Fortunately, mindfulness is a life skill that can be learned by anyone. And you’re going to get there much faster than I did because I’m going to let you in on all the mistakes I made on my own journey!
My personal Path to Mindfulness
What didn’t work!
During my time at university I could pretty much read the assigned textbook and pick up the required knowledge. I thought I could do the same with mindfulness – just casually read about it and, presto, I would become a mindful person.
Well, that approach failed miserably.
It soon became apparent that as long as things were going my way I was fine. However, when challenged by life, all my bad traits still reared their ugly head.
So, despite having acquired a strong intellectual understanding of the core mindfulness teachings, when life didn’t go my way I immediately defaulted back to being judgmental, reactive, unthinking, lacking in compassion, …… Well, you get the picture – I was definitely not mindful!!
What worked!
Here are the steps that turned the corner for me in my quest for mindfulness:
I implemented a daily meditation practice
I belatedly discovered that my intellectual approach to mindfulness had been doomed to failure from the start because it did absolutely nothing to fix the root cause of my mindless behaviour – it didn’t fix the structure of my brain.
In very simplified terms, repeated behaviour builds super-highways in your brain’s neuronal network. These highways become your go-to neuronal pathways. Each episode of mindless behaviour reinforces all the previous ones. Eventually you end up reacting mindlessly to every challenging situation you face, no matter how insignificant.
This is why we all tend to react to the world habitually, unthinkingly, and unconsciously – because this is what we have inadvertently trained our brains to do.
“What makes the Buddha’s understanding of the mind so powerful is the recognition that because perceptions are conditioned by our mental habits, we can also train our perceptions in a way that supports happiness and freedom.”
Joseph Goldstein, “Mindfulness – A Practical Guide to Awakening“
The question then is, how do we break this unhelpful cycle? And the answer? Through a dedicated, daily meditation practice.
While I was studying mindfulness a number of the books I read suggested meditation. However, I routinely ignored those passages. Unfortunately, my short-sighted attitude was, “Right, I’m going to start meditating! I don’t think so!” Meditation just struck me as so much New Age mumbo jumbo.
Well, it turns out I was dead wrong.
I simply cannot stress strongly enough that a daily meditation practice is absolutely essential to achieving mindfulness.
And the reason is this: without changing your brain’s neurological wiring you’re going to keep exhibiting the same old tired, predictable, unhelpful behaviour you’ve always exhibited.
Numerous studies make it clear that regular meditation rewires your brain. It dampens the harsh, reactive part (i.e. the amygdala and related limbic system) while enhancing the wise part (i.e. the frontal cortex).
So, please don’t make my mistake – start a meditation practice today!
I regularly read about mindfulness
As a personal financial advisor for thirty-three years I read extensively about investing from expert sources, mainly academic journals. In doing so, I often came across the same teachings but presented in different ways, each one helping to deepen my understanding. In this manner the material became deeply ingrained in my mind.
My study of mindfulness followed the exact same path; repeated exposure lead to deeper understanding. This process helped immeasurably to ingrain these teachings into who I now am – a more mindful individual.
To help you follow this same path I have provided a list of suggested readings, all from highly-respected authors and presenters.
I make quiet time to ponder what I read
The profundity of mindfulness wisdom is not readily grasped through casual reading; it just isn’t. It must be pondered. Setting aside time for quiet reflection of the teachings is essential.
Yes, I know, the thought of fitting yet another task into an already busy day may seem unrealistic. But life is always a case of prioritizing what really matters to us. Only you can weigh the importance of leading a more peaceful, contented life.
I sought out daily exposure to mindfulness wisdom
In addition to daily reading, early in my exploration of mindfulness I also made use of the following three resources to provide a quick dose of daily wisdom:
- “Arriving at Your Own Door – 108 Lessons in Mindfulness“, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
- “The Power of Now – 50 Inspiration Cards“, by Eckhart Tolle
- “The Four Agreements – 48 Cards“, by Don Miguel Ruiz
I incorporated some quick and simple mindfulness practices into my daily routine
When I talk about a “mindfulness practice” I am referring to two distinct parts:
- A formal daily meditation practice.
- Informal mindfulness practice. These techniques, some of which are outlined below, are quick and easy, designed to be incorporated into one’s daily routine to help keep us mindful.
Informal Mindfulness Practices
Here are some quick and easy mindfulness practices you can use throughout your day or whenever you are feeling anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed:
- Download a mindful-moment reminder app to your cell phone. An example is one called “Mindful Me” that can be set to chime on a frequency of your choosing. Each time it chimes simply stop whatever you’re doing and take a short mindful break making use of one or more of the techniques outlined below.
- Take a 5-senses break. Stop whatever you’re doing and cycle through your senses – touch, taste, smell, hearing, and sight – and focus briefly but intently on each one in turn.
- Use your non-dominant hand. Unless you happen to be ambidextrous, briefly using your non-dominant hand to work on a physical task forces you out of auto-pilot and into the present moment because you suddenly have to focus intently on what you’re doing.
- Take a ponder break. Stop what you’re doing and, using one of the wisdom-quote tools referenced above (e.g. “The Power of Now – 50 Inspiration Cards“), take a moment to ponder the wisdom presented. Doing so will bring you into the present moment and help to incorporate the wisdom deep into your brain.
- Keep mindfulness reminders around such as a small Buddha figurine or a mindful computer screen-saver or background image – little things to periodically snap you out of your fog of thinking and back into the present moment.
- Periodically take a break and go into what I refer to as “photography mode”, looking for interesting photo opportunities. Rekindling the curiosity from your childhood in this manner takes you out of the confines of your tiny skull and into the wonders of the present moment. This is a wonderful exercise when you’re stuck in a slow-moving grocery line or in traffic.
- Practice S.T.O.P. : 1) Stop whatever you are doing. 2) Take a few slow, deep breaths. 3) Observe any troubling thoughts, feelings, and emotions, becoming consciously aware of them and naming them (“I’m feeling anger”, “I’m feeling frustration”, etc.). Naming a feeling has been found to diminish its ill effect. 4) Proceed to do yourself a kindness; go for a brief stroll, grab a healthy snack, etc. This helpful exercise is nicely summarized by Dr. Elisha Goldstein in an article she wrote for Mindful magazine.
- Before picking up the phone, answering an email, or leaving a return voice message, take two mindful breaths and reaffirm your intention to be mindful and to embody compassion, understanding, peace, kindness, patience, and love – all integral components of what it means to be mindful. Your interaction will assuredly be better for having done so.
- Let the first minute of every meeting be one of silence. Doing so helps calm participants’ minds, essential to accessing the creativity, emotional control, and impulse control resident in the frontal cortex of the brain.
- Take a gratitude break. Periodically pause whatever you’re doing and reflect on all the things you are grateful for in your life. This practice brings us back into the present moment and helps overcome our negativity bias.
- When doing a chore, focus your full attention on just doing the chore because doing so keeps you in the present moment and so helps alleviate frustration and impatience. This runs counter to our norm which is to begrudge having to do the chore and so try to rush our way through it. But not only does this not make the chore go any faster, it also renders it totally unpleasant because our attention is focused on its unpleasant nature. Better to simply accept that chores are a necessary part of life and just do them, minus the drama.
- Go for a mindful stroll. This is a form of walking meditation – you simply pay close attention to the physical sensations you feel in your feet as you walk. Doing so keeps you in the present moment and settles an over-active mind.
- Keep some of your favourite comics close at hand and, periodically, throughout your day, read a couple to yourself. My personal favourites are Herman (by Jim Unger), Dilbert (by Scott Adams), and The Far Side (by Gary Larson). Doing so brings you into the present moment and helps you to lighten up and stop taking things so seriously.
- Wear a distinctive band on your finger or wrist and each time you notice it, use it as a reminder to slow down and be mindful.
- Take a moment each day to practice a random act of kindness. Grand gestures are not required here, just simple acts that let others know you care. They need not even know that you are their secret patron. Doing so gets you out of your tiny little world of self and into the broader, joyous world of caring for each other.
- Do a quick body scan. Close your eyes and consciously turn your focus to each of the parts of your body in sequence, taking in the feeling of warmth or cool, tingling, the feel of your clothes against your skin, etc. This exercise, which takes only a minute or two, calms and focuses the mind and brings you back to the present moment.
- Practice mindful eating. Whenever you’re eating, focus all your attention on just eating, noting the appearance, aroma, taste, texture, and even the sound of what you are eating. Again, this practice keeps us in the present moment.
- Half a day a week, keep a tally of all the times you experience negative feelings and emotions. This practice not only keeps you in the present moment by forcing you to stay alert to your feelings, it is also excellent practice for noticing when your wisdom is going off-line, which is each time you experience negative feelings and emotions! These are your cue to pause, slow down your thinking, breathe, laugh at yourself, accept reality with equanimity, and proceed with wisdom.
- Take a smile break. Periodically throughout your day stop whatever it is you are doing, take a few slow, deep breaths, and just smile, physically or just in your mind. This practice brings you back into the present moment, improves your mood, and forces you to lighten up and stop taking yourself, and life in general, so darned seriously. The simple act of smiling, even if faked, has been found to release such beneficial hormones as dopamine (the ‘feel-good’ hormone), serotonin (calming), and endorphins (our body’s natural pain killer).
- Practice colour awareness. Choose a colour, any colour, and then for the next hour take note each time you encounter it as you go about your day. Doing so keeps you in the present moment and nurtures the habit of consciously noticing the world – to stop and smell the roses (or at least notice their colour)!
Some General Mindfulness Practices
In addition to the daily informal practices listed above, here are a handful of general practices that will also help you become, and remain, mindful!
- Slowwwwww dowwwwwwn!!! Doing so not only reduces stress but also helps you make better decisions. How? By calming the reactive part of your brain (the amygdala, the locus of our fight, flight, freeze stress mechanism) and putting you back in touch with the wise part of your brain (the pre-frontal cortex, responsible to emotional control, impulse control, and creativity).
- Get regular exercise. Not only will you feel better physically, but doing so has also been shown to improve mood, decrease anxiety and stress, and helps us sleep better.
- And speaking of sleep, get a good night’s sleep! Lack of sleep makes us irritable, anxious, emotionally reactive, easily frustrated, impulsive, prone to negative, repetitive thinking, and lacking in empathy.
- Seek out quiet solitude on a regular basis. Give your brain a much-needed rest. Turn off your cellphone, put away your earbuds, slip into your hiking boots, and head out for a peaceful stroll through a nearby forest (or wherever you can get away from the rush and noise of life).
- Set up a quiet room in your home dedicated to meditation or simply opportunities to be on your own, in peace and quiet, so you may close your eyes and decompress.
- Learn to say “no” to undesired requests of your time.
- Actively maintain simplicity in your life. If you don’t set boundaries on what’s important to you, life will set them for you, and it’s most unlikely you’re going to be happy with its choices.
- Practice being content with doing nothing at all. Turn an old saying on its head: “Don’t just do something, sit there.” In my own experience, this will not be easy, for we are a society of “doers”, anxious if we encounter even a brief moment without an activity to fill the void. Our cellphones have become little more than adult pacifiers. What on earth did people do before the advent of such devices!? Relax more, perhaps? 🙂
“Patience, Young Grasshopper”
Lastly, your journey on the path to mindfulness will be aided by nurturing these qualities: patience, non-judgment, and perseverance.
Patience & Non-Judgment
Am I always mindful? Of course not – I’m human!
So, as you practice mindfulness, be patient and gentle with yourself when you periodically fall short of your best intentions. Just acknowledge each stumble and then continue with your journey on the path of mindfulness.
Perseverance
As with acquiring any new skill, some stick-to-it-ness is essential.
“It’s not hard to be mindful, it just takes training to remember to be mindful.”
Joseph Goldstein, “Mindfulness – A Practical Guide to Awakening“
Should you need incentive from time to time, just keep in mind the reward for your practice: a happier, more peaceful, better-lived life.
How many undertakings can promise that? Not many.
“When Cognitively-Based Compassion Training (CBCT – based on mindfulness) was taught to abused teenagers in the Atlanta foster care system, simply being exposed to the class didn’t have a significant effect. But the more the kids practised, the bigger the reduction in stress hormones and inflammation.”
Jo Marchant, author of “Cure – A Journey into the Science of Mind Over Body“
Warmest wishes,
Rob @ Living a Mindful Life