Do These Things and You WILL Suffer

2600 years ago the Buddha pointed out these basic, simple truths:

• Bad things happen in life and there’s nothing we can do about this; into every life some rain must fall.  He described this as ‘the first arrow’, one that strikes us and can’t be avoided.
• Suffering psychologically over these bad things is completely optional because we bring such suffering upon ourselves – we are the authors of our own suffering.  He described this as ‘the second arrow’, the one we shoot into ourselves.
• We create needless suffering for ourselves whenever we indulge in specific behaviour. 

So, what behaviour lies at the root of our psychological suffering?

Life’s ‘Second Arrows’

If we desire a peaceful life, we have to stop shooting second arrows into ourselves:

Don’t Cling to What You Like

Don’t cling to the things you love in life.  Enjoy them while they’re here but let them go once their time is done.  Prized possessions, friends and family, good health, wonderful moments in time – all are fleeting.  Cling to them, rail against their inevitable loss, and you WILL suffer.

Don’t Rail Against What You Don’t Like

Again, into every life some rain must fall.  Complain about the inevitable rain and you WILL suffer.  The alternative, embracing all of life with equanimity and acceptance, is the wiser path forward, the one that fosters psychological peace of mind. 

Don’t Adopt the Delusion of Self

If you view others as being separate and apart from yourself you WILL suffer.  Adopting such a world view invites needless conflict where self-centred egos engage in pointless battles over supremacy of belief.  The alternative, practicing selflessness and goodwill toward all, is the wise path to a peaceful, honorable life. 

Don’t Rail Against Impermanence

Nothing is permanent, everything is in constant flux.  Expect differently and you WILL suffer.

The End of Psychological Suffering

Whenever life starts to feel like a struggle, bring these ‘second arrows’ to mind and see if you’re not indulging in one (or more) of them, see if you’re not resisting reality, resisting what IS.  Odds are very high that you are.  

Then, in the knowledge that you are creating your own hell, gently pull out the ‘second arrows’ – slow your mind, smile at your folly, and move forward with equanimity and acceptance.

Warmest regards,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Q&A

Q:   You speak of “acceptance”.  There is much social injustice in the world.  Are you saying we are to simply accept it and not take steps to confront it?

A:    No, not at all.  By acceptance I simply mean dropping all drama and just dealing with whatever situation life presents – no gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair.  We just do what needs doing and move on – no muss, no fuss.  

But acceptance definitely does not mean passivity.  When faced with social injustice it is our duty as conscientious citizens to oppose it and take steps to effect change.  The issue, however, is how best to bring this about.

Martin Luther King Jr. set the example.  He espoused love as the means to effect change and vigorously spoke out against resorting to hatred and violence when confronting social injustice.  So did Gandhi.  So did Nelson Mandela. So did the Buddha. So do the teachings of Jesus.

And why this makes sense is that the natural human reaction, when faced with anger and aggression, is not to listen, is not to try to understand, but rather to tune out, to defend against, and even to counter-attack. Anger and violence as means to effect change make matters worse, not better.

So, in answer to your question, acceptance does not mean we put up with injustice.  We most definitely strive to effect positive societal change, but we do so always with respect (and a healthy dash of persistence). 

And if respecting those with whom you have an issue is proving problematic, I encourage you to review these posts (here and here).

Q:    You say we’re not to cling to friends and family we’ve lost.  So, when a loved one dies, we’re just to forget about them?

A:    No, not at all, this is not what I mean by clinging.  It’s the difference between choosing to grieve positively or negatively.  For a discussion of this point I direct you to this post.

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life