Thinking Our Way to Peace, Contentment, & Happiness

“You are one thought away from happiness, one thought away from sadness. The secret lies in thought.”

Sydney Banks, “The Missing Link

Picture yourself in this situation:  You and your spouse are driving home from a social function.  An embarrassing incident had occurred and the two of you are engaged in an epic argument over it. 

Suddenly, as you enter an intersection, a driver running a red light slams into the passenger side of your car.

Do you keep on arguing?

Of course not.  With tremendous concern you immediately check on each other’s physical welfare.

So, what happened to your argument, the one that seemed so important just seconds before? 

What happened to it is this: You both simply experienced a change of thought

From being furious with each other one moment to showing deep, loving concern the next, all due to nothing more than switching the TV channel of your mind.

But here’s the thing, it doesn’t take an accident to experience a change of thought; we have the ability to dismiss any thought at will.  This is why happiness is always a choice; our choice.

“People are capable of dismissing any emotions, to the extent that they realize that emotions are thoughts.”

Dr. George Pransky, “The Renaissance of Psychology

“Once we realize that thoughts are empty, the mind will no longer have the power to deceive us.  But as long as we take our deluded thoughts as real, they will continue to torment us mercilessly.”

Joseph Goldstein, “Mindfulness – A Practical Guide to Awakening

The Link Between Thoughts, Feelings, and Perception

Put simply, our thoughts directly dictate how we feel and how we perceive the world.

Whenever we lose sight of this fact, three problems arise:

  1. We feel justified in feeling the way we do and so act on our negative feelings.  We end up spewing aggression into the world, directly harming ourselves and those unfortunate enough to be around us.
  2. We mistakenly attribute the cause of our feelings to be external factors – a spilled can of paint causes us to feel frustrated; an unkind comment causes us to feel angry; a long line at the grocery store causes us to feel agitated.  
  3. We make ourselves helpless victims of external circumstances.  In the mistaken belief that outside factors are causing our agitation, we set about trying to change the world (e.g. divorcing our spouse, quitting our job, distancing ourselves from friends and family, moving to a new home or city, yelling at our children, ….).  But because we have, at best, only tenuous control over people and situations, helpless victimhood becomes entrenched.  And even when we are able to effect change, we soon discover that new upsets simply take their place.  As a result, trying to change the world to our liking becomes a never-ending, futile quest.

“Negative emotions are simply insecure, habitual ways of reacting to life.”

Dr. George Pransky

Thinking Our Way to Peace, Contentment, and Happiness

“It’s our thinking, not our circumstances, that determines how we feel.  We forget, moment to moment, that we are in charge of our thinking.”

Richard Carlson, “You Can be Happy No Matter What

Healthy thoughts induce positive feelings and an easy-going view of life.  Even when life’s inevitable challenges arise, they feel manageable and not that big a deal.

Conversely, unhealthy thoughts induce negative feelings.  In such a state, the world suddenly appears harsh and life feels like a struggle.

But here’s the thing – the world hasn’t changed.  The only thing that’s changed is the quality of our thinking. 

In truth, whenever we’re feeling upset, it’s us who’s causing it.  Through our own dysfunctional thinking we’re making ourselves upset – and that’s all that’s going on

And yes, it really is this simple. 

Want to ditch the drama?  Want to be free from anger, fear, frustration, bitterness, regret, anxiety, tension, stress, agitation, jealousy, envy, hatred, ……. ? 

Of course, we all do.  And here’s the good news – all it takes is in-the-moment recognition that it’s just our own thinking, nothing more, that’s creating our negative feelings.  

“Thought is not reality.  However, our personal realities are molded via our thoughts.”

Sydney Banks 

“One of the most freeing insights of meditation practice is realizing that the only power thoughts have is the power we give them.”

Joseph Goldstein

Choosing Healthy Thinking

So, given that what we think about is always our choice, why would we ever choose to indulge negative thoughts when they just create negative feelings

Clearly we wouldn’t.  We do so only because:

  1. We may be completely ignorant of the link between thinking and feeling.
  2. Or we may be aware of the link but still mistakenly believe that some negative feelings are normal and warranted, just a part of life that has to be endured.
  3. Or we may be aware of the link but, through lack of practice, haven’t yet mastered the skill to simply dismiss negative thoughts.
  4. Or we may be aware of the link, practice thought dismissal regularly, but sometimes still get all caught up in our thoughts and end up behaving in an unskillful manner.  Hey, no one’s perfect, but at least we’re striving to be so!

With practice, at the onset of any negative feelings, something as simple as bringing to mind the words ‘faulty thinking‘ is all it takes to wake us up to the fact that our thinking is temporarily dysfunctional.  And, by definition, all negative thinking is dysfunctional

Why is this the case?  Because we always get to choose how to deal with an unpleasant situation.  We can either choose the path of calm wisdom and simply deal with the situation matter-of-factly or we can choose the path of needless, pointless drama.  Because drama adds nothing of benefit to any situation – indeed, only makes it worse – it necessarily follows that negative thinking is dysfunctional as otherwise why would any sane individual choose to worsen an already unpleasant situation?

So, once practiced in noticing the onset of negative feelings we’re then positioned to dismiss the underlying negative thoughts – just let them go.  Absent our attention, they’re soon replaced by healthier thoughts which provide us with clarity and perspective. 

“In a moment of understanding, a person actually sees the connection between his/her thought and his/her experienced reality, and having seen that connection, is able to change from within.”

Dr. George Pransky 

Seeing the Folly:  Using Our Feelings as Signals 

Just as positive physical feelings signal sound physical health, positive emotional feelings signal sound mental health.  In such a state, we can trust that we’re seeing the world with clarity and wisdom.

In a similar manner, just as negative physical feelings signal physical malfunction, negative emotional feelings signal mental malfunction; we are drifting into dysfunctional thinking and are being warned that we’re no longer seeing the world with either clarity or wisdom. 

Negative emotional feelings are simply our body’s warning not to head down that path, to instead pause and slow down our thinking so we may regain proper perspective.  

Regaining proper perspective is nothing more than recognizing, in real time, that it’s just us causing our own upset, and always is us.

“When we begin to see that our experience of past and future is just a thought in the moment, a huge burden is lifted from our lives.   We’re not lost in our mind-created worlds.”

Joseph Goldstein

So, Who Appointed You Emperor of the Dishwasher?  

Here’s a lighthearted example of what I’ve been talking about:  

Those who know me will not be at all surprised to learn that I’m a touch fastidious (okay, a lot fastidious!) when it comes to optimally organizing a dishwasher.  Plates go this way so that bowls can go that way and cutlery gets arranged for maximum exposure to the unit’s cleaning jets.  Just makes sense, right?  Totally logical and efficient.

Unfortunately, my dear wife doesn’t see the world of dishwasher-arranging quite the same way I do.  In fact, pretty much the opposite.  Plates, bowls, and cutlery are, to my way of thinking, totally helter-skelter.  At times I swear she loads the darned machine by simply opening its door and tossing soiled dishes into it from across the room!  

Needless to say, given my said fastidiousness, negative thoughts about my otherwise dear wife sometimes do cross my mind, followed, naturally, by negative feelings!  

It’s then that mindfulness practice saves me from myself:

  • My negative feelings serve as a warning that my thinking is momentarily faulty – “Don’t go down that road!” they tell me.
  • Aware that negative feelings are caused by my own negative thinking, I immediately see my folly: “She’s not the cause of my agitation, I am!”. 
  • Armed with this awareness, I stop mistaking my negative thinking for reality.
  • Having now returned to a better state of mind, healthier thoughts arise:  “It’s only plates in a dishwasher for goodness sake!”, “Who made you emperor of the dishwasher?!“, “That was a lovely meal she cooked up for us tonight.”, “I think I’ll put on my headphones and stream some classical music.”, “I wonder who won the big boxing match  last night?“, and so on and so forth! 

Needless to say, were I to instead indulge my negative thinking, see my wife as the cause of my agitation rather than recognize the true cause – my own thinking – the outcome would most definitely not be pretty.  I would be upset, she would be upset, and all for what – ‘proper’ dish arrangement in a dishwasher!!??

While this example obviously addresses a rather trivial situation (which, nonetheless, could easily escalate to being far from trivial!), the same steps apply regardless of a situation’s seriousness:

  1. Always be aware of negative feelings – these are your early-warning signal that your thinking is momentarily dysfunctional.
  2. Recall that negative feelings are caused by your own faulty thinking (and not the situation you find yourself in).
  3. Pause, breathe deeply and slowly, relax your muscles, slow your mind down, regain perspective, and then simply dismiss your negative thoughts – just let them go.  If need be,  repeat silently to yourself, ‘faulty thinking‘. 
  4. In the moment, remember that negative thoughts aren’t reality, they’re just thoughts, ones that you’ve made up all on your own.
  5. Turn your mind to healthier thoughts
The Three Principles

What I’ve been describing is part of a psychotherapy modality known as “The Three Principles” (3P), a school of thought I personally believe holds the key to materially reducing the psychological suffering so prevalent in today’s world – everything from minor agitation to genocidal hatred – all of it senseless, needless, and preventable. 

Unlike most therapies that categorize certain behaviours as “illnesses”, 3P instead posits that virtually everyone, no matter how outwardly troubled, possesses innate mental health temporarily obscured by the innocent misuse of thinking (i.e. failing to see the link between one’s thoughts and one’s feelings; incorrectly attributing negative feelings to external factors; and then acting in an unhealthy manner due to this incorrect attribution).

Based on my own personal experience, living the tenets of 3P, I encourage everyone reading this post, in the strongest possible terms, to do themselves an enormous favor by further exploring the concepts behind 3PI believe them to be life-changing.

Here, for such edification, are some eminently insightful books:

  1. The Renaissance of Psychology“, Dr. George Pransky
  2. The Enlightened Gardener“, Sydney Banks
  3. The Inside Out Revolution“, Michael Neill
  4. You Can be Happy No Matter What“, Richard Carlson
  5. Coming Home“, Dr. Dicken Bettinger & Natasha Swerdloff
  6. The Missing Link“, Sydney Banks
  7. Slowing Down to the Speed of Life“, Richard Carlson & Joseph Bailey
  8. The Wisdom Within“, Roger Mills & Elsie Spittle

Warmest regards,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Appendix 1:  Levels of Mental Health 

Dr. George Pransky, co-developer of 3P (which, in turn, is based on the teachings of Mr. Sydney Banks), posits five levels of increasing mental health, each higher level representing an increased awareness of the link between our thoughts, our feelings, and our experiential reality.

So, what’s your level on the mental health ladder?  

Level 1:  Chronic Deep Distress

Individuals at this level have zero thought awareness; every thought represents reality, no matter how delusional.  Schizophrenics fall into this category, unable to question the validity of any thought.  Unable to hold down a job or maintain personal relationships, such individuals are often placed under guardianship to protect them from their own frightening, self-created ‘reality’.

Level 2:  Chronic Distress 

While not suffering from psychotic delusions, such individuals nonetheless fail  to see any link between their thinking and their experienced reality.  To them, it is external circumstances, not their own thinking, that causes their agitation.  As a result, they feel victimized and waste much of their life trying to fix their many “problems”.  With such a distorted perception of life, work and personal relationships suffer. 

Level 3:  Chronic Stress

While possessing some thought recognition – for example, able to dismiss unpleasant thoughts in good times – they are easily agitated when things don’t go their way.  Further, such reactions are mistakenly considered both justified and perfectly normal – just the way life is.  Unfortunately, given the frequency with which life fails to follow our desired script, such individuals experience stress and emotional upset with some frequency and pointlessly waste time trying to mold external circumstances to their liking.

Level 4:  Well-Being

Understanding the link between the quality of thought and the quality of lived experience, such individuals are able to make suitable adjustments to their thinking whenever they feel distressed rather than uselessly trying to change the world around them.   Emotionally intelligent, they get along easily with others and function at a high level.

Level 5:  Profound Well-Being

Possessing a high degree of thought recognition, such individuals easily dismiss negative thoughts and so live free of stress.  Seeing their own views as subjective opinions rather than concrete reality renders them open-minded, humble, and easy-going.  People relax in their presence and they bring out the best in those around them.  In possession of a calm mind and ease of being, such individuals are able to readily access their innate intelligence and so tend to be highly creative.

N.B.   “Innate intelligence” refers to the intelligence that operates outside of our conscious awareness.  This is the type of intelligence that leads to those “ah ha!” moments of profound insight that seem to come out of nowhere (for insight into innate intelligence see, “Incognito:  The Secret Lives of the Brain“, by Dr. David Eagleman). 

3P posits that we can only access our innate intelligence when we are in what it refers to as “Free-Flow Thinking” mode, an effortless, almost non-thinking state accessible only when the mind is calm. 

Its opposite, referred to as “Process Thinking“, is the type of thinking we bring to bear on such things as school learning and problem solving.  Unlike Free-Flow Thinking, Process Thinking feels effortful and, when over-used, negatively impacts mental well-being.  Because Process Thinking relies on the manipulation of already-known information, it yields no profound insights.

Appendix 2:  Selected 3P Quotes

While I encourage you to read all of the books listed above, here are some selected quotes from them to ponder:

“When people are awakened to the nature of their psychological lives, they experience new, wiser thinking about the same life circumstances that previously seemed problematic.”   Dr. George Pransky

“Thoughts taken as thoughts will come and go uneventfully, while those taken as ‘reality’ will persist and become a way of life.  The distressed person will live in thoughts and feelings of overwhelm and dissatisfaction; the stressed person in feelings of tension.  What each level thinks is real will appear to be real and what appears to be thought will not take on a reality.”   Dr. George Pransky

“Rather than believing that we are seeing life realistically, we can learn to question our judgment when we’re feeling off.”   Richard Carlson

“Remember that your thoughts are just thoughts.  They cannot harm, frighten, or overwhelm you without your consent.”   Richard Carlson

“We don’t experience the world, we experience our thinking about the world.”   Michael Neill

“No matter how long people have suffered, they’re never more than one thought away from peace.”   Michael Neill

“You are free to pay attention to a thought or not.  You are free to act on a thought or not.”   Dicken Bettinger & Natasha Swordloff

“When you let go of judgmental thinking your spirits lift and you see life with more understanding and compassion.”  Dicken Bettinger & Natasha Swordloff

“Let your negative thoughts go.  They are nothing more than passing thoughts.  You are then on your way to finding the peace of mind you seek, having healthier feelings for yourself and for others.”   Sydney Banks

“Judging your own faults or the faults of others leads to unhappiness.  A mind that dwells in non-judgment is a contented mind.”    Sydney Banks

“Tread not into yesterday’s sorrows, for they are the pathways of despair.”    Sydney Banks

“We all live in separate realities.”    Sydney Banks

“When you understand the fact of separate realities, there is no logical reason to take personally what others say or do.”  Richard Carlson

“When we know that other people (and ourselves) innocently interpret our beliefs as if they were reality, we can let go of the need to be right.”   Richard Carlson

“Had our past been different, our ideas about life would be different.  Other people’s beliefs are also a result of their past experiences.  Had things been different, a totally different set of  beliefs would have surfaced.”    Richard Carlson 

“When people become aware of these Principles (3P) in action in their day to day lives, they find a new frame of reference, one composed of deeper wisdom, better judgment, and more happiness.”    Roger Mills & Elsie Spittle

Warmest regards,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nurturing Optimal Mental Health

Finding Abiding Peace in Under 20 Minutes a Day

Mindfulness practice has the power to transform our lives, helping us to:

  1. Deal with life’s challenges with greater wisdom.
  2. Be kinder, gentler, more compassionate human beings.
  3. Maintain a healthier perspective on life.
  4. Nurture a life of peace, happiness, and contentment irrespective of external circumstances. 

The question is, how do we bring these about? 

Mind Training

Fortunately, there are simple meditation practices specifically designed to train the mind in a manner that naturally fosters optimal mental health.

Intended as a short daily practice, they consist of these components:

  1. Calming the mind.
  2. Quiet reflection on key mindfulness teachings.
  3. Affirmation and visualization of the traits we wish to nurture.

In my own case, I devote between fifteen to twenty minutes each morning to a particular mindfulness routine that incorporates all three of these techniques.  

What I especially like about this practice is that, despite its simplicity and brevity, it is impressively comprehensive, providing  daily exposure to many of the core teachings of mindfulness.

Indeed, it is exactly this repetitive exposure that lies at the heart of its magic. Through the science of neuroplasticity, consistent practice beneficially alters the neuronal structure of your brain. Over time, the wisdom of mindfulness steadily becomes integrated fully into who you are.

In short, for anyone wishing to foster a more peaceful life and to nurture optimal mental health, I can think of no better mindfulness practice to help bring these about. 

An Important Caveat

One important word of guidance however.  As with the learning of any new skill, persistence and patience are essential.  Count on dedicated practice for at least a couple months to even begin to notice a difference.

So, please don’t give up just because you feel you’re not making progressYou are

But it won’t happen overnight.  The changes will prove subtle, virtually unnoticeable from day to day. 

Until, that is, you suddenly catch yourself feeling happy for no reason, or responding to an unpleasant situation with a wisdom you hadn’t realized you possessed, or finding joy in little things that previously would have escaped your notice. 

In other words, when the reality of a better you, a mentally-healthier you, suddenly becomes too obvious to overlook.   

And it will happen – but only through persistent daily practice.

“Lasting well-being arises from cultivating positive emotions and wisdom.”

“It requires sustained effort in training the mind and developing a set of human qualities such as inner peace, mindfulness, and altruistic love.”

“Such effort is eminently desirable.  We need to get rid of mental toxins and at the same time to cultivate states of mind that contribute to emotional balance and ensure the optimal flourishing of a truly healthy mind.”

Matthieu Ricard, Buddhist monk and author of “Happiness – A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill

The Practice:  ‘CAGPACSS’  

The mnemonic ‘CAGPACSS’ helps us to remember the practice’s eight components: 

  • Calm concentration
  • Awareness
  • Gratitude
  • Patience
  • Acceptance
  • Compassion
  • Slow
  • Smile

The practice itself is completely straightforward:  simply contemplate each component in turn, bringing to mind the core teachings relating to each one.  

Of course, this obviously necessitates some familiarity with these teachings!

Not to worry!  To assist you in this regard, I present below some of the most pertinent teachings (along with numerous links to access expanded discussions). 

For beginners reading this post I do appreciate that the CAGPACSS practice may seem a touch overwhelming.  However, please don’t be put off from giving it a try – much potential happiness and personal growth hangs in the balance.

In addition, if my personal experience is any guide, as familiarity with the teachings grows, what you actually mentally ponder shrinks materially. Indeed, in some instances I’ve found that mentally contemplating just one word proves sufficient to acknowledge the truth of an entire body of wisdom.

So, now somewhat undaunted, let’s begin!   🙂

Calm Concentration

This is simply a quick body scan meditation to settle the mind and bring us into the present moment.  I typically devote about three to four minutes to this opening practice. 

Here are the basic opening steps:  1) Assume any standard meditation posture.  2) Take three deep, slow breaths (in to the count of four, hold for seven, out for eight, pause for four, repeat).  3) Mentally smile.  4) Start to breathe normally. 

Next, turn your attention to the toes of your right foot, noting any and all sensations.  Then move on to your right ankle, right shin, etc. until you have worked your way around your entire body. 

As each is brought into awareness, consciously soften and relax those muscles.  If it helps, pretend you are actually breathing through each body part.

The purpose here is to still the mind, relax the body, strengthen your ability to focus, and render you more receptive to the subsequent steps.

Awareness

Along with Concentration, Acceptance, and Love, Awareness forms one of the four key components of mindfulness.   Once internalized, these provide a solid foundation for abiding peace.

The practice here is simply to briefly reflect on each of these teachings:

  1. Suffering Pain is an inescapable part of life (loved ones die, relationships end, health and vigor deteriorate, etc.).  Suffering, however,  is optional and arises when we resist this fact.  We suffer when we cling obsessively to the things we like or try to push away the things we don’t like.  When we experience pain it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong, it just means we’re alive.  Don’t resist pain and find psychological freedom.
  2. Impermanence.  Everything comes to an end.  Resist this truth and needless suffering follows.  Accept this truth and peace of mind reigns.
  3. Intentions.  Here, silently bring to mind those character traits you aspire to embody. Visualize yourself acting in such a manner.  I use the phrasing, “May I be ….” (e.g.  May I be kind).  Some of the ideals I personally aspire to include the following:  being generous, ethical, patient, kind, gentle, considerate, respectful, compassionate, understanding, mindful, caring, thoughtful, and selfless.
  4. Interdependence and Interconnection.  Our egos tell us we are separate and apart. Reality tells us differently. In truth, we are all related, we all came from stardust, we all want the same things (to be happy and safe), and we’re all dependent on one another.
  5. Perspective.  Mentally fussing over moments we find disagreeable is confirmation of a loss of perspective and a lack of humility. The hard truth is that we are but insignificant flotsam in a vast unfolding universe. Only our comically-outsized egos lead us to believe otherwise.
  6. Human behaviour.  Our evolutionary inheritance inclines us to be self-centered, selfish, judgemental, nepotistic, and discontent. Expect differently from others and you will suffer. Understand and accept the biological basis behind our nature and be free.
  7. Thoughts, feelings, emotions.  1) Most thoughts pop into our head without conscious involvement.  Someone does something we don’t like and, without any volition on our part, our protective stress system kicks in and angry thoughts arise.  But we are not our thoughts – we don’t have to take them seriously.  We can distance ourselves from our thoughts, just be observers of our thoughts, and then choose how to respond (or, indeed, even whether to respond).  2) Feelings and emotions are simply evolution’s way of nudging us to maximize gene propagation, not to maximize our happiness.  Being aware of this, we realize we don’t have to take feelings and emotions seriously.  Just as with thoughts, we get to choose what to do about them, if anything.  If not latched on to, they soon dissipate.  3) Negative feelings are the result of negative thoughts.  Change the thoughts and our feelings change for the better – it’s that simple, and it’s always our choice.  4) External factors don’t cause us to feel a certain way.  It’s our thinking about those factors that do.  Change our thinking and our perspective changes, for the better.     
  8. Bodily sensations.  Tightness in our body is a signal that our stress system is switching on and our wisdom is switching off.  We use awareness of such tightness to pause, take slow, deep breaths, calm ourselves, smile, regain perspective, and then, and only then, proceed in a wise manner.  In so doing, our next action becomes our choice rather than our unthinking reaction. 
  9. Present moment.  Being fully aware of each present moment is to be mindful, to take notice, to pay attention.  Residing always in the ‘now’, not the past or future, is one of the keys to achieving enduring happiness and a peaceful life.

    In addition, being mindful of the present moment means living in “bare awareness”; living in lightness of being through conscious contact with our five senses minus any judgmental commentary.  In other words, we acknowledge that sound is just sound, scent is just scent, sight is just sight, touch is just touch, and taste is just taste.  They only cause upset when we add negative commentary.    

“This very simple process of noticing puts you in the present and makes you sensitive to context and perspective. It’s the essence of engagement. Noticing turns out to be literally and figuratively enlivening.”

Dr. Ellen Langer, Professor of psychology, Harvard University and author of “Mindfulness 

Gratitude

Here the practice is simply to reflect on some of the things you are grateful for.

Why this is important is that evolution has inclined us to be a “glass-half-empty” bunch, wasting much psychic energy fussing over the few bad things in our lives when, in reality, these are but insignificant trifles relative to all we have to be grateful for.

Should you have difficulty bringing some to mind try these helpful prompts: 

  • what never fails to bring a smile to your face?
  • what makes your life easier?
  • what brings you joy?
  • what gifts do you bring to the world?

We need not search for the profound here.  Indeed, it’s often the simplest of things that prove to be some of our greatest sources of gratitude.  By way of example, some of mine include such seemingly unremarkable things as passing clouds, the scent of a forest, the activity of birds around our feeders, and the sound of leaves in a breeze.  All make my life better and would be deeply missed if absent.  

Patience

Here I bring to mind this important reminder: 

Let the world unfold in its own time.  Don’t struggle against it as this leads only to sorrow.

I also reflect on the types of people with whom I often feel impatient.  For me these include the incurious, the illogical, the irrational, the unthinking, the dogmatic, the impatient, and the aggressive. 

The point of reflecting on such people is to heighten our sensitivity to them so that, in their presence, we may remain doubly patient and compassionate.  

Acceptance

Here I bring to mind these simple words of wisdom:

Whatever life presents, just deal with it.  Forego any drama as this leads only to suffering.

There are no ‘problems’, simply situations to be dealt with.

The essence of this teaching is that, whatever life brings our way, it’s all just part of life – the good and the bad – so just accept it all and deal with it, calmly and in a matter-of-fact manner.  

“To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness.  This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad.”

Eckhart Tolle, author of “The Power of Now

It is acceptance that lies behind such pithy sayings as, “Let it go” and “Let it be”.  Simple, yet they carry much wise counsel.

Compassion

The teaching here is to extend compassion to everyone, without exception, under all circumstances, in every situation, full stop. 

Why?  Because an individual’s behaviour at any given moment is the best they can muster.  To believe otherwise, to believe they ‘ought to have known better’, is to ignore basic human biology. 

What creates a behaviour?  A particular set of neurons fire to create an action (we don’t control these).  Those neurons were kicked into action by particular hormones (we don’t control these).  Those hormones were released in response to particular stimuli (we don’t control these).  Those stimuli were ……     

And so on, and so on all the way back to evolutionary impacts on human behaviour from millenia ago (and we don’t control these either). 

What this describes is an inevitable chain of events that, once set into motion, cannot be altered.  And we have no direct control over any of the stages of this cascade of prior causes

In fact, it is only with the benefit of hindsight that better behaviour appears to have been a choice.  But in real time, it was simply an impossibility. 

Of course, daily practices such as CAGPACSS can improve the odds of better behaviour by altering our brain structure.  Indeed, we commit to such practices specifically to become better citizens of the world, ones who contribute to its peace rather than add to its aggression.  In so doing, we also contribute to our own optimal mental health.

The moral of the story then is this:

At any given moment, we’re all just doing the best we can

As a result, it necessarily follows that extending compassion to everyone, regardless of circumstance, is always the wisest response.

“When we consider an individual in the clutches of hatred, anger, and aggression, we should consider him more as a sick patient than as an enemy; someone who should be healed, not punished.”

Matthieu Ricard 

To help nurture compassion I mentally repeat these words (taken from a ‘Loving Kindness’ meditation), placing inclusive emphasis on the word “all”:

May all be happy and content

May all be healthy in mind, body, and spirit

May all be safe from mental and physical harm

May all have ease of being.

Slow

Here  we commit to slowing down every aspect of our lives. 

For this part of the practice I picture myself talking slower, walking slower, washing slower, golfing slower, eating slower, driving slower, thinking slower,….    

In my own personal experience, the act of slowing down has not only improved my golf game  🙂 , it is also materially responsible for the sense of peace and calm that now permeate my day.   

Through this practice I have also become more sensitized to the tightness associated with rushing and use it as my signal to ease up and slow myself down. 

Smile

Here the practice is simply to bring a half smile to your face, an act that immediately banishes seriousness and self importance.

In my practice I often envision the semi-historical Chinese monk, Budai, he of fat belly and broad grin featured at the top of this post, and then mentally smile to myself.  Doing so immediately softens my mood, puts life into perspective, and compels me to take life much less seriously.  

Smiling is wonderful for us, even if forced, because it releases the feel-good biochemicals dopamine (pleasure), serotonin (calming), and endorphins (pain relief).  As an added bonus, smiling is also contagious, and so benefits those around us as well.

Nurturing Optimal Mental Health

In the absence of mind-training practices like CAGPACSS we tend to life life on evolutionary auto-pilot:  habitual, unthinking, mindless, and harshly reactive. 

Living in this manner, although sadly the norm, is in fact the antithesis of sound mental health and an impediment to finding inner peace.  

Fortunately, reflective practices like CAGPACSS provide an easily-accessible path to optimal mental health and help foster the peaceful lives we all seek; lives imbued with an ease of being independent of external circumstances.  

In other words, true peace.

Warmest regards,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

P.S.  To access a handy two-page summary of the CAGPACSS meditation suitable for printing, click on this link.

 

 

 

COVID-19 Anxiety Relief Toolkit

With breathtaking speed our world has been turned upside-down by the COVID-19 pandemic.  We are bombarded by an unremitting stream of bad news.  Uncertainty, fear, anxiety, sadness, and stress abound. 

But we can’t let this get the best of us because, if left unchecked, fear undergoes its own contagion, spreading faster than the virus itself.  Collective stress ramps up and awful implications follow:

Mindfulness Toolkit for Calm

Here’s how we’re going to get through this together:  each of us is going to take personal responsibility for our own psychological health.  Our combined calming presence will in turn have a calming effect on those around us.  Together, we can initiate a ripple of calm throughout society.

“I like to use the example of a small boat crossing the Gulf of Siam. In Vietnam there are many people, called boat people, who leave the country in small boats. Often the boats are caught in rough seas or storms, the people may panic, and boats may sink.

But if even one person aboard can remain calm, lucid, knowing what to do and what not to do, he or she can help the boat survive. His or her expression – face, voice – communicates clarity and calmness, and people have trust in that person. They will listen to what he or she says.

One such person can save the lives of many.  You are that person.”

Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist monk

The practice of mindfulness is more than up to this challenge.  Numerous studies attest to its efficacy to reduce stress and anxiety (as well as providing numerous other health benefits).

Below I provide a compendium of pertinent mindfulness practices and miscellaneous insights designed to help nurture sound mental health.  My guidance is to make use of these whenever you feel yourself becoming anxious or stressed:

Deep Breathing

Slow, conscious, deep breathing activates our calming parasympathetic nervous system, thus helping to shut down our stress reaction.

    • Sit comfortably, gently close your eyes, breathe in slowly to the count of four, hold for seven, breathe out to the count of eight.  Repeat at least three times.  You may also wish to silently repeat the words “calm” on the in-breath and “peace” on the out-breath.

Smile

Smiling, even if forced, has a calming effect and helps to counter the over-seriousness we feel when stressed.  It is known to promote the release of such helpful hormones as serotonin (calming), dopamine (positive feelings), and endorphins (natural pain killers). 

    • In my practice I sit comfortably, close my eyes, relax my body, and then bring to mind the semi-historic Chinese monk, Budai, colloquially known as the “laughing buddha”.  He never fails to bring a smile to my face.  You can, of course, use your own cue for smiling, like a dear friend or a family pet.

Body Softening Scan

Because mind and body are interconnected, consciously relaxing your muscles automatically relaxes your mind, choking off the stress response.

    • Sit comfortably, close your eyes, breathe naturally, and begin to turn your focus of attention to each part of your body in turn.  I usually start from the toes of my right foot moving on to my sole, upper foot, ankle, etc., over to the toes of my other foot and on upward to the top of my head. 
    • As you focus on each body part in turn, consciously soften the muscles there, perhaps bringing the image of melting wax to mind.
    • As a tool to aid focus, try imagining that you are physically breathing into and out of each body part that you bring into focus.

Nature Walk

If physically able, take a slow-paced stroll through a forest or other natural area and really pay attention to the sights, sounds, scents, and feel.

    • Focusing intently on our senses brings us into the present moment.  Doing so has been found to make us feel happier and more at peace.  Confining our attention to the present moment calms an otherwise anxious mind that is all too often fretting over an unchangeable past or fearing an unknowable future.

Gratitude

For evolutionary reasons designed to keep us alert to potential danger, it is built into us to focus more on the few bad things in our life rather than the many-times-more-abundant good things.  Needless to say, such an orientation drags us down and amplifies our stress.

    • Take a moment to bring to mind all the many things for which you are grateful, that bring you joy, and for which you are deeply appreciative.  These can be as simple as the sound of birds outside your kitchen window or as profoundly comforting as a deeply-rewarding friendship. 

Miscellaneous Mindful Moments

Make a point of inserting some of the practices outlined below into your daily routine or whenever you feel stress and anxiety coming on.  They help activate your calming system, shut down your stress reaction, and bring you into the present moment, thus eliminating thoughts of the past and future that tend to create mental upset.

If you wish to regiment these throughout your day, consider downloading a timing app such as the one I use, “Mindful Me”, that provides regular reminders to take a mental break: 

  1. Pause, Breathe, Smile (PBS) – stop what you’re doing, close your eyes if feasible, take a few deep conscious breaths, and smile.  As with deep breathing mentioned above, you may wish to mentally repeat the words “calm” on the in-breath and “peace” on the out-breath. 
  2. Seeing Red – for a set period of time, say the next hour, make a point of spotting things around you that are red (or any colour of choice).  Doing so forces you into the present moment.
  3. 5-senses break – stop what you’re doing and tune into your five senses in sequence, noting each with heightened curiosity.  Doing so creates presence.
  4. Practice S.T.O.P. – 1) Stop whatever you’re doing.  2) Take a few slow, deep breaths.  3) Observe your thoughts, feelings, and emotions but without identifying with them.  Simply observe them in the same manner you observe inputs from your other senses.   4) Proceed with a kindness to yourself – a gentle stroll, healthy snack, or casual conversation with a friend.
  5. Find your feet – stop what you’re doing and focus full attention on the sensations in your feet.  This practice shuts down anxious thinking and brings you back into the present moment.  Why the feet?  Because stress makes itself felt in places like our belly, chest, shoulders, and face but not our feet, so focusing there moves us away from stress.
  6. What will my next thought be? – this practice is from spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle.  Close your eyes and focus intently on what your next thought will be.  Be like a cat crouched and alert just outside a mouse hole.  If my experience is any guide, you may  have to wait a while!
  7. Random noticing – close your eyes, turn your head in a random direction, re-open your eyes, and then intensely study whatever comes into view.  Be like a scientist encountering a strange new phenomenon.  Note absolutely everything about the scene engaging all your senses to take in colours, textures, feel, scents, sounds, shapes, light, dark, shadows ….
  8. Mindful accessory – wear a colourful band on your finger or wrist and each time you notice it, practice PBS – pause, breathe, and smile!
  9. Recovery Period – after finishing a task, don’t immediately plunge into the next.  Instead, take a mini break and do something kind for yourself.
  10. Task focus – whatever you’re doing, just focus intently on the process of doing it, not on the end result.  Doing so keeps you in the present moment.

Limit News Intake

Like the guidance I used to provide my clients urging them not to pay attention to the stock market, it is equally prudent to limit your intake of COVID-19 news. 

Immersing yourself unduly in the tragedy serves only to make the challenge of stress management all the more difficult – akin to purposely exposing yourself to a virus over and over and over again.

Managing Troubling Thoughts

Anxious thoughts often get stuck in our minds, lowering our mood and triggering our stress response.  Here are a couple ideas that may help:

    1. In your mind’s eye, picture your thoughts inside a soap bubble that is floating in the air around eye level.  Watch it rise slowly upward and upward and then ‘pop’ – gone.  Then turn your mind and focus on to something else.
    2. In your mind, speak directly to your thought – “Hello fear, hello anxiety – I see you“.   Bringing troubling thoughts into conscious awareness often has the effect of diminishing their stress-inducing impact.

Meditations on Compassion

When we’re troubled it often helps to reverse roles.  Rather than be the sufferer, you turn yourself into the healer, extending good wishes out to all those suffering, just like you.

  1. Tonglen meditation – On each in-breath, imagine you are breathing in the pain of others – all of it.  On the out-breath, imagine you are sending them (and yourself) ease of being and relief from suffering.  Imagine a feeling of lightness, brightness, and cool accompanying each out-breath.  Breathe in suffering, breathe out relief and good wishes.
  2. Loving-Kindness meditation – in a variation on this type of meditation we voice the following phrases in our mind several times, sending out good wishes to all those who may be suffering:
      • May all be happy and content
      • May all be healthy in mind, body, and spirit
      • May all be safe from mental and physical harm
      • May all have ease of being

Selected Teachings of the Buddha

The Buddha taught his followers to face reality head-on and not to look away in fear.  He also encouraged them to confirm the truth of his teachings for themselves and not to take his or any one else’s word for it.  Some 2600 years later, his guidance remains pertinent, especially in these difficult times: 

    • Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.  We experience suffering when we make a fuss over life’s inevitable troubles.  Resistance is futile in the face of something that already is.  The alternative?  Calm acceptance: whatever troubles come your way, just see them as part of life and deal with them matter-of-factly.
    • Impermanence – everything in the entire universe is in constant flux, nothing is unchanging.  Good times come to an end, but so do bad times.
    • Realistic Options – when faced with troubles we have three sane options:  1) Change the situation if possible.   2) Remove ourselves from the situation if possible.   3) If neither change nor removal is possible, the only sane response remaining is acceptance – to face reality with equanimity and deal with it with wisdom rather than unintelligent and futile resistance.
    • Our thoughts make our world –  “We are what we think.  All that we are arises with our thoughts.  With our thoughts we make the world.” – Buddha.  In other words, change the channel on your thoughts if you wish to change the program from tragedy to comedy – it’s always your choice.

Maintaining Perspective

In the midst of a crisis it is all too easy to lose perspective and become overwhelmed by the unremitting bad news.  Seeking out alternative story lines can help balance the scale, raise your mood, and give cause for hope. 

In this regard, here are some positive thoughts to ponder related to COVID-19:

    • A recent article in the Economist magazine reports that there are seven existing drugs thought to hold promise in treating the symptoms of COVID-19.  One, Actemra, is already being put to use in China.
    • Clinical trials on potential COVID-19 vaccines are reported to already be underway in China and the United States.
    • The world’s best and brightest are toiling away 24/7 to bring this virus under control.
    • The virus cannot survive simple soap and water, giving us all some degree of control over infection through rigorous personal hygiene.
    • Ultimately, if despite social distancing, not touching your face, and frequent hand washing you are still unlucky enough to contract the virus, then you can take a measure of solace from the fact that, according to the World Health Organization, roughly 8 out of 10 people will experience only mild symptoms.  Of course, the elderly and those with certain existing health conditions need to take extra precautions, but for the majority of people this virus does not pose an existential health threat.
    • On the economic front, governments around the world are turning on the money taps and implementing corporate and personal financial support programs to soften the blow to the global economy.
    • On the human front, heartwarming stories of compassion are increasingly on display.  People are reaching out to their elderly neighbors with offers to buy essentials for them.  Those in self-imposed quarantine are being tended to by friends and family.  Stay-at-home moms and dads are helping their working neighbors with offers of free childcare.  We are pulling together to get through this.
    • I firmly believe there will be a silver lining to this tragedy and can envision the following:
      • Pandemic preparedness and global cooperation will be better going forward.
      • Commercial supply chains will be designed with greater flexibility and resilience in mind.
      • World leaders who manage this crisis poorly will be turfed in favor of more competent individuals.
      • Stronger social programs will be put in place (such as paid sick leave and universal health care in the United States).
      • This crisis will bring people together and help them appreciate our shared destiny, interdependence, and interconnection.
Tend to Your Well Being

As U.S. President, Franklin D. Roosevelt, said in his stirring inaugural address delivered at the peak of the Great Depression in 1933, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself“.  I agree with him wholeheartedly.

But to be of help to others during these difficult times we first need to look after ourselves, mentally and physically.  I hope this guide goes some way to providing you with the tools for tending to your own mental well-being.

Keep safe everyone, look after yourselves, and spread your calm presence widely.

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life 

Mindful Grieving

 

“One foot in front of the other, over and over again

Until a new normal dawns

And a future you’d not expected

gradually reveals itself.”

Anonymous

Mindful Grieving

I write these opening words while listening to our Lucy’s labored breathing and episodic coughing (she the non-tail-biting one pictured above, the other being our little Molly), this caused by fluid build-up around her 14-year-old heart. 

This morning I had to carry her out to her regular pooping spot on the  vacant lot across the street as she just couldn’t summon the strength to get there on her own.  How quickly she has deteriorated!

Where she used to feel solid in my arms, muscles well-formed and taut from regular exercise, today they felt like a soft sponge, giving way to my supporting arms with no resistance whatsoever. 

For the moment she appears to be comfortable enough as she lies on her bed beside me, but stares aimlessly ahead.  Every now and then she glances up at me with those old deep-brown eyes of hers, eyes that seem to hold the question – what’s happening to me dad?

What’s happening is that Lucy, our sometimes-infuriating, ever the intellectually-challenged, but oh-so-lovable Westhighland terrier is dying – and I miss her already.

Applied Mindfulness 

How do we deal with such pain?  How do we deal with the loss of those who have brought so much joy into our lives?

Fortunately, mindfulness has some answers:

  • Meditation for calming a troubled mind.
  • Meditation for reflecting on the nature of impermanence.
  • Meditation for overcoming isolation.
  • Gratitude practice to maintain perspective.
  • Mindfulness teachings on the nature of thought.
Shamatha Meditation – Calming the Mind

As discussed here, there are two main types of meditation – shamatha for building concentration (typically through sustained focus on the breath) and vipassana for gaining clearer insight into the human condition.

Mindfulness teaches that a wandering mind is an anxious mind. Shamatha meditation helps us overcome this by strengthening our ability to focus attention on the present moment. 

This is particularly relevant to the process of grieving when our mind tends to dwell on the past and fret about an unknowable, uncertain future.  

Vipassana Meditation – Reflecting on Impermanence

The Buddha taught that all living things experience pain, that pain is simply a part of life and so cannot be escaped. 

Impermanence is one form of pain, this being the truism that everything in the universe – absolutely everything – is in constant flux and that nothing lasts forever.

We know this intellectually of course, yet still rail against the unfairness and cruelty of its implications – that loved ones die. 

Vipassana meditation provides an avenue to reflect on the truth of impermanence and, thereby, come to terms with its implications.  

In short, looking the inevitability of death straight in the eye rather than averting our gaze provides a measure of calm acceptance and comforting solace.

Tonglen Meditation – Overcoming Isolation 

Tonglen practice turns on its head our habit of turning inward at times of grief, times when we tend to dwell almost exclusively  on our own personal loss and sorrow. 

Instead, Tonglen teaches us to reflect on the fact that millions of others, right now, just like us, are also suffering the loss of a loved one – a spouse, a child, a friend, a parent, a beloved pet … 

And, upon such reflection, Tonglen advises us to breathe in this collective pain, shouldering it fully in our mind’s eye, and then to breathe out to this community, connected by mutual grief, all the compassion and desire for relief from suffering that we can muster.  

Is Tonglen practice actually going to provide relief to the multitude?  Probably not.  But it does elicit an expansion of our otherwise circumscribed, isolated, and lonely perspective on life after a loss. 

By reminding us of our shared humanity, by teaching us to open up to loss rather than shut down, Tonglen practice helps soften the edges of our hurt.

Gratitude 

Grief can cause us to lose perspective, scattering our attention over all manner of concerns.  Soon life seems a struggle with overwhelming challenges seemingly everywhere.

Gratitude practice, reflecting on all we still have to be thankful for, serves as a useful counterweight to such unhelpful thinking. 

Grieving Positively – Remembering the Nature of Thought

We know we’re grieving positively when positive feelings arise whenever we bring our loved ones to mind, feelings such as gratitude for having had the privilege of knowing them intimately, or joy in remembering the wonderful times spent together. 

On the other hand, we know we’re grieving negatively when negative feelings arise – wishing pointlessly that they were still around or fearing a future without their support, counsel, and companionship.

Now I fully appreciate that for many this guidance will sound totally wrongheaded, cold even.  In our society it’s the norm to dwell in deep sadness for a considerable length of time after a loved one’s death. But the existence of a norm doesn’t mean it’s beneficial or the best option available.  

In fact, the existence of our current normal for intense, prolonged sadness should be no more surprising than observing that it’s normal for a beginning tennis player to hit the ball into the net most of the time. 

What’s lacking in both instances?  Practice.

In the absence of mind training (via regular exposure to mindfulness teachings and daily meditation) there’s a near zero chance of rising above our evolutionary programming, and that programming clearly dictates prolonged, intense sadness. 

But why?  One theory is that at the dawn of our arrival as a species tens of thousands of years ago, such intense sadness was a potentially life-saving signal to the tribe that you need help.  But why should this still apply to us today?  

In the final analysis we need to remember that emotions are driven by our thoughts and that thoughts arise inside us; they’re not forced upon us by outside circumstances.

As a result, we always get to choose whether to remember our loved ones with a peaceful, joyful mind or an anxious, depressed mind. 

But this assumes regular mindfulness practice in order to even have this choice.  In the absence of such practice, it is difficult to see how one could expect anything other than our usual evolutionary default – prolonged emotional distress.

It’s Okay to be Happy While Grieving

Perhaps it’s a cultural thing; after all, the Irish do seem to handle death better than most with their celebratory wakes.  

But for the rest of us, does there not seem to be some measure of guilt, an inappropriateness even, to expressing joy while simultaneously grieving the loss of a loved one?

But what exactly is the point of putting on a sad face just to play a cultural role?  Absolutely nothing to my way of thinking.

Being open to moments of happiness and joy in the midst of grieving helps soften the blow of loss, keeping us in the present moment and reminding us that the good, the bad, and the indifferent are all just part of life.

And in the final analysis, life after loss keeps rolling on, just along a different path.

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Epilogue – Goodbye to Our Lucy

After a long, unsettled night overhearing poor Lucy’s labored breathing, Lynda and I made the difficult but compassionate decision to relieve her of her distress and discomfort.

While rubbing her furry little ears one last time, our Lucy was put to rest at 10:40am on the morning of Saturday, September 21st, 2019.  

 

 

How to See

What, is this a joke?!  What sort of silly topic is this, “How to See”?!!

You want to see something?  No problem – just open your eyes and, voila: seeing!

Well, no actually, that’s not seeing – that’s just looking.

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”

Confucius, Chinese philosopher, 551-479 BC

Looking, Seeing – What’s the Difference?

Looking is merely a mechanical process:

  1. Light is reflected off an object. 
  2. That reflected light enters your eye.
  3. The lens in your eye focuses the light on to your retina.
  4. Your retina converts the light to an electrochemical signal.  
  5. Neurons carry that signal to your brain.
  6. Your brain translates the signal into a 3D image; a depiction of what’s “out there”.

However, there are two additional steps missing from this chain of events to turn looking into seeing:

  1. Conscious awareness.
  2. Focus of attention.

Conscious Awareness

The first thing that makes looking different from seeing is conscious awareness of the brain’s depiction of what’s “out there”.

For example, let’s say you’re hiking along a quiet wooded trail with your young daughter.  She’s enraptured by the many butterflies, chipmunks, squirrels, woodpeckers, blue jays, and other assorted critters along the route. 

In stark contrast, you notice none of these wonders, your attention instead fixated on a difficult issue you face at work.   Even though you’re looking at the same scene as your daughter you see virtually none of it.  With your mind elsewhere, it simply doesn’t register in your conscious awareness. 

In this manner, whenever we lack presence, we don’t actually see or appreciate our immediate surroundings.  The many small joys of life completely pass us by.

Focus of Attention

To simplify communication we developed the useful practice of assigning names to things – car, building, cake, Uncle Joe.  This makes conversation so much easier because we don’t have to describe each object we’re talking about:  “the metal thing with four rubber wheels that moves when the pedal inside the occupant-chamber is depressed ….”.  

So far, so useful.

But problems begin when, after repeated encounters with the same object, we limit our experience of that object to just its superficial name

An example will help clarify what I’m getting at here. 

So, we arrive at work and see the same office building we’ve toiled away in for the past eight years.  If it registers in our consciousness at all it’s merely as “the office building where I work”.  We look at it but do not see it.

But let’s put ourselves in the shoes of a new-hire encountering that same building for the very first time.  What do they take note of?  Just “the office building where I now work”?

Probably not.  Because the building is a novelty to them they likely take conscious notice of the building’s overall shape, the colour of its walls, the pattern of its windows, the scent of the flowers bordering its entrance, and dozens of other  features about their new environment.  They actually see it!

What’s going on here is the exact same thing that makes travel to a new locale seem so much more interesting than life back home.

The objects and places you encounter every day have become so familiar to you that they no longer warrant close examination – you have become blind to their opportunities for joy and deeper insight.  

In short, if all we ever do is look, then familiarity can indeed breed contempt.

True seeing, then, takes mindfulness: consciously engaging our senses to actually notice our surroundings.

But What is There to Notice – It’s Just a Boring Building!

Yes, if you limit your experience of an object to just its superficial label (“the office building where I work”), viewing it all in one go, you may indeed find it boring and not worthy of your conscious attention or consideration.

But there is another way to view the world, a better way in my opinion, that brings the seemingly routine parts of our world to life again.  I refer to this way of seeing as “going into photography mode“.

Going Into Photography Mode

When I first took an interest in photography I mistakenly thought that good camera gear was the key to good photos.  But I was completely wrong.  In actual fact, the equipment deployed has virtually nothing to do with it.  

So what does?  The ability to SEE!

“Photography is an art of observation.  It’s about finding something interesting in an ordinary place.  It has little to do with the things you see and everything to do with how you see them.”

Elliott Erwitt, photographer

How to See

“Going into photography mode” means to change the way you view the world around you.

Instead of seeing your surroundings in terms of objects, each with a familiar name, in photography mode we view them in terms of their components and overall feel:

  • lines
  • curves
  • shapes
  • intersections
  • colours
  • textures
  • patterns
  • symmetry
  • shades of light and dark
  • reflections
  • contrasts
  • emotional impact

Seeing the world in these terms necessitates mindful noticing – looking beyond the familiar objects before you and, instead, looking at them with renewed curiosity in terms of these components.  In many cases you are looking inside the everyday to see past their familiar exterior.

That “Boring” Office Building

So, back to that seemingly-boring office building. Instead of seeing “just a building”, someone in photography mode may take note of:

  • Reflections in the windows.
  • Shadows slanting across the building’s exterior.
  • The texture of the brick.
  • The exterior’s warm glow in the late-day sun.
  • The apparent convergence of the exterior walls when viewed from below.
  • A lone light in an otherwise dark building.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about, this a photo I took of a farm house near my home.  On the face of it this scene could be considered rather non-descript; until looked at in photography mode.  In other words, when looked at mindfully!

Here are some of the components that compelled me to take this photo:

  • Notice the many triangles:  1) The road.  2) The bottom right corner of the road bordered by its median line.   3) The front yard.   4) The triangle formed by an imaginary line drawn across the tops of the trees + along their base + the right edge of the photo.  5) The roof peak.  6) The mass of cloud on the right of the picture, again drawing an imaginary line across its top edge.  7) The snow banks.
  • The symmetry created by the parallel lines formed by the trees, home, telephone pole, and silo. 
  • To my eye, the trees at the entrance to the driveway lend a menacing presence, their branches seemingly reaching out to grab incautious passersby.
  • The contrast of the black and white components.  
  • The contrasting textures of the smooth road and sky vs. the front fence and yard. 
  • To my eye there’s an eeriness about this scene, I believe due in part to its inhospitable starkness and absence of life.

Looked at mindfully, a scene surely unnoticed and unremarked by many, becomes one of compelling interest.

“The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself”

Henry Miller, American writer (b 1891)

For other examples, do check out the photos on my Flickr site.  As you assess them, take particular note of how the components listed above work together to render them interesting (well, hopefully interesting)!   🙂

Noticing is Mindfulness!

Living each day in “photography mode” is a wonderful way of making your way through life because, in doing so, you cannot help but be mindful.  Noticing is mindfulness!

Why?  Because the act of noticing keeps us in the present moment, the only moment where life actually happens.  And when we live in the present moment – when mind and body are in the same place at the same time – that’s when we’re happiest.

Think of it this way – if your mind is always focused on noticing the world around you, really seeing it and engaging with it, you can’t also be fussing over the past, fretting about the future, or wasting your life in spaced-out fantasy.

I truly hope that you see what I mean!  (awful pun sadly intended  🙂 ) 

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Work – Life Balance

“Before capitalism, most people did not work very long hours at all. The tempo of life was slow, even leisurely; the pace of work relaxed. Our ancestors may not have been rich, but they had an abundance of leisure. When capitalism raised their incomes, it also took away their time.”
Juliet Schor, author of “The Overworked American: The Unexpected Decline of Leisure”

I consider myself very fortunate to have been in the employ of a very caring company for the final 22 years of my career as a personal financial advisor.  I felt listened to, supported, respected, and appreciated.

None of this, however, left me immune to the challenges of work-life balance.  Despite already being a seasoned advisor at the time I joined the company in 1997, I struggled to keep up with the heavy workload. 

As a result I found myself staying later than desired most weeknights and going back into the office on many a weekend.

After enduring a year of this with no end in sight, I realized that something had to change, because:

  1. I was begrudging the extra time spent at the office.  Time I would have preferred to have spent with my spouse or engaged in my favorite leisure activities was being curtailed to fit in more time at work. 
  2. My job satisfaction was waning, and this despite truly loving my advisory role.
  3. Despite being a generally happy, easy-going individual,  I found myself feeling bitter and humorless

Of course, my story is hardly unique.  Indeed, for most Canadians and much of the rest of the world, this has become the norm.

For example, in a comprehensive 2012 study of 25,000 working Canadians it was found that:

  • the typical employee works more than 50 hours per week, this representing an extra full day of work each week.
  • 54% took work home with them to do in the evening and/or on weekends.
  • the typical employee spends an hour each non-work day checking work-related email.

And this pace is leisurely compared to work-life balance in the Chinese tech industry where ‘996’ work regimes are currently the norm, this being a start time of 9am, a finish time of 9pm, and six days a week spent at the office.  

Of course, all of this extra time working comes with serious consequences.

The Hazards of Working Too Many Hours

Beyond job dissatisfaction and less time to devote to life’s many joys and passions, chronic overtime can have very serious physical and mental health implications:

  • Mental burnout.
  • Significantly-increased risk of developing cardiovascular disease.
  • Working long days leaves less time for sleep and can also impair sleep quality.  Lack of sleep can result in reduced productivity, impaired judgment, increased irritability, increased risk of high blood pressure and other chronic diseases such as diabetes, a compromised immune system, increased risk of fatigue-induced accidents, increased risk of anxiety and depression, and weight gain. 
  • Increased stress (with all of the hazards this entails).
  • Vision problems (typically from staring at a computer screen for too long).
  • Impaired cognitive performance.
  • Too much sitting at a desk increases the risk of back problems, cancer, heart disease (irrespective of maintaining an exercise regimen), chronic illnesses like high blood pressure and diabetes, dementia in later life, and varicose veins.
When Long Hours Don’t Impact Work-Life Balance

A distinction needs to be made between two categories of overtime:

  1. The extra work we do because we want to.
  2. The extra work we do because we feel we have to.

I personally toiled thousands of extra hours over my career delving into investment journals and creating my own financial planning tools, not because it was expected or because I felt obligated to do it or because it increased my income – I just found it fascinating and professionally rewarding.  As a result, it wasn’t a burden to me and so not a work-life balance issue. 

Of course, many willingly toil well beyond a 40-hour week for other reasons, such as:

  • They truly love what they do.  Work is more akin to play than to work.
  • Their income is directly linked to hours worked and the extra money means more to them than extra leisure.
  • They have performance targets and believe that long hours will help them reach those targets and so enhance their annual bonus, again the extra money meaning more to them than extra leisure.
  • They believe that being seen working long hours enhances their status within the company – a ‘team player’ – perhaps leading to future promotions.
  • It’s an expected part of the job at their firm and they accepted this fact going in.
  • They have few outside interests so work is pretty much it for them.
  • Their family life is a disaster so it’s better being at work.

Therefore, willingly working long hours is not the problem, it’s the work we grudgingly feel we have to do that upsets the apple cart of work-life balance.

Why is There Always More Work to Do Than Time to Do It?

Before we get to this question, let me make it clear that this post assumes employee and managerial competency:

  • Well-trained, motivated staff who know how to do their jobs efficiently and have been provided the necessary tools to do it.
  • Competent managers who limit their roles primarily to providing clear guidance on expected results, removing any pointless roadblocks that impede achievement of those results, and then getting out of the way to let their people get on with it.

So, with these points taken as a given, what are some of the key reasons we never have enough time to complete all our assigned tasks?

Two are often cited:  1) Office productivity killers.  2) Unrealistic workloads. 

Productivity Killers  

Certainly the impairment of productivity is an important and widespread issue.  Tragically, this often involves self-inflicted wounds that cumulatively conspire to decimate workplace productivity, such as:

  • Open-concept office noise and distractions.
  • Interruptions by colleagues.
  • Email diarrhea.
  • Meetings, meetings, meetings, …

Without doubt these do impede getting one’s actual work done in the time allotted, but are not responsible for poor work-life balance.

Unrealistic Workloads

In short, unrealistic workloads are inevitable.

Why so?  Because organizations need to keep costs under control to ensure their survival.  No company wants excess staff on its payroll, so efficiency dictates that head count always be kept just below what is actually required.

Simply put, if your competition can make the same product as you do at a lower cost by being more productive – doing more with less – then they could end up putting you out of business.

CEOs spend much of their time worrying about this very issue – how to marshal resources in the most efficient way to seize opportunities and maximize profit.

But it’s not just publicly-listed and other for-profit companies that are impacted. Even not-for-profit organizations face pressure to deliver value-for-money to clients, funding bodies, and donors.

In other words, where competition exists, survival of the fittest applies pressure on firms to do more with less. 

On the other hand, in the absence of competition (e.g. unionized public sector positions) there is some evidence that employees tend to have better work-life balance, generally working to  fixed schedules (and quitting times) and putting in less overtime than private sector employees.  Anecdotal evidence, in the form of personal friends working in the Canadian public sector, supports this finding.

So, neither workload nor productivity impediments are to blame

What this means is that, where competition exists, even if we all suddenly became that much more productive, either head count would shrink or work demands would expand to fill the time saved – the problem of work-life balance would remain firmly intact.  

My own experience corroborates this. I got my first full-time job back in 1980, a time when neither desk-top computers nor email yet existed, both unquestionably boons to productivity.

However, their widespread adoption (computers in the mid-80s and email in the early 90s) failed to banish work-life balance issues.  Indeed, the term ‘work-life balance’ really didn’t make into the lexicon until the late 80s, making this a clear case of productivity-enhancers rendering the workplace more onerous, not less.

Smart phones are another case in point.  Wonderful tools for productive communication and information access but with the insidious downside of being able to remain work-connected 24/7 and the implicit expectation that comes with this.  Is it any surprise that, in its day, the once-popular Blackberry was only half-jokingly known as the “Crackberry” for its addictive powers.

And as for staff numbers adjusting to economic reality, I was a mining engineer at the time of the 1981 recession and a financial advisor at the time of the 2008 financial crisis.  In both instances, as profit declined, staff were fired to bring costs back in line with revenues – but the workload didn’t decrease. 

So, no, productivity issues are not at the root of the work-life balance issue and corporate survival ensures that workload will always exceed staff capacity to complete all of it.

Why Do We Grudgingly Work So Much?

So, faced with more work than can realistically be done in a normal work day, why do we feel compelled to try to get all our work done knowing it’s an impossible goal? 

I believe there is only one reason – fear – both corporate and personal:  corporations fear being competed out of business and individuals fear  being competed out of a job.

The Work-Life Dilemma

Because of these fears, resolving the work-life balance issue is akin to resolving the nuclear arms issue – no company and no employee wants to be the first to cut back hours because they believe they will be put at a disadvantage.

It is for this reason that employers are conflicted when it comes to this issue: having their staff put in extra hours for no extra pay helps them do more for no extra cost, but not taking work-life balance seriously can make it hard to attract and retain quality employees.

Little surprise then that employers tend to send mixed messages, espousing work-life balance on one hand while generally turning a blind eye to its absence in practice.

But employees also feel conflicted, desperately wanting work-life balance but fearing they’ll be sacked if they try to make it happen.

Indeed, I witnessed this type of fear first-hand during the closing years of my career. Some of my colleagues, though putting in significant overtime, chose not to submit requests for validly-earned overtime pay for fear of being seen as the only one unable to keep up with the workload – no one wanted to be the first-mover. 

So, What’s the Solution?

What, then, will it take to eliminate this scourge on working life? 

Because of it’s near-global presence, it is clear that work-life balance is a societal issue, and such issues typically only get resolved if enough brave individuals begin to stand up for themselves and demand change. 

Their example can quickly unleash a tidal wave of support when the issue they agitate against touches so many lives, as work-life balance does. 

This is how brutal autocrats worldwide are toppled and decency brought back into blighted societies. And it is how common-place work-life balance will eventually be achieved: through individual effort snowballing into widespread cultural change

And It’s Already Happening!

The good news is that some enlightened societies, like the European Union and the Scandinavian countries, have already decided that enough’s enough and so have imposed legislation to soften the impact of capitalism.

This is reflected in the list below that shows the average number of hours worked per year in 2021 by full-time employees in various countries: 

  • 2300      China
  • 1970      South Korea
  • 1790      U.S.A.
  • 1690      Canada
  • 1610       Japan
  • 1520      Finland
  • 1490      France
  • 1440      Sweden
  • 1360      Denmark
  • 1350      Germany

Remarkably, as outlined in this article, despite already posting the lowest annual working hours among OECD countries, German companies are having to become even more beneficent toward their employees as cultural and demographic changes (i.e. a declining number of working-age people – a near-worldwide occurrence) increasingly shift bargaining power to employees and so push work-life balance high up the agenda of job-seekers. 

Even China’s downtrodden tech workers are speaking up against their punishingly-long hours. 

So, change can happen, but until then, it’s up to you to speak up for yourself.

It’s up to You, and You, and You, ….   

Mr. Kai-Fu Lee (one of China’s best-known entrepreneurs and former President of Google China) recently revealed his lymphoma diagnosis in a message to his 50 million followers on Sina Weibo. But what has resonated far wider is his repudiation of the work-comes-first mentality that drives so many Chinese business people.

“It’s only now, when I’m suddenly faced with possibly losing 30 years of life, that I’ve been able to calm down and reconsider,” wrote the 52-year-old founder and CEO.

Excerpted from Todayonline magazine, 15 Sept 2013

Sadly, it often takes just such a tragic circumstance to get us to re-evaluate what’s truly important in our lives, wake up to the self-inflicted insanity we have brought upon ourselves, and regain balance. 

But here’s the rub – we don’t need an excuse.  If we can do it under tragic circumstances like this, we can do it any time we choose.

And therein lies the solution: 

Work-life balance is a choice – our choice, our collective choice – but it all starts with You.    

Thoughts on Achieving Work-Life Balance 

Choosing to say ‘no’ to a chronic work-life imbalance, to actually get up the gumption to advise your employer that you’re no longer going to work the hours you have been, may sound scary.

But it shouldn’t be if dealt with mindfully, openly, honestly, realistically, and in the spirit of goodwill that usually exists between employee and employer (and if it doesn’t, you’re working for the wrong company).

So, if you’re ready to take concrete steps to regain work-life balance – and do your part to drive societal change – here are some things to consider:

Take charge

Only you know what work-life balance means to you and only you can make it happen.  No one is going to come up to you and say, “Here, let me help you achieve work-life balance.”

Keep the End-Goal in Sight  

As you negotiate your way toward work-life balance, always keep in mind what’s at stake – all the life-enhancing moments that collectively contribute to helping make your life great – all the things you will regret not having devoted more time to at life’s end.  After all, what’s life all about?  Work?  Partly, of course, but there’s way more to life than work.

You’re likely worth way more to your employer than you think you are.  

Assuming you’re a capable, self-starting, congenial, positive individual, replacing you comes with significant costs:

  1. The cost of hiring your replacement.
  2. The cost of bringing that person up to your level of knowledge and experience.
  3. The cost in lost productivity and increased errors in the meantime.
  4. The negative impact your termination has on morale and, hence, other potential departures.
  5. The cost associated with the loss of your future higher productivity that would have resulted had you been retained, but this starting from your already high skill level that may be many years ahead of your replacement.
  6. The financial cost of compensating you for termination.
  7. The potential cost of making a hiring mistake and having to go back through the entire hiring process again, with yet more cost.

Your employer is espousing work-life balance.  You’re simply following through on it

Being a professional entails having open, honest conversations with your employer about what work-life balance means to you – what your boundaries are and what your commitments are. 

This obviously is a very individual issue – your definition of work-life balance may be quite different from that of your colleagues, and that’s to be expected. 

In the end it all comes down to give and take between you and your employer.  They justifiably expect results and you justifiably expect a life beyond work.  Almost assuredly there is common ground between you and your employer.  And if there isn’t, then you still have a choice – find a better employer.

Happy employees are more productive employees

Your value to your employer increases if you’re happy at work because it’s been shown to enhance productivity.  Accommodating work-life balance is a powerful means to impact employee happiness.

Of course, we’ve already covered the negative mental and physical harms of over-work, all of which impede productivity, so avoiding over-work benefits both staff and the company. 

Companies with work-life balance can attract and retain better staff

Imagine you’re looking for a job and have narrowed your choice down to two otherwise identical employers. Without question, you are going to choose the one that has a reputation for treating its employees better – the one that actually cares about its people’s work-life balance.  

Such a company has the luxury of being picky about who it hires and so can preferentially select superior workers who are more creative and productive.

Being more productive, the company need not compete head-to-head on compensation to remain competitive.  It’s the uncaring company with the less productive staff that needs to offer more pay in order to try to compensate for the longer hours that would be needed to compete with the more productive company.

And if the caring company does match compensation (which it could given its higher productivity)?  It’s easy enough to see how the uncaring company could enter a death spiral, unable to compete on productivity, working conditions, or compensation sufficiently high to offset those awful working conditions.

The good news on this front is that this is already starting to happen. Unlike us old Baby-Boomers, today’s younger workers are increasingly asking prospective employers about work-life balance, and opting for those companies that actually take it seriously. 

Life is precious, short, and could end much sooner than anticipated.  Do you really want to fritter away a big chunk of it toiling in misery?

We tend to live life as if we’re immortal, our eventual death an event that’s going to occur in some far-distant future.  But we all know this isn’t reality.  Even in my limited social sphere I can think of dozens of friends, relatives, former classmates, and former colleagues who died young. 

I myself could have died on 24 March 2017 when I was involved in a serious head-on car accident.  Had I been hit by a larger vehicle that day I seriously doubt I would be around to write these words.

It shouldn’t take a life-altering health scare or other tragedy to wake us up to the preciousness of life.  Yes, work is a fulfilling and necessary part of our lives, but its importance truly needs to be kept in perspective.  And only we can make the choice to ensure that it plays its fair role, but no extra.  It’s all a matter of taking responsibility for our own lives.  

Flexible work arrangements may make work more pleasant, but do not directly address the problem of grudgingly-worked long hours.

Take the increasingly popular flex-hours idea – giving staff the ability to come and go as they choose to better accommodate their lifestyle, provided they still put in at least the contracted amount of time. 

This obviously is of no help resolving work-life balance if you’re still begrudging the number of hours you have to toil, even if they are put in flexibly.

Work-from-home is another trend gaining acceptance by employers (and materially boosted by the Covid-19 pandemic).  But once again, if you simply replace long hours at the office with long hours at home, nothing has been accomplished (indeed, there is evidence that those opting to work from home actually put in even more hours than those working from the office).

What about equal time off in lieu of those grudgingly-worked extra hours?  On the face of it, this sounds a fair trade because your total hours worked now mathematically fits your concept of work-life balance.

But there are two problems with this arrangement.  First, it is almost never the case that the extra time off comes anywhere close to the extra time worked.

Second, even if it is a one-for-one swap, all those extra hours spent at the office mess up your life over an extended period of time whereas the extra time off is concentrated into a day or two. 

For example, let’s say that work-life balance to you means going home at 5pm each night but the workload is such that you feel compelled to work to 6pm most days.  So, over a two-week span let’s say you accumulate eight hours of grudging overtime.  Then, in lieu of this, you get an extra day off.  

Would this feel like a fair trade-off?  Two weeks of misery, followed by an extra day off, followed by another two weeks of misery, reprieved by another extra day off?  I don’t believe so.

On the day you retire, no one is going to remember or care about all those extra hours you grudgingly put in over the years. 

All those years spent putting in extra time at work, depriving yourself of other pleasures, and what do you get?  If you’re lucky, a party, a card, a gift or two, a smattering of applause, and then you’re gone; replaced and quickly forgotten.  Does this sound like a trade-off you really want to make? 

Setting clear boundaries and then sticking to them is essential

Work-life balance is not a one-size-fits-all concept.  Just because your colleague Johnny (or, even worse, your boss) is willing to work crazy hours doesn’t mean it should suit everyone else, because we’re each different.

As a result, only you know your work-life boundaries.  It is essential that you know these boundaries, be able to verbalize them to your employer, and then stick to them, because in their absence you will end up saying ‘yes’ to requests to which you should have said ‘no’. 

And if a request isn’t actually a request but an order?  Then you owe it to yourself – for the sake of truth, honesty, and reality – to advise your employer that taking on that new task necessarily means that others on your to-do list will either be delayed or, indeed, dropped entirely. 

Achieving work-life balance requires realism.  If your employer doesn’t wish to face up to reality, then it may be time to find another employer.

We already have boundaries – we just need to choose better ones

All of us eventually choose to stop working at some point each day, meaning we all have chosen boundaries; we’ve just settled on ones that don’t provide us with work-life balance.

So, bearing this in mind, choose a better boundary that does.  You still won’t get all your work done regardless, but you’ll be a happier, healthier, more productive employee as a result. 

And, as mentioned above, in the end, no one’s going to remember or care  how much time you put in or how many widgets of production you contributed toward the welfare of humankind during your time on this earth.  You’re way more important to you than to the collective – so keep this firmly in mind.

Setting work-life boundaries shows you to be a thoughtful professional 

Were I a manager, I personally would be impressed by someone who had taken the time to be able to clearly verbalize the following:

  1. Based on my strengths, here is how I see myself contributing to the betterment of this company.
  2. Here is my plan to achieve the performance targets I’ve been assigned.
  3. Here are the boundaries within which I plan to work in order to achieve work-life balance.

As a manager, I know I would appreciate having clearly-defined work parameters from each member of the team rather than possessing only a vague sense of each one’s expectations and plans. 

If no one can keep up with the work, it’s not you, it’s the job 

When we’re always behind at work we start to question our competency and have a tendency to feel that we’re the only one who can’t cut the mustard.  But here’s the thing – if all those around you doing the same role are also struggling, then it’s not you, it’s the job

You must be prepared to quit if work-life balance is unattainable

In the end, if you are unable to negotiate a suitable work-life balance with your employer, then you must either be prepared to quit and find another employer that is more accommodating or accept that your life is going to be less than you had hoped it would beyour choice.

Final Word

Living a mindful life is all about making wise choices.  And making such choices necessitates facing up to reality – head on – and not shying away from situations we fear.

Given its prevalence, achieving work-life balance is clearly a fearful situation for just about everyone.

However, if dealt with openly, honestly, realistically, and with goodwill and calm confidence, I believe it to be within everyone’s reach. 

So, time to do your part for this obviously much-needed societal change!

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Choosing Work-Life Balance:  My Own Story

At the outset of this post I referenced my own lack of work-life balance. Here is what I did to bring sanity back to my own job as a personal financial advisor:   

  • I found that my days were scattered, doing whatever happened to hit my desk at any given moment; quickly responding to email, always answering the phone whenever it rang …….   In short, I was reacting to the job rather than being proactive.  Of course, working in this manner is stressful because you feel like you’ve got no control – you’re always at the mercy of external events.  So, to regain control, I made a list of my duties, prioritized them, estimated how much time each would require, and then built a fixed weekly schedule that blocked off specific times each day of the week to deal with my most important tasks.
  • In doing so I acknowledged and accepted that the less-important tasks may never get done – how could they if I could barely keep up with the highest-priority items? Achieving work-life balance means facing up to reality, and reality is that there’s always more work to do than time available, so if I was going to get home at a reasonable hour, something had to give.
  • I ran my plan by a senior executive to gain their approval, which was granted.
  • I stuck to the plan vociferously and faced whatever consequences arose, which proved to be near nil. Yes, my assistant initially had difficulty saying ‘no’ to clients who wanted to see me right away. However, she soon discovered that clients were more accommodating than she had imagined – after all, they too were busy professionals who understood the need to take control one’s schedule.
  • I began making more realistic promises to clients, pushing off fulfillment sufficiently far into the future to ensure I could get it done without having to put in overtime.
  • And, most importantly, at the end of a normal work day, I went home. Was all my work done? Of course not!  But then, it never would be regardless of how late I stayed.

And the outcome? I was proud of the service I provided my clients and, with the exception of one target, all of my results proved excellent – client satisfaction, client retention, new-client acquisition, new investment deposits, new insurance policies issued, financial planning value delivered, etc.

And the one target I consistently failed at?  Well, that was the one dictating how many clients I was expected to meet with each year; I met with far fewer than my employer wanted.

However, that particular target was incompatible with my new way of working and my goal of maintaining work-life balance.

Nonetheless, given my success on the many measures that actually contributed to the profitability of the company (which hitting a meetings-per-week target doesn’t), this proved more than a reasonable trade-off, for me and the company.

What my experience illustrates is that there’s almost always more than one way to achieve success. After all, we each have unique skills and experience, so a one-size-fits-all approach to most jobs rarely makes sense.

In the end, I was able to be successful, achieve work-life balance, regain job satisfaction, and maintain a level of professionalism that I was proud of.

Now, I include my story not because I believe it can be blindly applied to every job out there, because it clearly can’t. However, my point is that you almost assuredly have more control over your situation than you believe, so I truly hope you take whatever steps are necessary to achieve your own work-life balance.

Best wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life 

 

Stress: Its Science & Management

Research has linked even moderate levels of stress to lower life expectancy

Economist magazine, 25 April 2015

Stress: What it’s good for

The human body is beautifully adapted to dealing with acute stress – getting blood, nutrients and energy to those muscles most needed to get us out of imminent danger – quickly!

Picture yourself at a beautiful Polynesian resort lolling about on a surfboard a couple hundred feet offshore – the sun is shining brightly, your family is frolicking happily on the beach, you’ve not a care in the world – life couldn’t be better.

And then, without warning, a siren blares out, shocking you out of your peaceful bliss – there’s a SHARK in the water!!!!

In a split second your body kicks into action:

  • Your sympathetic nervous system, the one responsible for quickly mobilizing the body, kicks into action. At the same time, your parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for calming the body, shuts down.
  • Epinephrine (aka adrenaline) is pumped into your blood stream, triggering a rapid cascade of escape-assisting activity. It’s quick release gives you that “kicked-in-the-stomach” feeling.
  • Your heart starts racing, pushing more blood and nutrients to your shoulder, arm, and leg muscles so that you can start motoring like a paddlewheel on a Mississippi steam boat.
  • Your blood pressure rises as a result of your pounding heart.
  • Under the influence of the extra epinephrine, your platelets (blood cells that promote clotting) start clumping together more readily, thus thickening your blood, helpful should you suffer bodily injury.
  • Your breathing quickens to suck in more oxygen for those hard-working muscles.
  • Insulin secretion is suppressed and fat cells’ sensitivity to insulin is reduced – no point removing glucose from the blood when it’s urgently needed.
  • Glucose, proteins, fats, and “bad” cholesterol are sucked out of your fat cells, liver, and non-essential muscles and dumped into your blood stream to provide your shoulder, arm, and leg muscles with immediate fuel – no time to wait for that bacon-and-egg breakfast to digest! In fact, digestion comes to a halt to re-direct energy to where it’s needed right now.
  • Your colon contracts making you involuntarily soil your bathing suit – and it’s the runny diarrhea kind. No point wasting energy removing water from faeces or carrying around excess weight.
  • To conserve energy, non-essential activities like appetite, digestion, bone growth, pain sensation, and sex drive are all suppressed.
  • With digestion and stomach acid levels temporarily decreased, renewal of the stomach’s acid-resistant protective lining is minimized .
  • The immune system is temporarily boosted in readiness for a short-term danger.
  • Your senses become more acute.
  • More blood and nutrients are directed to your brain, enhancing your ability to remember facts (such as how to escape from a shark)!

And then, after you make it to shore safely, the whole process reverses: the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in to calm you down, your heart rate and breathing slow, your blood pressure drops, nutrients begin to be re-deposited to your fat cells, epinephrine levels go back to normal, and routine bodily activities like digestion and cell growth re-start; beautiful!

Stress: What it’s bad for

Unfortunately, this wondrous system for keeping us safe in the face of imminent, life-threatening danger cannot distinguish between real danger and things that are merely upsetting.

It also kicks in over situations like discovering a big scratch on your car door, or being overwhelmed at work, or having to rush home to feed your daughter and then get her to her 6pm soccer practice on time – across town and through rush-hour traffic.

When chronically triggered over life’s little stuff, our stress reaction turns from saviour to annihilator, leading to:  

  • A five-fold increase in the risk of developing cardiovascular disease.
  • A suppressed immune system.
  • Increased risk of anxiety disorders and depression in later life among children born to chronically-stressed mothers.
  • Increased risk of diabetes and greater difficulty keeping it under control.
  • Increased junk food craving and fat storage.
  • Increased sensitivity to stressors and an impaired calming system.
  • Increased risk of gastrointestinal disease such as an ulcer.
  • Increased risk of osteoporosis.
  • Increased risk of reproductive problems.
  • Increased risk of memory impairment.
  • Increased impulsivity and emotional swings coupled with impaired decision-making ability.
  • Sleep impairment (and the many harms this brings on).
  • Increased risk of depression and of anxiety disorders.
  • Among the elderly, an increased risk of memory impairment and compromised ability to generate new neurons.
  • More easily fatigued.
  • Greater risk of substance abuse.
Our Ugly Side

Aside from the physical and mental damage caused by chronic stress, it also turns us into the person no one wants to be around.  When stressed, we tend to exhibit the following traits:

  • We feel there is an urgent need to fix whatever appears to be the problem, but this at precisely the moment stress has taken our wisdom “off-line” (this by compromising our ability to access our prefrontal cortex, the locus of our executive functioning).
  • We raise our voice.
  • We lose our sense of humor.
  • We act in an abrasive manner and lose our kindness and compassion for others.
  • We lose the ability to concentrate.  We are quick to judgment and blame.
  • We say and do things that damage relationships. 
  • We are unpleasant to be around which further strains our relationships.

As covered at the outset, our stress system evolved to protect us from acute, short-term, imminent danger and it still serves this purpose – put your hand on a hot stove and you will automatically react, no need to consciously think about what to do.

However, our stress system has yet to evolve to the point where it is able to discern the difference between true danger (which is rare and short-lived) and those things we merely find upsetting (which are numerous, frequent, and often drawn out).

This latter type of stress is referred to as “psychological stress”, the kind we totally make up in our heads.

So, subject the stress system to numerous, frequent, drawn-out, troubling thoughts and we put ourselves at risk for all of the ills outined above.

In short, being chronically stressed is awful for us – physically, mentally, and socially – with implications that have the potential to extend into the future, affecting our children and grandchildren.

The Future Nature of Stress

By its very nature, psychological stress is rarely about things that have already happened (unless what happened in the past has potential future consequences, in which case, stress and anxiety are still about the future).

So, when our body is here, in this present moment, but our mind is in the future, we will inevitably experience anxiety and stress.

For example, picture yourself starting a beautiful day with a nice warm shower, joyfully breathing in the scent of your favorite shampoo, smiling inside and feeling terrific when, suddenly, into your head pops your day’s very long, very arduous to-do list: goodbye good feelings, hello stress. Your body is in the shower, but your mind is already at the office.

Whenever we do this we can immediately feel the stress reaction in our body – our muscles tighten, our stomach begins to churn, a sense of grim despair settles over us – and all because our body and mind have just entered different time zones.

A second factor that contributes to stress is the sense that we are not up to dealing with the future. After all, if our to-do list were completely manageable, we wouldn’t be stressing about it.

Such self-doubt appears to be a common human frailty, as evidenced by this snippet of wisdom from almost two-thousand years ago:

“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason that today arm you against the present.”
Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor, 161-185 AD

Factors That Accentuate the Harm of Stress

Four factors often cited for making it more likely that a stressor will inflict harm include:

  1. Lacking a sense of control over the stressor. Work in a job where you have little or no control of your work load, the way you work, or your working conditions and you are at greater risk of the job’s stressors making you sick. Even having the perception of control is better than feeling you have zero control.
  2. Facing a stressor that is unpredictable. Even if you lack control over a stressor, knowing things like its timing, duration, or extent are still going to help lessen its impact.
  3. Lacking healthy mental coping techniques or physical outlets to deal with the stressor. Mindfulness practice is one example of a healthy outlet for dealing with stress. Another is exercise because it mimics what the stress response was created for – physical exertion to escape danger.
  4. Lacking perspective about the stressor. One person’s stressor is another’s interesting stimulation, only the thought about the stressor differs; change the thought, change the perspective, and the stressor ceases to be stressful.  This is empowering.

Stress Management

Here, then, are some techniques and perspectives on managing stress:

Techniques for Managing Stress

  1. Change the situation or remove yourself from it, if you are able. If this is not possible, then full and total acceptance is your only other sane option. Once accepted as your reality, some of the other coping techniques can then be brought into play.
  2. Practice P.B.S.:  1) Pause and close your eyes to block out sensory distractions and facilitate a calming inward focus.   2) Breathe slowly and deeply two to three times, in for four, hold for seven, out for eight.  This activates your calming parasympathetic nervous system.  3) Smile, inwardly or outwardly, even if forced.  As discussed here, this releases feel-good neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins.
  3. Practice S.T.O.P.:  1) Stop whatever it is you are doing. 2) Take a few slow, deep breaths. 3) Observe your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, becoming consciously aware of them and naming them (“I’m feeling anger”, “I’m feeling frustration”, etc.) which has been found to diminish their ill effect. 4) Proceed to do yourself a kindness; take a stroll, have a friendly chat, go grab a healthy snack, etc.  
  4. Take a moment to sense which muscles are tight due to stress. Next, breathe deeply and slowly while consciously relaxing those muscles. Because body and mind are intimately connected, it is not possible to be stressed and completely relaxed at the same time.
  5. If feasible, increase your exercise regimen. It is important to burn off all the extra energy released by your stress hormones.
  6. Practice insight (vipassana) meditation (see this post). Notice the feelings underlying your stress – anger, frustration, fear, guilt, envy, embarrassment – whatever they may be. As per the S.T.O.P. technique, mentally call them out.
  7. Practice Tonglen meditation (see this post), a technique that changes your focus away from “woe is me” to one of concern for all others in similar straits, mentally taking in all of their suffering and, in its place, sending out good wishes for them to be at peace.
  8. Re-double commitment to your mindfulness practice (see this post) to keep your focus on the present moment and so stop your anxious mind’s troubled wandering.
  9. Slow down everything you do, otherwise your rushing will send a signal to your stress system that danger is afoot. And don’t be concerned that slowing down implies that your productivity will suffer. If anything, by calming a scattered, rushed mind, your enhanced clarity of thought will make you more productive. It is no coincidence that our best ideas typically come to us when we’re relaxing in the shower or are snuggled in our bed half awake in the pre-dawn of morning; in other words, times when our minds are still – the only time our subconscious intelligence is able to reveal itself.
  10. Related to the previous point is to also slow down your life – say ‘no’ to those things you really don’t wish to do so you are able to say ‘yes’ to those things in life that bring you joy (including the joy of doing of absolutely nothing)!
  11. Seek out quiet. Noise is a stressor and so best avoided. For example, near the end of my career my employer changed to an open-concept office layout. For the sake of my sanity I invested in a good set of noise-canceling headphones.  From a stress-management perspective this returned control to me.  It also replaced the unpredictability of office noise with the predictability of my favorite classical music.
  12. Seek out soothing music and sounds.  Related to the previous point, meditative music or just gentle sounds aid in accessing your calming parasympathetic nervous system and turn off its high-alert sympathetic counterpart.  A walk in the woods to simply listen to the forest sounds also works in the same manner (with the added benefit of exercise).
  13. Seek out social support. There is a link between social isolation and having an overly-active sympathetic nervous system. As a result, staying close to family and friends not only makes you happier but also helps manage stress.

Perspectives on Managing Stress

  1. Keep things in perspective. As outlined in this post, we often place great importance on issues that, in the big scheme of things, are little more than trivia.
  2. Change your thinking. Remember that it is not external circumstances that cause your stress but, rather, your perspective about such situations that does. Change your thinking, change your perspective, and your take on the situation changes as well; a stressful situation is suddenly seen as tolerable. Remember that you are always the master of your thoughts, they are not the master of you. If you do not feed negative thoughts, if you do not give them your continued attention, they will dissipate of their own accord and healthier thoughts will take their place. Psychological stress is nothing more than troubled thoughts. Remember that thoughts cannot hurt you, they are merely ephemeral biochemical reactions going on in your brain, they have no physical existence of their own.
  3. Remember than pain and impermanence are an inescapable part of life and that resisting this reality leads directly to needless suffering, making an already unpleasant situation even worse.
  4. Have confidence in yourself and know with certainty that you already possess the innate wisdom to deal with whatever life throws at you – because you do. Remember that to access that wisdom (i.e. your prefrontal cortex) you must be in a calm state of mind as otherwise you will be thinking with your decidedly-unwise amygdala. Think of it this way; even if the future turns out to be painful, you will assuredly handle it better if you approach it mindfully, using the calm, wise, responsive, and creative part of your brain rather than the unthinking, reactive part. With mindfulness practice, you get to choose.
  5. Think of stressful situations not as problems to be gotten rid of but as opportunities to strengthen your mindfulness practice. After all, it’s easy to be mindful when things are going your way. It’s only when life throws up challenges that you truly get to put your mindfulness skills through their paces.

“The most precious opportunity presents itself when we come to the place where we think we can’t handle whatever is happening.”
Pema Chodron, from her book, “When Things Fall Apart

“… the things we all find stressful – traffic jams, money worries, overwork, the anxieties of relationships.  Few of them are “real” in the sense that a zebra or a lion would understand.  In our privileged lives, we are uniquely smart enough to have invented these stressors and uniquely foolish enough to have let them, too often, dominate our lives.  Surely we have the potential to be uniquely wise enough to banish their stressful hold.”

Dr. Robert Sapolsky, from his book, “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

Appendix A:  The Health Risks of Stress

Cardiovascular Disease

The stress system was designed for acute, short-term stressors which lead to  a temporary increase in your blood pressure.  However, when chronically stressed, your blood pressure becomes chronically high.

Higher blood pressure and blood flow cause your artery muscles to thicken in order to handle the higher pressure and to control the higher flow rate. In doing so, they become less elastic which serves to further increase blood pressure – a vicious cycle has begun.

The left ventricle of your heart, the one being buffeted by the high-pressure returning blood flow, also experiences a thickening of its muscles, creating an imbalanced heart which increases the risk of an irregular heartbeat.

Chronic high blood pressure also damages the interior of your arteries at branching points, creating rough spots. As a result, inflammation-suppressing cells start congregating there. In addition, these rough spots trap things like fatty cells, “bad” cholesterol, clumped platelets, and miscellaneous fibrous crud. In this manner, an artery-blocking plaque is formed which can lead to heart attack and stroke.

Finally, there is a reason that high blood pressure is known as the ‘silent killer’ because much of the damage it wreaks occurs without symptoms. It is often under an episode of higher-than-normal stress that all the damage suddenly makes itself known and results in death.

It has been found that ‘Type A’ personalities (i.e. those individuals characterized by impatience, hostility, and hyper-competitiveness) are at greater risk of cardiovascular disease due to the fact that stressors have an amplified impact on such people.

Disease Susceptibility

While the immune system is boosted in the short-term, prolonged stress begins to suppress it.  White blood cell and antibody production decline and white blood cells already in circulation are subjected to removal and destruction by stress hormones. As a result, when stressed, you become prone to catching whatever illness is making the rounds such as the flu or common cold.

In addition, frequent stress also increases the risk of developing an autoimmune disease (e.g. lupus, celiac disease, multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, and psoriasis).

Generational Harm

The offspring of chronically-stressed mothers have been found to have greater “bad cholesterol” release when under stress, so your poor reaction to stress today may also harm your children.

For example, a fetus exposed to high levels of maternal stress hormones is at heightened risk of obesity, high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, and Type II diabetes. Further, its own children may also be at greater risk of these illnesses.

There is also some evidence that such children are at increased risk of both chronic anxiety and impaired brain development.

Juvenile Diabetes

By suppressing insulin production and the sensitivity of fat cells to insulin, chronic stress promotes insulin resistance, potentially increasing the risk of getting juvenile diabetes and making its control more difficult.

Junk Food Craving

In between chronic episodes of stress your body attempts to reverse the stress reaction process. The resulting stress hormones (known as glucocorticoids) stimulate appetite to begin replacing the energy stores that it expected you to use while fleeing from danger – danger that never happened.

And the foods these hormones lead you to prefer? That’s right, the starchy, sugary, and fatty stuff. And because these food types make you feel good (by temporarily reducing the stress response) they make you crave even more of them, leading to yet more gunk in your blood stream to amplify the arterial damage caused by chronic stress.

Further, in the presence of high insulin (remember the insulin-resistance angle), these hormones also increase the storage of this junk food.

And just to make matters worse, they preferentially pack it away in fat cells around the abdomen. This is a dangerous location because fat released from abdominal fat cells more readily finds its way into your liver which then turns it into glucose.  This leads to even higher blood sugar levels and greater insulin resistance.

Impaired Calming Ability

By chronically shutting down your calming parasympathetic nervous system you become less able to calm down after upsets.

Digestive Tract Diseases

Chronic stress-related colon contractions can lead to Irritable Bowel Syndrome, a thoroughly unpleasant illness whose symptoms include cramping, abdominal pain, bloating, gas, and diarrhea, constipation, or both.

During the recovery periods between episodes of chronic stress, stomach acid levels return to normal and are greeted by temporarily-reduced stomach wall defences, resulting in ulcers.

Osteoporosis

With the growth of new bone and the uptake of calcium restricted, stressed adults are at increased risk of osteoporosis.

Impaired Child Development

A child subjected to stressors may experience stunted growth, impaired intellect, and personality issues making it difficult for them to fit into society.

Reproductive Issues

By reducing testosterone levels in men and estrogen levels in women, stress reduces sex drive.

Further, the achievement of a male erection requires activation of the calming parasympathetic nervous system. Given that stress triggers the exact opposite – the sympathetic nervous system – impotence often results.

In females, stress reduces the secretion of key reproductive hormones leading to reduced ovulation and insufficient uterine lining changes to support the implantation of a fertilized egg.   The result is an inability to achieve pregnancy.

Memory Impairment

While short-lived acute stress enhances explicit memory (i.e. the ability to recall facts), chronic stress impairs it.

So, if you’re stressing about that big exam tomorrow afternoon, it’s likely that you won’t be able to remember all the things you studied.  Well, at least until you’ve calmed back down which, unfortunately, likely won’t be until after the exam is already over.

Executive Functioning Impairment

Stress negatively impacts the functioning of the prefrontal cortex, the locus of our executive functioning – emotional control, impulse control, and creativity. Wise decision making is compromised. 

Sleep Impairment

Stress impairs both the ability to get to sleep as well as the quality of whatever sleep you do get. This results in diminished attention, slowed working memory, an impaired ability to create new memories, reduced cognitive ability, a depressed mood, and an inflammatory response from the body (which, in turn, increases the risk of cardiovascular disease and cancer).

In what becomes a vicious cycle, sleep deprivation itself is a stressor, resulting in elevated levels of stress hormones making you prone to all of the troubles outlined previously.

So, back to that big exam: pull an all-nighter studying and the resulting lack of sleep will impair your ability to recall all those facts you worked so hard to cram into your head.

Depression

Exposure to repeated and frequent stressful episodes increases the level of stress hormones which, in turn, increases the chance of developing depression (i.e. an inability to experience pleasure).

In part this is due to the fact that stress hormones can mess up the neurotransmitters that work on triggering the brain’s pleasure pathways (i.e. dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine) .

Women are more prone to depression than men, this thought to be due in part to their greater tendency than men to ruminate about their problems (unlike men who have a greater tendency to ignore their problems).

Stressors over which we believe we have no control can induce a feeling of helplessness, one of the symptoms of depression where sufferers give up on life.  They assume it will only get worse even in the face of contrary evidence.

Diseases of the Elderly

As humans age their ability to return to a calm state becomes impaired due to the fact that dissipation of stress hormones takes longer.

In addition, the elderly often have higher base levels of stress hormones even in the absence of stressors. These elevated stress hormones lead to all of the problems listed previously, including impaired memory and reduced production of new brain neurons.

Fatigue

Under acute stress your body taps into its existing stores of energy and postpones new deposition. If the stress is repeated and chronic, your energy level becomes depleted and you fatigue more easily.

Anxiety Disorders 

Severe stress can both damage the hippocampus (thus impairing the ability to lock away memories for future recall) and make the amygdala permanently more reactive (thus making an individual yet more sensitive to stressors). The result is anxiety over a stressor without any conscious understanding of why you are feeling anxious.

Substance Abuse

Drugs like cocaine directly trigger the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that activates the part of the brain that creates the feeling of pleasure. As a result, if stressed, such drugs take away the pain of stress.

However, three problems occur. First, dopamine levels afterward drop below where they were prior to taking the drug. You feel even worse than before and so crave another hit to feel better again.

Second, the brain has a mechanism to limit the impact of excessive dopamine by becoming less sensitive to it. The result is the need for even more of the drug to get the same ‘high’.

And third, in the absence of getting more of the drug, stress hormone levels in the brain increase greatly, leading to activation of the amygdala which triggers feelings of fear and anxiety.

Addiction is the unsurprising result – an ongoing need to make the pleasure come back and make the fear and anxiety go away.

Income Inequality

While living in abject poverty is stressful and leads to many awful health outcomes, in most Western societies it is relative poverty that predicts ill-health.

In other words, it’s not about how much money you have but, rather, how much money you have relative to others that generates stress.

As a result, the greater a society’s income inequality, the worse the health of those on the bottom looking up.

Best wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

 

 

 

 

 

A Day in the Life of Being Mindful

If you’ve read some of my other posts you may be asking yourself, “Okay, concentration, awareness, acceptance, love – all great concepts – but what does ‘being mindful’ actually look like in practice?

So, to answer this, I’m going to take you through a hypothetical work day from start to finish, highlighting what would be considered a mindful approach to each part of the day.  

The Start of a New Day

  • Wake slowly (slowing down is a feature that permeates mindfulness practice because it helps activate the calming parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) and de-activate its high-alert counterpart, the sympathetic nervous system).
  • Take a few deep, slow breaths (this too activates the PNS).
  • Do a quick body-scan meditation, no more than a minute or two in duration, this simply being the turning of your attention to each part of your body in sequence to take in any and all sensations – warmth, cool, pressure points, the brush of clothes or bedding against your skin, etc..
  • Get out of bed.

Having Breakfast

  • Reflect gratefully on having abundant food.  Fostering gratitude has mental, physical, and social benefits.
  • Just eat – don’t watch TV and eat or check email and eat or mentally run through your day’s to-do list and eat – just focus your attention on the act of eating.  Actively engage your senses, noticing aroma, sound, appearance, feel, and taste.
  • Eat slowly, putting down your fork or spoon between mouthfuls.  This helps counter our tendency to rush through life.
  • Actively engage your senses, noticing your meal’s aroma, texture, appearance, sound, and taste. Doing so keeps you in the present moment and counters a wandering, anxious mind.

Showering, etc.

  • Take close notice of the scent of your body wash and shampoo, consciously feel the warm water against your skin, tune into the sound of the cascading water, and note the taste of it.  This is simply the practice of fostering present moment awareness.
  • While brushing your teeth, focus your full attention on the taste of the toothpaste, its feel in your mouth, the feel of the bristles against your gums, and the sound of the brush as it works its way around your teeth.

General Getting Ready to Head to Work

  • While dressing, just focus on dressing.  Pay attention to the scent of your clothes, the feel of them against your skin. 
  • In general, whatever task you are undertaking to get yourself ready to head to work, just focus on that task and nothing else.  Don’t think about the day ahead, just focus on what you’re doing in each moment as you prepare to get yourself ready for the day.
  • As an example of a potential upset to your morning, you discover that your husband has, once again (and despite numerous requests!) left his smelly gym socks on your dresser.  Instead of getting upset, you simply pick them up and put them in the laundry hamper.  You reflect on all the loving things he does for you, acknowledge your own infuriating habits, and realize fully that in the big scheme of life, socks left on a dresser just aren’t that big a deal.  Indeed, you acknowledge that none of life’s irritations are that big a deal, and certainly no reason to ruin your day over.    
  • Meditate 5 minutes (check out this post for the basics of how to meditate). 
  • If you have made your own version of my mindful commitment , give it a quick read and briefly reflect on your best intentions for the day.

Driving to Work

  • As you are driving, periodically take note of the feel of the steering wheel in your hands, the pressure of the seat against your behind, the feel of your clothes against your skin and the air on your face, the scent of the interior, and the sounds around you.  This helps keep you in the present moment and stops your mind from focusing anxiously on the day ahead.
  • Notice your surroundings as you drive – the clouds, sunlight, birds.  As you do, reflect on the beauty of nature and gratitude for having the great good fortune to experience life.
  • Be considerate of other drivers, ceding the right of way.  
  • Relax and remind yourself that you’re not in a hurry, so don’t speed, don’t tailgate, and don’t cut people off. 
  • If stuck in traffic, see it not as a hindrance but, rather, as an opportunity to deeply investigate your surroundings, to activate your curiosity.  Alternatively, use the opportunity to meditate, such as a quick body-scan meditation.   
  • If other drivers are inconsiderate or reckless don’t take it personally, just let it go. Remind yourself that humans are inherently mindless.  Further, it has become a cultural norm to live life in a rushed, frantic, self-absorbed manner – but you don’t have to.  And lastly, know that getting upset changes nothing, other than needlessly ruining part of your day. 

At Work

  • Focus on one task at a time.  Doing so helps keep anxiety at bay.
  • No matter what is asked of you, just do it without adding mental commentary about how stupid, boring, or useless it is.  If you can change or delegate such a task, then by all means do so, but if you can’t, then just do it.   Remember that putting up resistance to reality only makes a situation worse than it already is. 
  • Turn off email notifications and put your phone on do-not-disturb.  Distractions serve only to increase anxiety.  Set aside set times to deal with email and phone messages.
  • If you need extended alone-time to think, let your colleagues know that you are not to be interrupted.  By the same token, be considerate of your colleagues’ time and need to focus.
  • Know your limitations and set realistic boundaries.  Say no to requests you are unable to honour (or simply do not wish to do).  And if you must take on a new or unexpected task, make clear the impact on other tasks that you will no longer be able to get to in as timely a manner, if at all.
  • Set realistic expectations with management, colleagues, and clients.
  • Take regular mindfulness breaks (see this post for ideas).  Use these to check in on your mental state.  If anxious or upset, simply acknowledge this, close your eyes, take a few slow, deep breaths, consciously relax all your muscles, and smile (even if it’s a fake smile).  Know that nothing is so important as to let it ruin your day. 
  • Know that whatever you face, no matter how frustrating, it’s all simply part of life, nothing new that untold others have not also experienced.  Whatever comes your way, simply deal with it in a calm, matter-of-fact manner.
  • Take fifteen-minute morning and afternoon breaks to get a snack, stretch, go for a walk, meditate and, in general, relax and lighten up.
  • If you’re able to get out for a walk and encounter litter, pick it up and dispose of it.  Be the world you want, for everyone’s sake
  • Eat lunch as you ate breakfast, engaging all your senses and just focusing on the act of eating.  This is best done in a secluded, quiet spot to give your mind a break and help it slow down.  A noisy lunch room is not conducive to this.
  • Start each meeting with a minute of silence.  Creativity needs a stilled mind.
  • Before sending an email or leaving a voice message take a deep, relaxing breath to avoid unhelpful negative tone.
  • Before taking an incoming phone call, take a deep, relaxing breath (to activate your calming parasympathetic nervous system) and then smile! The subsequent conversation will go all the better for having done so.
  • Keep mindfulness reminders around your desk (I kept a Buddha figurine on my desk).
  • At day’s end, stop working, turn off your email and work phone, and go home. Your life outside work is equally, if not more, important.  Know with deep humility that the world will not come to an untimely end if you don’t get all your tasks done each day.  You’re just not that important in the big scheme of things – none of us are.

Driving Home

  • Repeat your morning process.
  • At a stop light, if solicited for cash by one of the many street people, lower your window, greet them warmly, and give them more than your brain is advising – your heart will thank you afterward.
  • Ideally, get to the gym for some exercise before heading home or work out at home.  Regular exercise benefits not only your physical fitness but also your mental health.

Eating Supper

  • Repeat your breakfast process.

Day’s End Before Bedtime

  • If you have errands to run after work, don’t rush – just focus on the tasks at hand and forego any negative mental commentary.  Know fully that even errands are part of life.

“Changing the filter, wiping noses, going to meetings, picking up around the house, washing dishes, checking the dipstick – don’t let yourself think that these are distracting you from your more serious pursuits. Such a round of chores is not a set of difficulties we hope to escape – it is our path.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn, author of “Wherever You Go, There You Are

  • Spend quality time with family and friends, listening mindfully to their stories (i.e. giving them your full attention, your personal electronics turned off or ignored).
  • Consider maintaining a gratitude journal, each evening documenting those things you experienced that day for which you are grateful.
  • Meditate for at least fifteen minutes.
  • Turn off all screen electronics at least one hour before bedtime.
  • Read a few pages about mindfulness, even if it’s from the same book of wisdom over and over again every night.  Contemplate the message.

Bed Time

  • Get to bed early enough to ensure eight hours of sleep.

The essence of living mindfully

As illustrated above, living mindfully is characterized as follows:

  • You pay attention to life, right here, right now, in the present moment rather than residing in the past or the future.
  • You live as an equanimous, curious observer of the inputs from your five senses, eschewing mental commentary and judgments.
  • You accept life as it actually is rather than troubling your mind with how you wish it were.
  • You embody patience, compassion, gratitude, integrity, and kindness.  In doing so, you influence our world for the better. 
  • You realize that there’s no place to rush to and no better place to be than being present – right here, right now.  Better is just a state of mind.
  • You commit to ongoing mindfulness practice and study.
  • You are grateful for life itself and all the wonderful things it presents.
  • There is a lightness to your life, a gentleness, an ease of being.
  • You seek out moments of stillness for quiet contemplation.

Living mindfully means living consciously, aware of and alert to life’s small joys.  In this manner, you limit the remit of your stress system and find yourself supported and nurtured by a calm knowing that life is rather fine, just the way it is.

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

 

Meditation: Why Bother?

What is meditation?

As I outlined in this post, mindfulness practice has two components:

  1. Informal practice – techniques deployed throughout your day to maintain present-moment awareness.
  2. Formal practice – which refers to meditation, this being the mind-training practice of focusing your attention (typically on your breath).

While there are many traditions of meditation, Zen likely being the most recognizable, there are two main goals of meditation that complement one another:

  1. Shamatha meditation enhances your ability to concentrate, focus, and pay attention.  It develops the inner calm necessary for practicing Vipassana meditation.
  2. Vipassana meditation, also known as “insight meditation”, involves contemplation of the deeper truths of life to help us become better people and lead happier, more peaceful, more compassionate lives.

Both forms of meditation are essential in that they support one another.  Concentration on its own can be aloof to the sorrows of the world and so needs insight to nurture compassion. 

On the other hand, acquiring insight is nigh impossible without first developing the ability to concentrate, to still the mind and direct your focus where you want it rather than where your mind involuntarily takes you.

“Without the steadiness of concentration it is easy to get caught up in feelings, perceptions, and thoughts as they arise.  Notice the profound difference between being aware of a thought and being lost in it.  It is the power of concentration that keeps the defilements at bay.”

Joseph Goldstein, “Mindfulness – A Practical Guide to Awakening

Why Meditate?

Here are some of the benefits of making a formal meditation practice part of your daily routine:

  • It enhances attention and the ability to concentrate.
  • It enhances emotional balance.
  • It provides inner peace and psychological well-being.
  • It increases our compassion, for ourselves and others.
  • It counteracts our tendency to be self-centered and self-absorbed.
  • It has been found to decrease anxiety, decrease the risk of depression, and decrease anger.
  • It boosts the immune system and helps reduce blood pressure in those suffering from hypertension.
  • It induces positive emotions.
  • It teaches us how to deal with negative thoughts.
  • It brings us back into the present moment with a mind that is clear, calm, and attentive.
  • It gives our mind a much-needed rest, helping us to access the wise part of our brain, the frontal cortex, while quieting the reactive part of our brain, the amygdala. 

In short, meditation is good for us mentally, physically, and inter-personally. 

So, while informal mindfulness techniques are exceedingly helpful, they only get us part-way toward our goal of living a life filled with peace, joy, compassion, and wisdom.  It takes a formal meditation practice to get us over the goal line, so to speak.

“Training the mind is crucial if we want to sharpen our attention, develop emotional balance and wisdom, and cultivate dedication to the welfare of others.”

Matthieu Ricard, Buddhist monk and author of “Why Meditate?

Starting a Meditation Practice

From all I have read and heard from others, my experience with starting a daily meditation practice is completely typical and one you are likely to experience as well:  

  • In the beginning I was completely unable to maintain a focus on my breath for longer than a few seconds.  Over and over I would catch myself thinking about work, or things I had to do, or friends and family, or aches and pains.   
  • In embarrassingly short order I found myself squirming on the meditation chair, tense, tight and just wanting the session to end.
  • I found myself skipping days, sometimes multiple days, between practice sessions.  I lacked commitment to the practice.

“Whether your meditation session is enjoyable or irritating, easy or hard, the important thing is to persevere.  If you get bored while meditating this is not the fault of meditation itself but is due to your lack of training.”

Matthieu Ricard

The good news is that things do get easier, and better! 

After about a year I began to notice that my ability to focus had most definitely improved, as had my stamina on the meditation chair; my squirming and discomfort had steadily diminished. 

So, just like sports training, my guidance is to push through the initial discomfort because you will come out the other side – trust me – and be all the better for it!

“Everyone knows that it takes time and perseverance to master an art, a sport, a language, or any other discipline.  Why should it not be the same with training the mind? 

It is a worthwhile adventure.  We are not talking about acquiring some ordinary ability, but rather about a new way of being that will  determine the quality of our entire life.”

Matthieu Ricard 

How to Meditate – The Basics

I am going to assume you are sitting in a straight-backed chair for your meditation.  I personally use my meditation stool or meditation futon.

Here, then, are the basic steps:

  1. Set a timer for how long you plan to meditate.  For this I use an app called “Insight Timer“, one of the most popular meditation sites.  It offers both a free version as well as a premium paid version (which I personally subscribe to).  Here you will find not just a timer but also thousands of spoken guided meditations, calming music to meditate to, as well as hundreds of short mindfulness courses.
  2. Sit comfortably, feet flat on the floor.
  3. Your back should be straight but not tense.  Keep your back away from the back of the chair.
  4. Lay your hands palm up on top of your legs in a position that’s comfortable, your elbows resting at your sides.
  5. Tilt your head slightly downward and close your eyes.
  6. Make any final adjustments to get comfortable.
  7. Consciously relax all your muscles.  Here I mentally envision all my body parts as being melting wax, softening gently under a comforting heat.  As an aside, a good opportunity to practice muscle softening is when you feel a sneeze coming on.  Rather than giving in, practice relaxing your facial muscles.  You’ll soon be amazed at your ability to stifle a sneeze just through the conscious softening of your muscles!
  8. Take two or three slow, deep breaths, inhaling to the count of four, holding for seven, and exhaling to the count of eight (or even longer as I often do).
  9. Begin breathing normally.
  10. Focus your attention on where you most easily sense your breath.  For most people this is near the tip of their nostrils, but could also be in your chest or belly.  Wherever it is, maintain a gentle focus on that spot to sense your in-breaths and out-breaths.  An excellent opportunity to practice focus is when you feel the urge to scratch an itch during a meditation session.  Rather than giving in, re-double your focus on the breath and see if the itch doesn’t just go away all on its own, this through re-direction of your attention to where you want it.
  11. If it helps maintain focus, mentally count your in-breaths and out-breaths, counting to ten and then starting over.  Alternatively, mentally repeat the words “Peace” for the in-breath and “Calm” for the out-breath.  As you gain experience you will likely find you no longer need these aids to maintain focus.
  12. Whenever you notice that your focus has wandered, just gently bring it back.  With practice you will experience less wandering and greater ability to remain focused.  This is actually one of the goals of meditation – to be able to turn your mind to where you want rather than to where it wants to take you!
  13. When the timer goes, slowly and gently move your fingers and toes, breathe deeply, stretch, and open your eyes.

Variations on Meditation Practice 

Here are instructions for doing a few of the better-known meditation practices:

Body-Scan Meditation (shamatha)

This meditation helps to develop your ability to maintain focused attention and awareness.  It also serves to bring you firmly into the present moment.

Begin by following steps 1 through 9 as outlined above. 

Starting with the small toe of your right foot, turn your attention for a few moments to any physical sensations there – tingling, pressure, warmth, etc.  In addition, mentally soften the muscles of that toe just that little bit more.

Gradually turn your attention to each part of your body in turn and simply repeat this process.

Difficult Emotions Meditation (vipassana)

This meditation helps you deal with difficult situations and to dissipate troubling thoughts.

Follow steps 1 through 10 above.

If you are going through a difficult time, it is a virtual certainty that your mind will soon wander away from your breath and latch on to your troubles. 

When it does, determine the feelings that underlie these troubles – anger, frustration, fear, envy, embarrassment – whatever they may be.

Once determined, call the feelings out by mentally naming them.  For example, if feeling afraid, gently repeat to yourself, “I am feeling afraid” or “Hello again, fear”.  By bringing negative feelings into conscious awareness, by facing them head on, they will gradually dissipate.   

To speed their departure, soften those parts of your body that are feeling tense or tight.  Because body and mind are closely linked, relaxing the body automatically relaxes the mind, and vice versa.

Once the negative thoughts and feelings have softened, simply return your focus back to your breath.

If the negative feelings return, repeat the process, remembering to be gentle and compassionate with yourself the entire time.

Loving Kindness Meditation (vipassana)

This meditation helps to enhance your compassion for others.

Once again, follow steps 1 through 9 above.

Starting with yourself in mind, mentally repeat these phrases to yourself:

May I be happy and content
May I be healthy in mind, body, and spirit
May I be safe from mental and physical harm
May I have ease of being

Next, repeat these phrases with a loved one in mind.

May she be happy and content
May she be healthy in mind, body, and spirit
May she be safe from mental and physical harm
May she have ease of being 

In succession, repeat these same wishes while envisioning a close friend, then someone you are indifferent about, and finally someone you find difficult.

When you have completed this cycle, repeat the phrases one last time to take in all living beings everywhere.

May all living beings be happy and content
May all living beings be healthy in mind, body, and spirit
May all living beings be safe from mental and physical harm
May all living beings have ease of being

Now, you may be asking yourself, “Why would I want to extend well wishes to someone I despise“?   For these reasons:

  1. If difficult people were happy, healthy, safe, and felt an ease of being, they would cease being difficult people.   
  2. People don’t choose to be difficult.  It is only through their ignorance that they remain so.  Scratch the surface and you will find an individual just like you, someone who wants the same things in life that you do – to be happy,  healthy, safe, and free of worries.
  3. As discussed in this post, Buddhist philosophy teaches that “I”, “Me”, and “Mine” are simply mental constructs that we mistake for reality.  In our ignorance of this, we create needless discord between ourselves and others.  
  4. Is sending good wishes to those you despise likely to have a discernible impact on them?  Probably not.  But it certainly has a positive impact on you for having done so – the tightness you feel every time you encounter them softens.  This in itself is no small achievement and, if sensed by that person, may indeed help produce a softening in them as well.  There’s certainly no downside to this practice and it most definitely beats the alternative.

“Meditation will start to clarify your natural ethical sense.  If you take up meditation with any degree of seriousness, you will realize that meditating regularly becomes more and more incompatible with acting in ways that harm others or yourself.”

Subhadramati, author of “Not About Being Good – A Practical Guide to Buddhist Ethics

Tonglen Meditation (vipassana)

This meditation, similar to Loving Kindness, helps you to deal with difficult situations and enhance your compassion for others.

Once again, repeat steps 1 through 10.

Once settled, contemplate all those who are suffering just as you are, perhaps even more. 

On each subsequent in-breath, imagine you are breathing in, from all the parts of your body, the totality of their pain – all of it.  Sense the heaviness, darkness, and heat of their suffering as your body breathes it all in.

Then, on the out-breath, imagine you are sending out to them (and to yourself) an ease of being and relief from suffering – breathing in others’ troubles and breathing out relief.  While doing so, imagine a feeling of lightness, brightness, and cool accompanying each out-breath.

Wisdom Contemplation (vipassana)

This meditation reinforces key mindfulness teachings such that, with repetition, they become inculcated into your very being.

This is my favorite meditation, one I do almost every morning.  Reflecting on the core teachings of mindfulness helps point me in the direction of peace and goodwill.

Again, follow steps 1 through 9 above, then observe the routine outlined in this post.

To access a handy two-page summary of this meditation suitable for printing, click on this link.

Sound Meditation (shamatha)

This meditation strengthens your ability to focus your attention and helps bring you back into the present moment.

Again, follow steps 1 through 9 above.  Then turn your attention to any and all sounds around you. Notice their pitch, loudness, and duration.

Make a point to not label them as good or bad or to judge them in any way; simply listen intently.

Chocolate Meditation (shamatha)

This meditation is a practice in mindful eating and also serves to enhance conscious awareness of your senses.  It’s also fun and tastes great!

In turn, consciously engage each one of your senses as you slowly (!!!) go through the process of eating a piece of chocolate:

  • Touch – how does it feel in your hands?
  • Sight – notice everything about it; colour, texture, shape.
  • Aroma – take in all its many essences.
  • Sound – what sound does it make when you break a piece off?
  • Taste – there are over 300 compounds in chocolate; how many can you sense?

Next post:  “Weight Watcher’s Meditation”  🙂

Mantra Meditation (shamatha or vipassana)

A mantra is a word or phrase repeated over and over again, either mentally or aloud, during a meditation session. 

A mantra with no meaning is selected if it is to serve simply as the focus of one’s attention (rather than focusing on the breath).  An example would be a meaningless phrase such as, “Va ja poh ta may”, this one long enough to be carried through both the in-breath and out-breath.

More typical, however, is a mantra with some meaning, such as for its spiritual, affirmational, or aspirational features.  The Loving-Kindness meditation discussed above is but one example.  Another, and one of my favorites because of its sentiment, is “Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu”, a Sanskrit mantra translating roughly as, “May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.”

Eastern religions, such as Hinduism and Buddhism, are replete with mantras, many examples of which can be found on YouTube. 

One can also use a personal affirmation such as, “I am perfect just as I am”,    to reinforce a desired attribute or belief.   

Himalayan Singing Bowl Meditation (shamatha)

This is a favorite soothing meditation of mine, and judging by the number of singing bowl recordings on YouTube, is favored by many others as well!

Here are the steps I follow:

  1. I sit comfortably on my meditation futon and set my timer.
  2. I take one of my singing bowls and cup it in the palm of my left hand, making a point to avoid touching the bowl’s side (as this would otherwise quickly deaden the bowl’s singing).  This hand rests on top of my left leg.
  3. In my right hand I hold a felt-covered wood striker .  These are available wherever singing bowls are sold and often come with a bowl purchase.
  4. I gently but firmly strike the side of the bowl with an upward motion to make it sound.
  5. I close my eyes and focus on the sound, listening intently to the various frequencies and pulsating rhythms until they fade completely away.  I then continue to listen for a few moments to the silence.
  6. I briefly open my eyes and repeat steps 4 and 5 until the timer chimes.

Very soothing and grounding!  Do try it for yourself! 

Warmest wishes,

Rob @ Living a Mindful Life

“Meditation is not evasion. It is a serene encounter with reality. The person who practices mindfulness should be no less awake than the driver of a car. Be as awake as a person walking on high stilts — any misstep could cause the walker to fall. Be like a lion going forward with slow, gentle, and firm steps. Only with this kind of vigilance can you realize total awakening.”

Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist monk and teacher, peace activist, and prolific author (1926 – 2022)