Just Observe

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.”

Jiddu Krishnamurti, Indian philosopher (1895 – 1986)

Observing Our Senses

Life as we know it comes into existence only because our five senses make us aware of “what’s out there”.

Then it’s up to us. How we choose to relate to these sensory inputs dictates whether we manifest heaven, or manifest hell.

To be mindful is to observe what our senses are telling us without adding a layer of judgmental commentary – “that’s too cold, too salty, too loud, I don’t like that, …… ”

For example, the sound of a lawn mower is inherently neither good nor bad; it’s simply sound waves reaching our ear which are then processed by our brain to let us know there is “something out there” that we should perhaps take note of in case it’s important to our survival.

Dealing with sensory inputs in this unembellished, non-judgmental manner – simply observing them much like a scientist observes an interesting specimen – provides us with psychic calm and homeostasis.

“Peace is this moment without judgment, this moment in the heart-space where everything that is, is welcome.”

Dorothy Hunt, poet and founder of the San Francisco Centre for Meditation and Psychotherapy

But we don’t observe life in this manner, do we.

Instead, we create a running commentary – “That lawn mower of John’s is so noisy I can’t hear myself think!!!! And the smell of the fumes is awful!”

The result? Stress and upset, and all of it entirely self-induced and self-inflicted by our own thoughts; stuff we just make up in our own little heads. After all, what one person finds annoying another may find amusing – only the thought differs.

“The difference between a flower and a weed is a judgment.”

Barry Neil Kaufman, Co-founder of the ‘Option Institute’

Yes, the sound of John’s lawnmower may indeed be making it difficult for you to concentrate. And yes, few would consider lawn mower exhaust fumes to be enjoyable. But we all know that this is exactly what lawnmowers do – that’s just reality.

Applying judgmental commentary to reality accomplishes nothing – it’s just us trying to wish it away, to put up resistance to it.

And what happens when we resist reality? We cause ourselves needless suffering.

So, the point here is that if we succumb to our tendency to be judgmental commentators on everything we see, hear, touch, smell, and taste then agitation will follow us everywhere.

If, on the other hand, we simply observe life – observe reality – through our senses, eschewing colour commentary, then peace, grace, and ease of being will be our constant companions.

This is the lesson of acceptance and non-resistance to life, letting it unfold in its own manner and in its own time without judging each moment as good, bad, or indifferent.

In the absence of resistance, life smooths out and ceases feeling like a struggle.

As mentioned in other posts, this doesn’t mean passive victimization. If something can be done to change or withdraw from a truly intolerable situation (assuming this is the best way forward), then by all means attempt to do so. But if neither change nor withdrawal is possible or prudent, then acceptance is the only sane option.

Observing Our Thoughts, Feelings, Moods, and Emotions

In this same manner, we can also become observers of our thoughts, feelings, moods, and emotions.

Why would we wish to do this? Two reasons come to mind:

If we don’t keep our thoughts at arm’s length – if we don’t put a bit of distance between our conscious awareness and our thoughts – we tend to get all caught up in them. We identify with our thoughts, become one with them, take them seriously, and then make a big deal out of them. And whenever we do this, we inevitably react to life in unhelpful ways.
Putting that little bit of distance between ourselves and our thoughts provides us with the luxury of choice – to choose the wisest way forward rather than reacting unthinkingly.

For example, if we’re feeling angry we invariably react with anger. But we all know that anger just elicits more anger. Is this ever the wisest way forward?

“Understanding how our emotions have the power to run us around in circles helps us discover how we increase our pain.”

Pema Chodron, Buddhist nun and author of “Comfortable With Uncertainty“

“Understand that, in the end, the most powerful anger attack is no more than a thought.”

Matthieu Ricard, Buddhist monk and author of “Why Meditate?“

Why Do We Even Have Feelings?

Given the fact that feelings exacerbate all our perceived troubles, why do we even have them? After all, bacteria seem to thrive just fine without thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

Well, that’s a fair question. Since emotions come so naturally to us we never bother to question why we even have them in the first place. Why do we feel things like joy, anger, love, disgust, fear, and jealousy?

Put simply, feelings are evolution’s way of nudging us to take advantage of opportunities and avoid loss.

But evolution only functions through one principle – enhancing the odds of passing genes to the next generation – our contentment and happiness do not come into play.

“I had thought that selection shaped us to be healthy, happy, nice, cooperative members of a community. Alas, no. Natural selection does not give a fig about our happiness. In the calculus of evolution, only reproductive success matters.”

Randolph Nesse, Professor of Psychiatry and author of “Good Reasons for Bad Feelings”

What this means is that our feelings aren’t always acting in our best interest.

Therefore, if we want to lead happy, peaceful lives, it is incumbent on us to take charge and assume full responsibility for how we act in the face of our feelings, emotions, and moods.

Changing the Calculus of Evolution

Knowing the evolutionary basis behind our feelings and its lack of interest in our peace of mind and mental well-being, with mindfulness practice we can develop the ability to simply observe them non-judgmentally.

For example, let’s say you get a terrible night’s sleep. If you’re like me, you wake up the next morning feeling pretty grouchy!

In such circumstances, a mindless individual, in thrall to their emotions, fully identifies with their grouchiness – they become grouchiness. Trivial issues feel like major irritants and loved ones are lashed out at for the slightest of perceived infractions.

By way of contrast, a mindful individual, practiced in being consciously aware of how they’re feeling moment to moment, simply observes the fact that they’re feeling grouchy – no big deal, it happens to everyone, just part of being human – and they know better than to identify with it or act on it.

So, rather than giving in to their mood, they choose instead to go easy on themselves, and others.

“Because of mindfulness, we see things when they arise. Because of our understanding, we don’t buy into the chain reaction that makes things grow from minute to expansive – we leave things minute.”

Pema Chodron

“We so often create very complicated lives for ourselves, getting lost again and again in the drama of our stories and emotions. And yet, when we investigate our experiences in the moment more carefully, we see that it’s really only six things that ever happen: sights and sounds, smells and tastes, sensations in the body, and objects of mind.

So when things seem too stressful, remember the possibility of renouncing the habit of proliferating thoughts, particularly the “I-me-mine” story, and come back to the simple experience of the moment.”

Joseph Goldstein, “Mindfulness – A Practical Guide to Awakening“

Moods Don’t Last

In addition to appreciating the evolutionary basis behind emotions, it’s also helpful to remind ourselves that moods are transitory, nothing more than unwanted house guests who will be gone come morning.

It’s why the saying, “Time heals all” is a truism – feelings change. The fact of impermanence holds for everything; nothing lasts forever, including thoughts, feelings, emotions, and moods. Don’t latch on to them and they will dissipate all on their own: what was anger-inducing at 9am will be but a mildly-annoying memory by 3pm and completely out of mind by tomorrow.

Becoming the Observer of Our Feelings

To become the observer of our feelings (rather than letting ourselves become their unwitting victim), the following steps are suggested:

Meditate daily because this teaches us to notice, in this instance to notice how we’re feeling moment-to-moment. Through meditation practice we sensitize ourselves to the first signs of emotional distress, giving us a fighting chance to respond differently, to respond better, than we have in the past.
Slow down your mind’s whirlwind of thoughts at the first signs of agitation because this shuts down the reactive part of your brain (the amygdala) and activates the wisely-responsive part (the prefrontal cortex).
Pause before acting because this saves us from saying and doing really stupid things!

By following these steps we separate stimulus (i.e. the emotion) from action, giving ourselves just that little extra bit of time to ease up and engage with life in a more intelligent manner.

If we don’t practice these steps – noticing, slowing down our thinking, and pausing before acting – we fall instead into evolutionary-default-mode.

In this mode we react instinctively, habitually, and unthinkingly. And if this combination doesn’t sound like the path of wisdom, you’d be right!

“It all comes through learning to pause for just a moment and not doing the same thing again and again out of impulse. Simply to pause instead of immediately filling up the space transforms us.”

Pema Chodron

Slowing Down the Mind

So, how do we slow down our mind when it’s whirling with emotion? How do we catch ourselves in time before we do or say something we later regret?

Well, one simple means is by practicing PBS: Pause, Breathe, Smile.

Pause – at the first sign of emotional turmoil, stop whatever you’re doing and turn your attention inward, to the feelings in your body, in particular scanning for areas of muscle tightness, and softening them. Here I imagine my muscles to be like wax melting ever so slowly under a gentle heat. Turning your focus inward in this manner re-directs your attention away from what’s troubling you, kills the stress reaction, and puts a halt to any whiny thinking.
Breathe – breathe slowly and deeply two to three times (in to the count of four, hold for seven, and exhale to the count of eight, with eyes closed if feasible), while continuing to soften any areas of tightness. This activates your calming parasympathetic nervous system, shutting down the stress reaction.
Smile – smiling, even if forced, stimulates the release of helpful hormones (i.e. serotonin – calming, dopamine – pleasure, and endorphins – natural pain killer) and banishes the life-sucking seriousness that accompanies emotional upset. The simple act of smiling helps you regain perspective.

With regular mindfulness practice we can train ourselves to dis-identify with how we’re feeling and, instead, simply observe our emotions, moods, and feelings with kindness and compassion.

Mentally, we may even call them out, “Ah, hello anxiety. I see you.” Bringing them into conscious awareness in this manner slows down our thinking, stops our mind from spinning out of control, and helps us deal with troubling thoughts wisely rather than be subsumed by them.

In the resulting calmer state of mind our actions are inevitably wiser because we’re able to tap into the higher-order executive functioning of our brain’s prefrontal cortex rather than its lower-order reactive amygdala.

“Thus, by becoming more and more familiar with the mechanisms of the mind and by cultivating mindfulness, you will reach the point where you no longer let sparks of nascent emotions turn into forest fires that can destroy your own happiness and that of others.”

Matthieu Ricard

Attaining Psychological Freedom

Daily mindfulness meditation practice trains us to be non-judgmental observers of our senses, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and moods – simply letting them be and noting them with kindness and compassion.

In this manner, we free ourselves from the self-inflicted mental anguish we otherwise bring upon ourselves.

“You are the sky. The clouds are what happens, what comes and goes.”

Eckhart Tolle, author of “The Power of Now“

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

“I am not the endless chatter in my head. I am the me who recognizes that chatter is happening. I am not the me who is impatient in the grocery line or at the stoplight. I am the me who recognizes and acknowledges that impatience.

If I take a breath and change the chatter to “This is me waiting calmly”, that is what the experience becomes. Practising this simple awareness allows me to be present in all moments, to fully inhabit my life.”

Richard Wagamese, Canadian First Nations author and journalist (1955-2017) from his book, “Embers – One Ojibway’s Meditations“