions.  This conflict between scientific mechanism and human exceptionalism has haunted thinking about the human condition from Descartes’ day to ours.”

“Knowledge is liberating because the more we know about ourselves and about the human condition, the more we are able to  recognize that we love or hate or find joy or feel pain, not of free choice, but of chance and history and accidental association and past conditioning.  Once we realize that, we can stop blaming others for their actions, for these are absolutely determined.  We can stop blaming ourselves, too, for our actions are also equally determined.  Hate, envy, and guilt vanish.”

Sam Harris, “Free Will

“How can we be ‘free’ as conscious agents if everything that we consciously intend is caused by events in our brain that we do not intend and of which we are entirely unaware?  We can’t.”

“Willpower is itself a biological phenomenon.  You can change your life, and yourself, through effort and discipline – but you have whatever capacity for effort and discipline you have in this moment, and not a scintilla more (or less).  You are either lucky in this department or you aren’t – and you cannot make your own luck.”

“Choices, efforts, intentions, and reasoning influence our behaviour – but they are themselves part of a chain of causes that precede conscious awareness and over which we exert no ultimate control.”

“Our system of justice should reflect an understanding that any of us could have been dealt a very different hand in life.  In fact, it seems immoral not to recognize just how much luck is involved in morality itself.”

“The urge for retribution depends upon our not seeing the underlying causes of human behaviour.”

“Why did I order beer instead of wine?  Because I prefer beer.  Why do I prefer it?  I don’t know.  Whatever the reason, I prefer one taste to the other.  Is there freedom in this?  None whatsoever.  Would I magically reclaim my freedom if I decided to spite my preference and order wine instead?  No, because the roots of this intention would be as obscure as the preference itself.”

Dr. Marvin Minsky

“None of us enjoys the thought that what we do depends on processes we do not know; we prefer to attribute our choices to volition, will, or self-control ….  Perhaps it would be more honest to say, ‘My decision was determined by internal forces I do not understand.’ “

Dr. Daniel Wegner, “The Illusion of Conscious Will

“Detailed analytical studies of the timing of action indicate that conscious will does not precede brain events leading to spontaneous voluntary action but, rather, follows them.”

“The unique human convenience of conscious thoughts that preview our actions gives us the privilege of feeling we willfully cause what we do.  In fact, however, unconscious and inscrutable mechanisms create both conscious thought about action and the action, and also produce the sense of will we experience by perceiving the thought as cause of the action.”

“In all these examples of perceived control, the perception of control is not the same thing as actual control.  The point we have rehearsed to exhaustion throughout this book – that the feeling of will is not the same as the force of will – arises again here.”

“Conscious will is strongly linked to responsibility and morality.  As the logic goes, a person is morally responsible only for actions that are consciously willed.  Thus, the idea that conscious will might be no more than an illusion stirs up a torrent of moral worries; if conscious will is illusory, how can we continue to hold people responsible for what they do?  How can we reward people for good acts if there is no doing things on purpose?”

“We experience willing a walk in the park, winding a clock, or smiling at someone, and the feeling keeps our notion of ourselves as persons intact.  Our sense of being a conscious agent who does things comes at a cost of being technically wrong all the time.  The feeling of doing is how it seems, not what it is – but that is as it should be.  All is well, because the illusion makes us human.”

Albert Einstein

“If the moon, in the act of completing its eternal way around the earth, were gifted with self-consciousness, it would feel thoroughly convinced that it was traveling its way of its own accord.   ….. So would a Being, endowed with higher insight and more perfect intelligence, watching man and his doings, smile about man’s illusion that he was acting according to his own free will.”

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, “How Emotions are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain

“Trapped within the skull, with only past experiences as a guide, your brain makes predictions.  ….. These neural conversations try to anticipate every fragment of sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste that you will experience, and every action you will take.  These predictions are your brain’s best guesses of what’s going on in the world around you, and how to deal with it to keep you alive and well.  ….. And right now, with each word you read, your brain is predicting what the next word will be, based on probabilities from your lifetime of reading experience.  In short, your experience right now was predicted by your brain a moment ago.”

“Your brain also uses prediction to initiate your body’s movements. These predictions occur before you have any conscious awareness or intent about moving your body.  Neuroscientists and psychologists call this phenomenon ‘the illusion of free will’. “

“You might think that your perceptions of the world are driven by events in the world, but really, they are anchored in your (brain’s) predictions, which are then tested (by your brain) against …. incoming sensory input.”

“The stimulus-response brain is a myth; brain activity is prediction and correction, and we construct emotional experiences outside of awareness.  This explanation fits the architecture and operation of the brain.”

“Your cascade of predictions explains why an experience like happiness feels triggered rather than constructed.  ….  Your brain is preparing to execute movements in your face and body before you feel any sense of agency for moving, and is predicting your sensory input before it arrives.  So emotions seem to be ‘happening to’ you  when, in fact, your brain is actively constructing the experience …”

“Are you responsible for your actions?  Yes, says the essentialist view of human nature.   Are other people responsible for your actions?  No, you are an individual with free will.  …. These assumptions, born of essentialism, are baked into the law, driving verdicts of guilt and innocence, even as neuroscience has been quietly debunking them as myths.”

“Your brain’s control network  ….. is always engaged, actively selecting your actions; you just don’t always feel in control.  In other words, your experience of being in control is just that – an experience.”

Dr. Douglas Hofstadter – “I Am a Strange Loop

“The pressures of daily life require us, force us, to talk about events at the level on which we directly perceive them.  Access at that level is what our sensory organs, our language, and our culture provide us with.  From earliest childhood on we are handed concepts such as ‘milk’, ‘finger’, ‘wall’ …..  We perceive the world in terms of such notions, not in terms of microscopic notions like …. ‘ribosome’, ‘peptide bond’, or ‘carbon atom’.  …. In sum then, we are victims of our macroscopicness, and cannot escape from the trap of using everyday words to describe the events that we witness, and perceive as real.

This is why it is much more natural for us to try to imagine a war as triggered for religious or economic reasons than to try to imagine a war as a vast pattern of interacting elementary particles and to think of what triggered it in similar terms – even though physicists may insist that that is the only ‘true’ level of explanation for it.”

 “I don’t know what it would feel like if my will were free.  What on earth would that mean?  That I didn’t follow my will sometimes? …. Thus, I might choose not to take a second helping of noodles even though I – or rather part of me – would still like some, because there’s another part of me that wants me not to gain weight, and the weight-watching part happens (this evening) to have more votes than the gluttonous part does.  If it didn’t, then it would lose and my inner glutton would win, and that would be fine – but either way, my non-free will would win out and I’d follow the dominant desire of my brain.

Yes, certainly, I’ll make a decision, and I’ll do so by conducting a kind of inner vote.  The count of votes will yield a result, and by George, one side will come out the winner.  But where’s any ‘freeness’ in all this?”

Dr. Michael Gazzaniga – “The Mind’s Past

“With our brains chock full of marvelous devices, you would think that they do their duties automatically, before we are truly aware of the acts.  This is precisely what happens.”

“Our motor system, which makes operational our brain’s decisions about the world, is independent of our conscious perceptions.  Too often our perceptions are in error; so it could be disastrous to have our lives depend on them.  We would be better off if our brains reacted to real sensory truths, not illusory ones.”

“By the time we think we know something (i.e. it is part of our conscious experience), the brain has already done its work.  It is old news to the brain, but fresh to ‘us’.  Systems built into the brain do their work automatically and largely outside of our conscious awareness.   

We are clueless about how all this works and gets effected.  We don’t plan or articulate these actions.  We simply observe the output.”

“Our conscious lives depend on all kinds of automatic processes happening inside our brains.  Though we can’t influence them by willed action, we continue to believe that we are in control of what we do.”

“When animals’ fixed behaviours are revealed as automatic and built in, no one blinks at that.  People get nervous, though, when the same sort of arrangement is suggested for human perceptual and cognitive functions.”

“Brain imaging techniques allow us to see how and where the brain is active before a behaviour is actually executed.  The decision has already been made when our conscious self catches up with these activities and declares we have made a decision.”

“Our brains are automatic because physical tissue carries out what we do.  How could it be any other way?  The brain does it before our conceptual self knows about it.”

“The interpretation of things past liberates us from the sense of being tied to the demands of the environment and produces the wonderful sensation that our self is in charge of our destiny.”

Dr. Timothy Wilson, “Strangers to Ourselves – Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious” 

“Consider that at any given moment, our five senses are taking in more than 11 million pieces of information.  …..  The most liberal estimate is that people can process consciously about 40 pieces of information per second.  ….. It would be terribly wasteful to design a system with such incredible sensory acuity but very little capacity to use the incoming information.  Fortunately, we do make use of a great deal of the information, outside of conscious awareness.”

John Bargh and Peter Gollwitzer and their colleagues argue that events in the environment can trigger goals and direct our behaviour completely outside of conscious awareness.  Just as other kinds of thinking can become habitual, automatic, and non-conscious, so can the selection of goals.”

Wegner and Wheatley’s provocative theory illustrates that a sense of conscious will cannot be taken as evidence that conscious thoughts really did cause our behaviour.  The causal role of conscious thought has been vastly overrated; instead, it is often a post-hoc explanation of responses that emanated from the adaptive unconscious.”

Dr. Joshua Greene & Dr. Jonathan Cohen, “For the law, neuroscience changes nothing and everything

“Intuitively, we want to punish those people who truly deserve it, but whenever the causes of someone’s behaviour are made sufficiently vivid, we no longer see that person as truly deserving of punishment.  This insight is expressed by the old French proverb: ‘to know all, is to forgive all’.  It is also expressed in the teachings of religious figures, such as Jesus and Buddha, who preach a message of universal compassion.  Neuroscience can make this message more compelling by vividly illustrating the mechanical nature of human action.”

Dr. Robert Sapolsky, “Behave – The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst

“A behaviour has occurred; what happened in everything from a second to a million years earlier that helps explain why it happened?  Some themes have come up repeatedly:

  • To understand things, you must incorporate neurons and hormones and early development and genes, etc., etc.
  • These aren’t separate categories – there are few clear-cut causal agents, so don’t count on there being the brain region, the neurotransmitter, the gene, the cultural influence, or the single anything that explains a behaviour.
  • Instead of causes, biology is repeatedly about propensities, potentials, vulnerabilities, predispositions, proclivities, interactions, modulations, contingencies, …
  • No one said this was easy.  But the subject matters.”

“Is resisting temptation at every turn an outcome of ‘will’, …. or is it an act of ‘grace’, where there’s no struggle, because it’s simple; you don’t cheat? 

(The research found that) it was grace.  In those who were always honest, the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, ventrolateral prefrontal cortex, and anterior cingulate cortex were in veritable comas when the chance to cheat arose.  There’s no conflict.  There’s no working hard to do the right thing.  You simply don’t cheat.”

“People intuitively believe in free will, not just because we have this terrible human need for agency but also because most people know next to nothing about those internal forces.  And even the neuroscientist on the witness stand can’t accurately predict which individual with extensive frontal damage will become the serial murderer, because science as a whole still knows about only a handful of those internal forces.  Shattered bone leads to inflammation leads to constricted movement is easy.  Neurotransmitters + hormones + childhood + _____ + _____ + ….. isn’t.”

“Perhaps the loss of freedom that occurs when a dangerous person is removed from society must be deterrence enough.  Perhaps some conventional punishment will still be needed if it is sufficiently deterring.  But what must be abolished are the views that punishment can be deserved and that punishing can be virtuous.”

“The hope is that when it comes to dealing with humans whose behaviours are among our worst and most damaging, words like ‘evil’ and ‘soul’ will be as irrelevant as when considering a car with faulty brakes.  

When a car is being dysfunctional and dangerous we take it to a mechanic.  This is not a dualistic situation where, (a) if the mechanic discovers some broken widget causing the problem, we have a mechanistic explanation but, (b) if the mechanic can’t find anything wrong, we’re dealing with an evil car.

Many who are viscerally opposed to this view charge that it is dehumanizing to frame damaged humans as broken machines.  But as a final, crucial point, doing that is a hell of a lot more humane than demonizing and sermonizing them as sinners.”

“If we deny free will when it comes to the worst of our behaviours, the  same must also apply to the best.  To our talents, displays of willpower and focus, moments of bursting creativity, decency, and compassion.  Logically it should seem as ludicrous to take credit for those traits as to respond to a compliment on the beauty of your cheekbones …” 

Dr. David Eagleman, “Incognito – The Secret Lives of the Brain

“When your biology changes, so can your decision making, your appetites, and your desires.  The drives you take for granted … depend on the intricate details of your neural machinery.  Although acting on such drives is popularly thought to be a free choice, the most cursory examination of the evidence demonstrates the limits of that assumption.”

“Although our decisions may seem like free choices, no good evidence exists that they actually are.”

“The crux of the question is whether all of your actions are fundamentally on autopilot or whether there is some little bit that is ‘free’ to choose, independent of the rules of biology.

As far as we can tell, all activity in the brain is driven by other activity in the brain. …. For better or worse, this seems to leave no room  for anything other than neural activity. 

If free will is to have any effect on the actions of the body, it needs to influence the ongoing brain activity.  And to do that, it needs to be physically connected to at least some of the neurons.  But we don’t find any spot in the brain that is not itself driven by other parts of the network.  Instead, every part of the  brain is densely interconnected with – and driven by – other brain parts.  And that suggests that no part is independent and, therefore, ‘free’.”

“Given the steering power of our genetics, childhood experiences, environmental toxins, hormones, neurotransmitters, and neural circuitry, enough of our decisions are beyond our explicit control that we are arguably not the ones in charge.  In other words, free will may exist – but if it does, it has very little room in which to operate. 

… free will, if it exists, is only a small factor riding on top of enormous automated machinery.  So small that we may be able to think about bad decision making in the same way we think about any other physical process, such as diabetes or lung disease.”

“The more we discover about the circuitry of the brain, the more the answers tip away from accusations of indulgence, lack of motivation, and poor discipline – and move toward the details of the biology.  The shift from blame to science reflects our modern understanding that our perceptions and behaviours are controlled by inaccessible subroutines that are easily perturbed.”

“… if there is a measurable brain problem, that buys leniency for the defendant.  He’s not really to blame.  But we do blame someone if we lack the technology to detect a biological  problem.  And this gets us to the heart of our argument: that blameworthiness is the wrong question to ask.” 

“We may someday find that certain types of bad behaviour will have a meaningful biological explanation – as has happened with schizophrenia, epilepsy, depression, and mania.  ….    A just legal system cannot define culpability simply by the limitations of current technology.”

“The bottom line of the argument is that criminals should always be treated as incapable of having acted otherwise.  The criminal activity itself should be taken as evidence of brain abnormality.”

“Now, there’s a critical nuance to appreciate here.  Not everyone with a brain tumor undertakes a mass shooting, and not all males commit crimes.  Why not?  As we will see in the next chapter, it is because genes and environment interact in unimaginably complex patterns.  As a result, human behaviour will always remain unpredictable.”

“Because of inaccessible fluctuations in our biological soup, some days we find ourselves more irritable, humorous, well spoken, calm, energized, or clear-thinking.  Our internal life and external actions are steered by biological cocktails to which we have neither immediate access nor direct acquaintance.”

“The critical take-home lesson is that invisibly small changes inside the brain can cause massive changes to behaviour.  Our choices are inseparably married to the tiniest details of our machinery.”

“Given these facts on the ground, it is far from clear that we hold the option of ‘choosing’ who we would like to be.”

“These examples demonstrate that it is neither biology alone nor environment alone that determines the final product of a personality.  When it comes to the nature versus nurture question, the answer almost always includes both.  ….. 

This is the reason people come to the table with quite different ways of seeing the world, dissimilar personalities, and varied capacities for decision making.”

Warmest regards,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

 

“It’s important to remember we always do the best we can with the information, skills, and resources we have available at the time.”

Mark Coleman, author of “Make Peace With Your Mind

 

The Illusion of Free Will

Free will is an illusion. 

And why this matters, and matters deeply, is that the mistaken belief in free will hinders us from creating a more compassionate society, one free from  angered moral judgments about each other’s behaviour – judgments that, in the absence of free will, are seen for what they truly are:  indefensible

Just give a moment’s thought to all the hateful, self-righteous vilification meted out by society rooted in the unquestioned and unchallenged belief that humans possess the ability to choose their behaviour and so are responsible for that behaviour:  

  • The drug addict who could have chosen not to get involved with drugs.  Condemn her!
  • The shoplifter who could have chosen not to steal.  Vilify him!
  • The abusive husband who could have chosen not to beat his wife and kids.  Punish him!
  • The murderer who could have chosen to live a law-abiding life.  Execute him!

Such misplaced hate and moral outrage have tragic real-world implications:

In the early hours of 13 January 2021, convicted murderer, Lisa Montgomery, was executed by the U.S. government.  Her lawyers had asked then-President, Donald Trump, for clemency, citing mental health issues brought on by a horrific childhood where physical, psychological, and sexual abuse at the hands of her mother and her mother’s boyfriends was routine.  Clemency was denied.

————-

On 14 July 2020, convicted murderer, Daniel Lewis Lee, was executed by the U.S. government.  Then Attorney General William Barr said, “Lee finally faced the justice he deserved.”  

The justice he deserved?  Really?  Did he really deserve it?  Only if we continue to mistakenly cling  to the illusion that is free will.

Here’s the Problem

A moment’s reflection on the points that follow make it clear that we’re not the ones driving the car of our actions – we didn’t make them happen.  Why?  Because we couldn’t make them happen.

Free Will Problem #1:  The Laws of Physics 

Consider this:  as the universe unfolds, what is permitted to happen in each subsequent moment is constrained by and driven by three factors:

  1. The current state of all that the universe is comprised of – all its atoms, all its energy, everything.
  2. The laws of physics that dictate what these components are able to do next within the strict bounds of these physical laws.
  3. Random quantum fluctuations that introduce a dash of uncertainty into the entire process.

Therefore, to posit the existence of free will is to assert that one of the following statements is true:

  • That we have the ability to control these factors.  False.
  • That humans are not part of the universe and so answer to different physical laws.  Also false.
  • That we are part of the universe but that, through the use of our minds, we have the ability to override the laws of physics.  Absurdly false.

Because we are obviously part of the universe, it necessarily follows that we are, indeed, subject to these three factors.  Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that our behaviour, what we do in each subsequent moment, is also constrained by and driven by these factors, not by some magical mind power.  There is no room for the existence of free will in this picture

Free Will Problem #2:  What Causes the Cause Behind a Behaviour?

Let’s say we have a thought about having a coffee.  But a thought is nothing more than a biochemical reaction happening in our brain.  Therefore, in order to even have that thought, a whole chain reaction of biochemical events has to first occur in our brain to create it.

But who exactly initiates that chain reaction?  It couldn’t be us because we – just now – had that thought about having a coffee. 

In order to have initiated the chain reaction of biochemical events leading to the creation of that thought about having a coffee we would first have had to have had a thought about having a thought about having a coffee. 

But, in order to have a thought about having a thought about having a coffee, we would first have had to have had a thought about that thought as well!

You see the problem here?!  There is no possible way for us to be the prime mover behind our thoughts – it’s simply physically impossible.  There is no room for the existence of free will in this picture

“You can do what you decide to do – but you cannot decide what you will decide to do.”

Sam Harris – “Free Will

“What is more likely, that thinking drives biological activity or that biological activity drives thinking?  And if you believe the former, what exactly is it that manifests the thinking?  Or does such thinking simply spring fully formed out of thin air with no prior causes?  Does this sound even remotely plausible?  No, clearly it does not.  Ipso facto, free will is an illusion.”

Anonymous

Problem #3:  All Thoughts and Actions Arise from Gooey Brain Stuff 

When we make the apparent decision to pick up a pencil, that thought obviously takes place inside our brain; neurons fire, biochemicals are released, energy is made available to drive it all, etc., etc.. 

But here’s the thing – we can’t consciously control any of these things – they just happen; just like we don’t consciously control the pumping of our heart or the functioning of our kidneys.  

Consider this.  Go and observe the antics of a squirrel.  Is he working through his well-considered to-do list for the day as he scampers around?  Of course not.  We attribute a squirrel’s actions entirely to instinct, its behaviour controlled and dictated entirely by its biology. 

So what anatomical feature is it in humans that supposedly endows us with the ability to control our biology – the gooey stuff of the brain – through the force of free will?  

Of course, there is no such anatomical feature.   All mammalian brains share the same basic structural features (hardly a surprise given our shared evolutionary ancestry). 

If free will exists then it must necessarily follow that there is a part of our brain that stands separate and apart from the rest of it in order to assert control over that other part.  But no such part exists. 

This point is adroitly made by Dr. Robert Sapolsky of Stanford University in his wonderful book, “Behave – The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst“:

Here’s how I’ve always pictured mitigated free will: 

There’s the brain – neurons, synapses, neurotransmitters, receptors, brain-specific transcription factors, epigenetic effects, gene transpositions during neurogenesis. 

Aspects of brain function can be influenced by someone’s prenatal environment, genes and hormones, whether their parents were authoritative or their culture egalitarian, whether they witnessed violence in childhood, when they had breakfast. It’s the whole shebang, all of this book.

And then, separate from that, in a concrete bunker tucked away in the brain, sits a little man (or woman, or ungendered individual), a homunculus, at a control panel.  And the homunculus sits there controlling behaviour.  A homunculus in your brain, but not of it, operating independently of the material rules of the universe that constitute modern science.” 

Needless to say, no such homunculus exists.  Once again, there is no room for the existence of free will in this picture.

Directly Experiencing the Absence of Free Will

For the next five minutes pay careful attention to your actions and note how many of them, if any, are the direct result of your conscious intervention

For example, you bring your hand to your face to scratch an itch.  Did you first  think, “Gee, I’ve got an itchy spot on the left side of my nose.  I think I’ll raise my arm two feet, three inches, move my hand within 2.5 inches of my face, and then move my index finger (but definitely not my thumb or other fingers) to scratch that spot; but I’ll be sure to only apply a quarter pound of pressure and, oh yes, avoid using too much finger nail as I don’t wish to draw blood.”

Of course not!

 And another example.  You’re sitting in a chair and suddenly shift your butt slightly to the left.  Did you consciously think, “Gee, I’m feeling a bit of discomfort under the right side of my buttocks.  I think I’ll shift my entire body a quarter inch to the left (but definitely not half an inch) to relieve the pressure.”

No!  Never crossed your mind!  It just happened, all on its own, and your only role was that of passive observer of your behaviour.

Both examples, and many more easily uncovered through careful observation, illustrate my point – we mistakenly assume we are the authors of our behaviour when, in fact, we are nothing more than the observers of that behaviour. 

Yes, we’re certainly adept at coming up with convincing stories after the fact to explain and justify why we did what we just did but, in reality, we don’t have the slightest clue!

“We have ways of retrospectively telling stories about our actions as though the actions were always our idea.”

“When one part of the brain makes a choice, other parts quickly invent a story to explain why.”

“Hidden programs drive actions, and the left hemisphere makes justifications.  This idea of retrospective storytelling suggests that we come to know our own attitudes and emotions, at least partially, by inferring them from observations of our own behaviour.”

Dr. David Eagleman, “Incognito – The Secret Lives of the Brain” 

The Basis for a Better World

Because free will is an illusion, it naturally follows that:

  1. We don’t get to choose our behaviour; it’s molded by life experiences over which we have no choice and driven by inaccessible neuronal subroutines over which we have no control.  In all animals but ourselves we call it instinct.  Seems a tad arrogant on our part, don’t you think?  
  2. Since we don’t get to choose our behaviour, we cannot be held responsible for our behaviour.
  3. And since we can’t be held responsible for our behaviour, we shouldn’t be judged for our behaviour.

With free will exposed for what it is – an illusion – the foundations underpinning so much of the world’s hate, moral outrage, and cries for retribution utterly crumble.  

And once we see the innocence behind each other’s actions we make much-needed room for compassion, caring, and understanding to arise –  the basis for a better world for us all.

“Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”

Pema Chodron, Buddhist nun and author

So, the Criminals Go Free Do They!!!

Of course not.  Society still has to be protected from dangerous individuals by locking them safely away.  Those who can be rehabilitated are helped to do so.  Those who are incapable of rehabilitation are warehoused for life. 

But this is all done with respect, compassion, caring, and understanding.  In such an enlightened society as this we no longer blame criminals for being who they are or for what they did.  After all, they could no more have chosen not to commit their crime than you could have chosen not to take that last piece of chocolate cake.  In the absence of free will there is no place for hate, vengeance, or retribution.  

“What does it mean to say that rapists and murderers commit their crimes of their own free will?  If this statement means anything it must be that they could have behaved differently.  They could have resisted the impulse to do so – with the universe, including their brains, in precisely the same state it was in at the moment they committed their crimes.  But the moment we catch sight of the stream of causes that precede their conscious decisions, reaching back into childhood and beyond, their culpability begins to disappear.”

“I think that losing the sense of free will has only improved my ethics – by increasing my feelings of compassion and forgiveness.” 

“Once we recognize that even the most terrifying predators are, in a very real sense, unlucky to be who they are, the logic of hating them begins to unravel.”

Sam Harris

So, We Can Never Hope to Better Ourselves?

Once again, of course not.  Human behaviour is influenced by both nature and nurture – our biology and our life experiences. 

While we can’t do much about our biology, most of us (but not all – more on this below) have the ability to influence our life experiences.  For example, I used to be very judgmental of others’ behaviour; until I was introduced to Mindfulness by one of my clients. 

The more I learned about it the less judgmental and the more compassionate and understanding I became.  I literally changed myself for the better (to be more precise, I influenced changes to my brain through the mechanism of neural plasticity, for the better).

But I can’t, and don’t, take any credit for this.  What made my brain conducive to neuronal restructuring?  I don’t know.  Why did I find Mindfulness study interesting?  I don’t know.  Where did I get the determination to delve into it as deeply as I have?  I don’t know.  What made me want to start a blog about it to share its hopeful message widely?  I don’t know.

And here’s the thing – I can never know.  All I can rest my hat on is that some combination of nature and nurture gifted me with the ability to better myself.  And for this I am thankful, but I certainly can’t take credit for it.

And then there are those unfortunate individuals for whom nature and nurture have conspired to stunt their desire and/or ability to steer themselves toward a better path in life.

Do such individuals deserve punishment for factors over which they have no control?  Of course not.  I don’t deserve any credit for my good fortune, and they don’t deserve to be faulted for their misfortune.

Did Daniel Lewis Lee get the justice he deserved

I hope by now, in light of everything we’ve covered in this post (as well as these two previous posts (here and here)), the answer is abundantly clear:

“Compassion, always” is our only defensible, and sensible, way forward.

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Sources (and highly-suggested reading)

“We experience willing a walk in the park, winding a clock, or smiling at someone, and the feeling keeps our notion of ourselves as persons intact.  Our sense of being a conscious agent who does things comes at a cost of being technically wrong all the time.  The feeling of doing is how it seems, not what it is – but that is as it should be.  All is well, because the illusion makes us human.”

Dr. Daniel Wegner

“You and I seem to sense first and act second.  But in your brain, sensing actually comes second.  Your brain is wired to initiate your actions before you’re aware of them.  The brain is a predicting organ.  It launches your next set of actions based on your past experience and current situation, and it does so outside of your awareness.”

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, “Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain

“In Chapter 16 I will argue that it is wrong to think that understanding must lead to forgiveness – mainly because I think that a term like “forgiveness”, and others related to criminal  justice (e.g. “evil”, “soul”, “volition”, and “blame”) are incompatible with science and should be discarded.”

Dr. Robert Sapolsky

“We need to set aside the notion that our choices and decisions and actions have their ultimate origin within each of us, that they are brought into being by our independent agencies, that they emerge from deliberations that stand beyond the reach of physical law.  We need to recognize that although the sensation of free will is real, the capacity to exert free will – the capacity for the human mind to transcend the laws that control physical progression – is not.”

“To sum up:  We are physical beings made of large collections of particles governed by nature’s laws.  Everything we do and everything we think amounts to motions of those particles.   …..  And since all observations, experiments, and valid theories confirm that particle motion is fully controlled by mathematical rules, we can no more intercede in this lawful progression of particles than we can change the value of pi.”

Dr. Brian Greene, “Until the End of Time

“You want so desperately to believe that you determine things in your life, yet that belief has no true substance.  It floats like a ghost in a mind machine forged by ancient evolutionary forces.  You were as helpless in deciding to buy this book as I was in writing it.”

“Free will is, sadly, an illusion – a mirage.”

Dr. Adrian Raine, “The Anatomy of Violence

“Let’s first be clear about what free will is not.  Free will is not an intervention in the flow of physical systems in the universe, more specifically in the brain, making things happen that wouldn’t otherwise happen.  This “spooky” free will invokes Cartesian dualism, demands freedom from the laws of cause and effect, and offers nothing of explanatory value in return.”

“And when making the tea, it certainly seemed to me that I could have made coffee instead.  But I didn’t want coffee, I wanted tea, and since I can’t choose my wants, I made tea.  Given the precise state of the universe at that time, which includes the state of my body and brain, all of which have prior causes …..   I could not have done otherwise.”

Dr. Anil Seth, author of “Being You – A New Science of Consciousness

Do These Things and You WILL Suffer

2600 years ago the Buddha pointed out these basic, simple truths:

  • Bad things happen in life and there’s nothing we can do about this; into every life some rain must fall.  He described this as ‘the first arrow’, one that strikes us and can’t be avoided.
  • Suffering psychologically over these bad things is completely optional because we bring such suffering upon ourselves – we are the authors of our own suffering.  He described this as ‘the second arrow’, the one we shoot into ourselves.
  • We create needless suffering for ourselves whenever we indulge in specific behaviour

So, what behaviour lies at the root of our psychological suffering?

Life’s ‘Second Arrows’

If we desire a peaceful life, we have to stop shooting second arrows into ourselves:

Don’t Cling to What You Like

Don’t cling to the things you love in life.  Enjoy them while they’re here but let them go once their time is done.  Prized possessions, friends and family, good health, wonderful moments in time – all are fleeting.  Cling to them, rail against their inevitable loss, and you WILL suffer.

Don’t Rail Against What You Don’t Like

Again, into every life some rain must fall.  Complain about the inevitable rain and you WILL suffer.  The alternative, embracing all of life with equanimity and acceptance, is the wiser path forward, the one that fosters psychological peace of mind. 

Don’t Adopt the Delusion of Self

If you view others as being separate and apart from yourself you WILL suffer.  Adopting such a world view invites needless conflict where self-centred egos engage in pointless battles over supremacy of belief.  The alternative, practicing selflessness and goodwill toward all, is the wise path to a peaceful, honorable life. 

Don’t Rail Against Impermanence

Nothing is permanent, everything is in constant flux.  Expect differently and you WILL suffer.

The End of Psychological Suffering

Whenever life starts to feel like a struggle, bring these ‘second arrows’ to mind and see if you’re not indulging in one (or more) of them, see if you’re not resisting reality, resisting what IS.  Odds are very high that you are.  

Then, in the knowledge that you are creating your own hell, gently pull out the ‘second arrows’ – slow your mind, smile at your folly, and move forward with equanimity and acceptance.

Warmest regards,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Q&A

Q:   You speak of “acceptance”.  There is much social injustice in the world.  Are you saying we are to simply accept it and not take steps to confront it?

A:    No, not at all.  By acceptance I simply mean dropping all drama and just dealing with whatever situation life presents – no gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair.  We just do what needs doing and move on – no muss, no fuss.  

But acceptance definitely does not mean passivity.  When faced with social injustice it is our duty as conscientious citizens to oppose it and take steps to effect change.  The issue, however, is how best to bring this about.

Martin Luther King Jr. set the example.  He espoused love as the means to effect change and vigorously spoke out against resorting to hatred and violence when confronting social injustice.  So did Gandhi.  So did Nelson Mandela. So did the Buddha. So do the teachings of Jesus.

And why this makes sense is that the natural human reaction, when faced with anger and aggression, is not to listen, is not to try to understand, but rather to tune out, to defend against, and even to counter-attack. Anger and violence as means to effect change make matters worse, not better.

So, in answer to your question, acceptance does not mean we put up with injustice.  We most definitely strive to effect positive societal change, but we do so always with respect (and a healthy dash of persistence). 

And if respecting those with whom you have an issue is proving problematic, I encourage you to review these posts (here and here).

Q:    You say we’re not to cling to friends and family we’ve lost.  So, when a loved one dies, we’re just to forget about them?

A:    No, not at all, this is not what I mean by clinging.  It’s the difference between choosing to grieve positively or negatively.  For a discussion of this point I direct you to this post.

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

 

Thinking Our Way to Peace, Contentment, & Happiness

“You are one thought away from happiness, one thought away from sadness. The secret lies in thought.”

Sydney Banks, “The Missing Link

Picture yourself in this situation:  You and your spouse are driving home from a social function.  An embarrassing incident had occurred and the two of you are engaged in an epic argument over it. 

Suddenly, as you enter an intersection, a driver running a red light slams into the passenger side of your car.

Do you keep on arguing?

Of course not.  With tremendous concern you immediately check on each other’s physical welfare.

So, what happened to your argument, the one that seemed so important just seconds before? 

What happened to it is this: You both simply experienced a change of thought

From being furious with each other one moment to showing deep, loving concern the next, all due to nothing more than switching the TV channel of your mind.

But here’s the thing, it doesn’t take an accident to experience a change of thought; we have the ability to dismiss any thought at will.  This is why happiness is always a choice; our choice.

“People are capable of dismissing any emotions, to the extent that they realize that emotions are thoughts.”

Dr. George Pransky, “The Renaissance of Psychology

“Once we realize that thoughts are empty, the mind will no longer have the power to deceive us.  But as long as we take our deluded thoughts as real, they will continue to torment us mercilessly.”

Joseph Goldstein, “Mindfulness – A Practical Guide to Awakening

The Link Between Thoughts, Feelings, and Perception

Put simply, our thoughts directly dictate how we feel and how we perceive the world.

Whenever we lose sight of this fact, three problems arise:

  1. We feel justified in feeling the way we do and so act on our negative feelings.  We end up spewing aggression into the world, directly harming ourselves and those unfortunate enough to be around us.
  2. We mistakenly attribute the cause of our feelings to be external factors – a spilled can of paint causes us to feel frustrated; an unkind comment causes us to feel angry; a long line at the grocery store causes us to feel agitated.  
  3. We make ourselves helpless victims of external circumstances.  In the mistaken belief that outside factors are causing our agitation, we set about trying to change the world (e.g. divorcing our spouse, quitting our job, distancing ourselves from friends and family, moving to a new home or city, yelling at our children, ….).  But because we have, at best, only tenuous control over people and situations, helpless victimhood becomes entrenched.  And even when we are able to effect change, we soon discover that new upsets simply take their place.  As a result, trying to change the world to our liking becomes a never-ending, futile quest.

“Negative emotions are simply insecure, habitual ways of reacting to life.”

Dr. George Pransky

Thinking Our Way to Peace, Contentment, and Happiness

“It’s our thinking, not our circumstances, that determines how we feel.  We forget, moment to moment, that we are in charge of our thinking.”

Richard Carlson, “You Can be Happy No Matter What

Healthy thoughts induce positive feelings and an easy-going view of life.  Even when life’s inevitable challenges arise, they feel manageable and not that big a deal.

Conversely, unhealthy thoughts induce negative feelings.  In such a state, the world suddenly appears harsh and life feels like a struggle.

But here’s the thing – the world hasn’t changed.  The only thing that’s changed is the quality of our thinking. 

In truth, whenever we’re feeling upset, it’s us who’s causing it.  Through our own dysfunctional thinking we’re making ourselves upset – and that’s all that’s going on

And yes, it really is this simple. 

Want to ditch the drama?  Want to be free from anger, fear, frustration, bitterness, regret, anxiety, tension, stress, agitation, jealousy, envy, hatred, ……. ? 

Of course, we all do.  And here’s the good news – all it takes is in-the-moment recognition that it’s just our own thinking, nothing more, that’s creating our negative feelings.  

“Thought is not reality.  However, our personal realities are molded via our thoughts.”

Sydney Banks 

“One of the most freeing insights of meditation practice is realizing that the only power thoughts have is the power we give them.”

Joseph Goldstein

Choosing Healthy Thinking

So, given that what we think about is always our choice, why would we ever choose to indulge negative thoughts when they just create negative feelings

Clearly we wouldn’t.  We do so only because:

  1. We may be completely ignorant of the link between thinking and feeling.
  2. Or we may be aware of the link but still mistakenly believe that some negative feelings are normal and warranted, just a part of life that has to be endured.
  3. Or we may be aware of the link but, through lack of practice, haven’t yet mastered the skill to simply dismiss negative thoughts.
  4. Or we may be aware of the link, practice thought dismissal regularly, but sometimes still get all caught up in our thoughts and end up behaving in an unskillful manner.  Hey, no one’s perfect, but at least we’re striving to be so!

With practice, at the onset of any negative feelings, something as simple as bringing to mind the words ‘faulty thinking‘ is all it takes to wake us up to the fact that our thinking is temporarily dysfunctional.  And, by definition, all negative thinking is dysfunctional

Why is this the case?  Because we always get to choose how to deal with an unpleasant situation.  We can either choose the path of calm wisdom and simply deal with the situation matter-of-factly or we can choose the path of needless, pointless drama.  Because drama adds nothing of benefit to any situation – indeed, only makes it worse – it necessarily follows that negative thinking is dysfunctional as otherwise why would any sane individual choose to worsen an already unpleasant situation?

So, once practiced in noticing the onset of negative feelings we’re then positioned to dismiss the underlying negative thoughts – just let them go.  Absent our attention, they’re soon replaced by healthier thoughts which provide us with clarity and perspective. 

“In a moment of understanding, a person actually sees the connection between his/her thought and his/her experienced reality, and having seen that connection, is able to change from within.”

Dr. George Pransky 

Seeing the Folly:  Using Our Feelings as Signals 

Just as positive physical feelings signal sound physical health, positive emotional feelings signal sound mental health.  In such a state, we can trust that we’re seeing the world with clarity and wisdom.

In a similar manner, just as negative physical feelings signal physical malfunction, negative emotional feelings signal mental malfunction; we are drifting into dysfunctional thinking and are being warned that we’re no longer seeing the world with either clarity or wisdom. 

Negative emotional feelings are simply our body’s warning not to head down that path, to instead pause and slow down our thinking so we may regain proper perspective.  

Regaining proper perspective is nothing more than recognizing, in real time, that it’s just us causing our own upset, and always is us.

“When we begin to see that our experience of past and future is just a thought in the moment, a huge burden is lifted from our lives.   We’re not lost in our mind-created worlds.”

Joseph Goldstein

So, Who Appointed You Emperor of the Dishwasher?  

Here’s a lighthearted example of what I’ve been talking about:  

Those who know me will not be at all surprised to learn that I’m a touch fastidious (okay, a lot fastidious!) when it comes to optimally organizing a dishwasher.  Plates go this way so that bowls can go that way and cutlery gets arranged for maximum exposure to the unit’s cleaning jets.  Just makes sense, right?  Totally logical and efficient.

Unfortunately, my dear wife doesn’t see the world of dishwasher-arranging quite the same way I do.  In fact, pretty much the opposite.  Plates, bowls, and cutlery are, to my way of thinking, totally helter-skelter.  At times I swear she loads the darned machine by simply opening its door and tossing soiled dishes into it from across the room!  

Needless to say, given my said fastidiousness, negative thoughts about my otherwise dear wife sometimes do cross my mind, followed, naturally, by negative feelings!  

It’s then that mindfulness practice saves me from myself:

  • My negative feelings serve as a warning that my thinking is momentarily faulty – “Don’t go down that road!” they tell me.
  • Aware that negative feelings are caused by my own negative thinking, I immediately see my folly: “She’s not the cause of my agitation, I am!”. 
  • Armed with this awareness, I stop mistaking my negative thinking for reality.
  • Having now returned to a better state of mind, healthier thoughts arise:  “It’s only plates in a dishwasher for goodness sake!”, “Who made you emperor of the dishwasher?!“, “That was a lovely meal she cooked up for us tonight.”, “I think I’ll put on my headphones and stream some classical music.”, “I wonder who won the big boxing match  last night?“, and so on and so forth! 

Needless to say, were I to instead indulge my negative thinking, see my wife as the cause of my agitation rather than recognize the true cause – my own thinking – the outcome would most definitely not be pretty.  I would be upset, she would be upset, and all for what – ‘proper’ dish arrangement in a dishwasher!!??

While this example obviously addresses a rather trivial situation (which, nonetheless, could easily escalate to being far from trivial!), the same steps apply regardless of a situation’s seriousness:

  1. Always be aware of negative feelings – these are your early-warning signal that your thinking is momentarily dysfunctional.
  2. Recall that negative feelings are caused by your own faulty thinking (and not the situation you find yourself in).
  3. Pause, breathe deeply and slowly, relax your muscles, slow your mind down, regain perspective, and then simply dismiss your negative thoughts – just let them go.  If need be,  repeat silently to yourself, ‘faulty thinking‘. 
  4. In the moment, remember that negative thoughts aren’t reality, they’re just thoughts, ones that you’ve made up all on your own.
  5. Turn your mind to healthier thoughts
The Three Principles

What I’ve been describing is part of a psychotherapy modality known as “The Three Principles” (3P), a school of thought I personally believe holds the key to materially reducing the psychological suffering so prevalent in today’s world – everything from minor agitation to genocidal hatred – all of it senseless, needless, and preventable. 

Unlike most therapies that categorize certain behaviours as “illnesses”, 3P instead posits that virtually everyone, no matter how outwardly troubled, possesses innate mental health temporarily obscured by the innocent misuse of thinking (i.e. failing to see the link between one’s thoughts and one’s feelings; incorrectly attributing negative feelings to external factors; and then acting in an unhealthy manner due to this incorrect attribution).

Based on my own personal experience, living the tenets of 3P, I encourage everyone reading this post, in the strongest possible terms, to do themselves an enormous favor by further exploring the concepts behind 3PI believe them to be life-changing.

Here, for such edification, are some eminently insightful books:

  1. The Renaissance of Psychology“, Dr. George Pransky
  2. The Enlightened Gardener“, Sydney Banks
  3. The Inside Out Revolution“, Michael Neill
  4. You Can be Happy No Matter What“, Richard Carlson
  5. Coming Home“, Dr. Dicken Bettinger & Natasha Swerdloff
  6. The Missing Link“, Sydney Banks
  7. Slowing Down to the Speed of Life“, Richard Carlson & Joseph Bailey
  8. The Wisdom Within“, Roger Mills & Elsie Spittle

Warmest regards,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Appendix 1:  Levels of Mental Health 

Dr. George Pransky, co-developer of 3P (which, in turn, is based on the teachings of Mr. Sydney Banks), posits five levels of increasing mental health, each higher level representing an increased awareness of the link between our thoughts, our feelings, and our experiential reality.

So, what’s your level on the mental health ladder?  

Level 1:  Chronic Deep Distress

Individuals at this level have zero thought awareness; every thought represents reality, no matter how delusional.  Schizophrenics fall into this category, unable to question the validity of any thought.  Unable to hold down a job or maintain personal relationships, such individuals are often placed under guardianship to protect them from their own frightening, self-created ‘reality’.

Level 2:  Chronic Distress 

While not suffering from psychotic delusions, such individuals nonetheless fail  to see any link between their thinking and their experienced reality.  To them, it is external circumstances, not their own thinking, that causes their agitation.  As a result, they feel victimized and waste much of their life trying to fix their many “problems”.  With such a distorted perception of life, work and personal relationships suffer. 

Level 3:  Chronic Stress

While possessing some thought recognition – for example, able to dismiss unpleasant thoughts in good times – they are easily agitated when things don’t go their way.  Further, such reactions are mistakenly considered both justified and perfectly normal – just the way life is.  Unfortunately, given the frequency with which life fails to follow our desired script, such individuals experience stress and emotional upset with some frequency and pointlessly waste time trying to mold external circumstances to their liking.

Level 4:  Well-Being

Understanding the link between the quality of thought and the quality of lived experience, such individuals are able to make suitable adjustments to their thinking whenever they feel distressed rather than uselessly trying to change the world around them.   Emotionally intelligent, they get along easily with others and function at a high level.

Level 5:  Profound Well-Being

Possessing a high degree of thought recognition, such individuals easily dismiss negative thoughts and so live free of stress.  Seeing their own views as subjective opinions rather than concrete reality renders them open-minded, humble, and easy-going.  People relax in their presence and they bring out the best in those around them.  In possession of a calm mind and ease of being, such individuals are able to readily access their innate intelligence and so tend to be highly creative.

N.B.   “Innate intelligence” refers to the intelligence that operates outside of our conscious awareness.  This is the type of intelligence that leads to those “ah ha!” moments of profound insight that seem to come out of nowhere (for insight into innate intelligence see, “Incognito:  The Secret Lives of the Brain“, by Dr. David Eagleman). 

3P posits that we can only access our innate intelligence when we are in what it refers to as “Free-Flow Thinking” mode, an effortless, almost non-thinking state accessible only when the mind is calm. 

Its opposite, referred to as “Process Thinking“, is the type of thinking we bring to bear on such things as school learning and problem solving.  Unlike Free-Flow Thinking, Process Thinking feels effortful and, when over-used, negatively impacts mental well-being.  Because Process Thinking relies on the manipulation of already-known information, it yields no profound insights.

Appendix 2:  Selected 3P Quotes

While I encourage you to read all of the books listed above, here are some selected quotes from them to ponder:

“When people are awakened to the nature of their psychological lives, they experience new, wiser thinking about the same life circumstances that previously seemed problematic.”   Dr. George Pransky

“Thoughts taken as thoughts will come and go uneventfully, while those taken as ‘reality’ will persist and become a way of life.  The distressed person will live in thoughts and feelings of overwhelm and dissatisfaction; the stressed person in feelings of tension.  What each level thinks is real will appear to be real and what appears to be thought will not take on a reality.”   Dr. George Pransky

“Rather than believing that we are seeing life realistically, we can learn to question our judgment when we’re feeling off.”   Richard Carlson

“Remember that your thoughts are just thoughts.  They cannot harm, frighten, or overwhelm you without your consent.”   Richard Carlson

“We don’t experience the world, we experience our thinking about the world.”   Michael Neill

“No matter how long people have suffered, they’re never more than one thought away from peace.”   Michael Neill

“You are free to pay attention to a thought or not.  You are free to act on a thought or not.”   Dicken Bettinger & Natasha Swordloff

“When you let go of judgmental thinking your spirits lift and you see life with more understanding and compassion.”  Dicken Bettinger & Natasha Swordloff

“Let your negative thoughts go.  They are nothing more than passing thoughts.  You are then on your way to finding the peace of mind you seek, having healthier feelings for yourself and for others.”   Sydney Banks

“Judging your own faults or the faults of others leads to unhappiness.  A mind that dwells in non-judgment is a contented mind.”    Sydney Banks

“Tread not into yesterday’s sorrows, for they are the pathways of despair.”    Sydney Banks

“We all live in separate realities.”    Sydney Banks

“When you understand the fact of separate realities, there is no logical reason to take personally what others say or do.”  Richard Carlson

“When we know that other people (and ourselves) innocently interpret our beliefs as if they were reality, we can let go of the need to be right.”   Richard Carlson

“Had our past been different, our ideas about life would be different.  Other people’s beliefs are also a result of their past experiences.  Had things been different, a totally different set of  beliefs would have surfaced.”    Richard Carlson 

“When people become aware of these Principles (3P) in action in their day to day lives, they find a new frame of reference, one composed of deeper wisdom, better judgment, and more happiness.”    Roger Mills & Elsie Spittle

Warmest regards,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life